This is not the end~ Fourth book in PLMI series

Bonus chapter

*BEFORE EPILOGUE

-Mackenzie-

     I think I always knew, somehow, that it would all come back to this eventually. That I would finally break. That I would always come back.

     The tears were haunting memories of my past as I stood in the middle of the living room, glaring at the place that had caused me so much pain. The place that had caused my whole life to go to shit.

My heart had shattered into a million pieces, leaving scarcely a piece to pick up. My whole chest felt heavy, and I finally realized, I couldn't breathe.

I can't fucking breathe.

     My heart was screaming for air as I sobbed into my hands, falling to the floor in agony. His voice lingered in the back of my mind. His taunting voice. His fucking voice that killed me inside so many times and filled me with amounts of fear I didn't know was possible.

     I felt dead inside. I felt so incredibly dead inside that I almost didn't know what to do, it was like I had lost the ability to feel any good emotion. It was all gone from me and wouldn't come back and it fucking hurt. I was so hurt that I didn't know how to deal with any of it. And that was when I realized, I no longer cared about any of it.

        Trey's voice seemed to linger in the walls. If walls could talk, they'd be screaming in agony of the memories and horrors that went on here.

      My boots shuffled across the floor into what used to be my parents' room, which had soon turned to Trey's room as soon as my mother had started to flake off.

      All of their stuff was gone, as I expected. The police had cleaned it out as well as thieves, probably.

        I still found it hard to breathe, however. My lungs seemed to be closing together as my heart wouldn't allow me to forget my past.

        I couldn't forget, and it was killing me inside. I hadn't talked for what felt like years and my stomach was filled with an emptiness that only his presence could fill. Niall.

        As I stood in the room of my parents, one dead and the other insane, I felt as if I couldn't go on.  Life had been so cruel to my family. Life had been so cruel to me.

        I turned and slowly sauntered out of their bedroom before going through the kitchen and into the garage. The familiar stench of gas and oil filled my senses and I sighed. The familiar sight of Trey's truck, however, was nonexistent, which gave me a sense of relief.  The police had cleared all of that out long ago.

       I closed my eyes tightly. The tears were fighting their way out the whole time, but I ignored them. Tears were now a part of my face and I didn't make any move to wipe them.

     I covered my ears when the voices in my head were screaming, but it wasn't enough to shut them up.  Niall's voice, Trey's, my mother's,  Audrey's, all haunting me and making me fall  to the ground, screaming in pure horror.

       I fell against the garage door, causing the gasoline, which was left in a can to knock onto the floor and off the step.

       I saw the gas, spilled upon the floor, it reminded me too much of the blood that had been spilled on the ground in front of my feet. Audrey's limp body sprawled on the pavement with a puddle of blood coming from it flashed through my mind.

       Without thinking, I tripped over my own feet, getting up quickly and rushing into the kitchen. I ripped open all the drawers, rummaging through them until I finally found what I was looking for.

       I flipped it open and the light spilled from the top, pulling me back to the times Trey would light up his cigarettes. My eyes flicked away at the memory and I drug the gas can through the house, spreading it on the walls and throwing it around me until I too was drenched with it.

       Figuring I could easily burn the memories right out of myself and out of the walls, I opened the lighter once more, mesmerized by the light. Pushing my finger through it to make sure it was real, I burned myself. But I didn't feel the pain.

        A tear rolled down my face, mixing with the dirt smudged on it. The floor was wet with gas and stepped into the puddle quietly, watching the ripples around my boot. I stared at the house around me, the house of horrors and death for me.

All of this will be gone.  All of the memories, everything will be gone. I could be with Niall again. I could be with my family again. No more stress, no more tears, no more scars. I would be gone. This house would be gone with me. If I can't get rid of the memories, I'll burn them away.

       "No! Stop!" Someone yelled by the door. I didn't see who it was because my vision was starting to get fuzzy, but I somehow knew it was Harry. I wanted to answer him, to tell him I love him and tell him to leave so I would be the only one to suffer, but my mouth didn't work, I only stared at the ground as the light flickered in my hand.

       "Mackenzie. Please don't do this. You have so much to live for." Niall's voice whispered, but I shook my head. I tried so hard to block them out, the voices. But...how do you run from what is inside your head?

        "Damn you! Damn all of you! This is my fucking life!!" I screamed at Niall. His hands reached out to caress my face and his fingers barely grazed my skin, making more tears pour from my eyes.

        "I love you so much Kenz." He whispered, his lips planting themselves on my hand. I drew my hand back as if he had burned me.

       "You're dead! You're fucking dead! You can't save me!!" I screamed at him, the light shaking in my hand. Niall's eyes turned sad before his face disappeared from my eyes. I sobbed and I felt my knees buckle, bringing me to the floor. My hair rested in the gas, mixed with dirt and my head rested on the floor as I sobbed.

       "Mackenzie! Please!" Harry's voice said, I think. At this point I couldn't figure out what was real and what was inside my head, I covered my ears desperately, trying to determine what was real.

        "Just do it you piece of shit." My mother's voice came into play, her smile gleaming before my eyes. My eye twitched as I slowly crawled out of the puddle.

       "Kenz. This isn't real. It isn't real!" Niall shouted at me, his face reappearing and turning red like when he cried.

        "No!" Harry screamed as he lunged for me, but it was already too late. The lighter had left my hand, spreading the fire quickly. The fire gleamed before my eyes as Harry pulled me backward.

        All I could do was smile as multiple voices behind me echoed. The house was already smoking and the fire was coming from the windows.

       Someone's arms were around me, holding me back as I tried to rejoin the fire. It called me to it, making me scream out at whoever held me to let me go.

      "It's okay Kenz," Harry whispered to me in my ear as I screamed at him, trying to pull out of his grasp.

       I may have still held the memories, but the house no longer did.