This is not the end~ Fourth book in PLMI series

If its wrong...why does it feel so right?-32

*lights! Camera! Action! This chapter is SO STAGED but it's okay, I still love it.

-Zayn's POV-
"You guys wanna go out for lunch?" Harry asked as he walked in the door. Kendall pushed past him, shoving him out of the way, before going into her room and slamming the door behind her. Alexa looked at Louis in confusion.
"I thought you and Kendall went out for the day?" I asked and he sighed, passing a hand through his hair.
"We had a fight." He shrugged and looked down at the floor.
"What did you do now?" Louis asked, his voice tired. I stayed silent, listening to their conversation.
"Nothing!! Please....I need to talk to my lads...." Harry begged and I sighed. I usually would jump at the chance to get somewhere with my friends, but..today.....I wasn't. I don't know why...I just didn't feel like it.
"I'll go." Louis sighed, standing up and kissing Alexa's forehead gently.
"What about you Zayn?" Harry looked at me, his look pleading. I sighed and bit my lip.
"I think I'll stay here." I said. Harry shrugged.
"Whatever. C'mon Lou bear." Harry said, practically dragging Louis to the door.
"Chill Haz! Slow dow--" Louis said, his voice was abruptly cut off by the slam of the door. Alexa shook her head, rolling her eyes and turning back to the television like her boyfriend being stolen was an everyday occurrence for her. I let my gaze drift up to her and she glanced back at me, her eyes sparkling in the light.
"They are crazy." She said, trying to make small talk with me. Me and her never really have been what you would call......close. Nope. I mean.....sure, we're friends, but I'm a bit closer with Mackenzie and Kendall. And Britt...pretty much loves everyone and everything. So......yeah.
"Yeah." I replied. She nodded and bit her lip. I moved so I was sitting next to her and she pulled the blanket that was over her legs out from under my bum, as I had sat on it.
"So, what's up?" She asked as she moved a piece of her hair out of her eyes, revealing the beautiful green ones she had. They were a mix of green and brown, making me stare. I realized she was staring when she looked at me weirdly. I quickly looked away and to the television.
"Nothing much. How are you? Louis said you were sick again?" I asked and she sighed, but nodded, her face sad.
"Yeah. I get sick pretty easily these days. Always have I guess." She replied. I nodded. "Why didn't you want to go with them?" She asked and I sighed.
I feel as if I'm drifting away from the whole lot of them. The lads, they make an effort to include me, but I still don't feel as if....I....have a place in this band. I mean....sure...they're my best mates, but...it's not the same as it was. I don't seem to fit in. I was always the quiet one. I almost never speak my mind. While all the others have all their special traits that they're remembered for....I don't feel as if I have any. Niall has his cute little Irish personality and this amazing outlook on life that every thing will work out. Harry is a huge flirt and his curly hair and dimples....... Liam has the whole daddy direction thing. And...Louis is deadly hilarious. But me.....nothing. Sure, I'm shy. I have the whole "perfect hair" thing. But...it's not enough.
It makes me feel worse to see all of them with their girlfriends and Liam with Britt......it makes me feel like an outcast. I'm always the third wheel.
Sure, I've tried dating again since Audrey died....but...it wasn't the same. I see her in....everything. And all I can think about is how other girls don't even compare to her. I know I'm still deadly in love with her. And I also know, that deep in my heart...I feel as if she'll come back to me......but...that's not possible. I know it's not.
"Zayn?" Alexa asked, snapping me out of my thoughts, which had consumed me so much I didn't even notice her saying my name until the fifth time she said it. I looked into her green eyes and...got lost.
"W...what?" I stammered. God, she was so close to me. So freaking close. My heart started to hammer on the inside of my chest. I was scared she would be able to hear it from where she sat. I could hear it in my ears. It hammered harder when I began to see Audrey's eyes. I slowly leaned my forehead against hers, feeling her warm skin touch mine. I observed all the freckles that fell all over her cheeks. Her green eyes slightly widened out of surprise, but...she didn't move. I could feel her breath brush over my lips and I felt my heart skip a few beats.
"What.....what are you doing?" She whispered, sounding breathless. A breath burst through my lips and I leaned closer to her.
"This....." I whispered. Confusion spread over her face and flashed over her eyes as she looked up at me. I slowly leaned in, closing the gap between us.
I didn't think of Louis......
My lips touched hers and I instantly felt horrible. I'm kissing my best mate's girl. This isn't right. This isn't right at all. It's...horrible. Wrong. Probably the worst thing I could ever do.
But...if it's so wrong....why does it feel so right?