My Savior (Josh Hutcherson Fan Fiction)

Chapter 31

~1 Month Later~

Josh's Pov:

It has been a whole of misery I know that April is actually gone this time we have had big fight's but at the end of the day we still back to each other because we need each one another. She just walked out of my life I should have expected but I didn't when she left I didn't know what to do. I needed to cry but I didn't I was just numb.

Logan told me what happened between both of them and I knew it was going to happen but I wasn't mad at Logan or April. She was just confused and felt unloved and what was best than Logan right. I have been drinking allot no matter how hard I try to stop I just find an excuse to drink. 

April what so ever has no tried to contact me in the other hand text her everyday goodmorning and goodnight I leave her a voicemail every day I never miss a day I know that she hears them even tho she doesn't contact me it means that she doesn't forget about me because she has those messages to look forward too.

''Fuck'' I cursed out loud I just can't get her out of my mind. Every single little thing I do there always has to be something that reminds me of her I miss kissing her lips, I miss watching her in the sofa reading a book wearing nothing but an oversize sweter and long socks and the way she got over excited when something was happening in her book. Or when she cuddled me when I felt sad or making me laugh I just miss everything about her.

I need to see her we both made mistakes but we coud have solved them better but she chose the easy way out and just walked away from me without a warning she just left like that. I wasn't just her savior she was mine I was also in a dark place but she got me out of there like I did to her. 

I just can't loose her. I can't survive without her. And that's her fault, she made me love her, and she made me bring my walls down and let her in.

April's Pov:

It was been a moth the most miserable month of my life I no longer have Josh or Logan I screwed up both my realtionship and friendship I actually didn't have feelings for Logan I just was jealous of him and Betsy and Betsy period she was with him she got what she needed she was perfect and happy no mental problems and a happy relationship. What did I have nothing she had I was fucked up mentally what am I saying I'm still fucked up mentally and my relationship was alright but in other hand Logan's and Betsy was perfect.

Without Josh anymore the monsters inside my head have returned and they are worse now they drive me over the edge I can't sleep or eat. I need someone to talk too and there is no one here but my mom and I'm just scared that if  I tell her about my problems she will want me to get help and I don't want help. I will just talk to her about Josh.

''Mom'' I said and I saw my mom crying in the sofa she wiped her tears and faked a smile. ''No mom don't do that don't hide your emotions tell me what's wrong'' I looked at her and I can't believe how much my mom changed she was evil but she got the help she needed and all those times before she was just angry at the world for what happened to my older brother.

''Well I just miss your dad baby I miss how everything was before the accident . Having your brother here and you and your dad watching movies is so hard how things changed I'm sorry I ever hurt you April just know that I am truly sorry for everything I did to you I love you April''. My mom told me I went to sit next to her and she cuddled me ''I love you too mom'' I said and just let her hold me.

''Baby what's wrong with you because I know you came here to talk to me I saw it in your eyes'' My mom asked me. ''Well I was thinking about Josh and how he was always there for me and just because I let him go doesn't mean it was easy for me I miss him but I just don't want to get hurt so I tought I did what was best and just take the easy way out and leave'' I told my mom she held me tighter ''April you push people away so when they leave it doesn't hurt as much'' 

My mom kissed my forehead and I left her and went up to my room. My monsters were screaming all this bullshit to me and I just couldn't fake being happy anymore because I'm not happy. 

''I'm not fucking fine'' I said to myself and just turned up the Tv. I cried and cried until I was all dried up no more tears were left in my body ''Cut April cut you know you want to'' My voices kept saying in my head and even louder I hated the fact that nobody could hear them but me but it was true I did want to cut I haven't hurt myself ever since I found Josh. But Josh wasn't here anymore he was gone and there is no one here that could actually save me now.

So I did what was best I went to my old hiding place and got my old box. Once I opened it all my old worse memories hit me and I just sat there feeling worthless I was remembering the past and the present how I always fuck everything up because maybe I'm just too fucking complicated for anyone to love.

So when I got my blade in hand I remember that it was actually the only one that has always been there for me. The blade was in my wrist I didn't move it it was just pressed against my skin I don't know if it was worth it but than I remembered it was ''Just cut already you know you want to and that you need it'' the voices inside my head screamed even louder so I did it I relapsed and I knew there was nothing stoping me from going deep...