This is not the end~ Fourth book in PLMI series

The outside is beautiful...the inside is ugly-83

-Mackenzie's POV-

I sat down on my bed slowly, looking out the window, where snow was still falling, although it was March. Sure, I used to love the snow, but now it just seemed like a rude awakening.
I looked down at the sheets and rubbed them between my fingers quietly. I tried my hardest not to think about how crappy my life had been lately. Trying to focus on the positive. But seriously....could someone please tell me what the positive is?

I looked up suddenly when I heard Britt and Liam yelling in the next room, hearing every word, I knew it was about him. I knew it was about how they had so many problems since they got married too early.

That's when I started to cry. I cried hard, angrily, bitterly. My tears were hot and true, showing all of my true, true emotions. I winced when the front door slammed and turned to glare at my empty bedroom. I had a strangely strong ache in my throat as I got up, walking over to my desk and looking into the mirror. Not recognizing myself, I hesitantly reached down, picking up the picture of me and Niall, kissing on New Year's underneath the fireworks and the confetti. "Ugh!!" I exclaimed, shaking my head quickly and slamming the picture back on the desk.

I had been telling myself not to look. Not to look at the pictures. Not to look at the social media. Not to look at.....him. And not to listen. God knows the voices in my head are louder than any screaming I could try to cover it up.
I picked up another picture, this time of us at a bar, with Liam and Britt smiling in the background. As I stared down at the four smiling faces, including mine, and felt a new surge of anger fire through me. I glared down at the blonde boy in the picture a few more seconds before crumbling it in my hands. I balled my hand up into a fist and tried to control myself. But it just wasn't possible. I struck out at the first thing I saw, a lamp. It smashed to the ground in pieces and the light fizzled out immediately. It had made a big crash, and I was quite glad I had locked my door. I screamed then, clawing at my face, mad at the world. Mad at myself. Mad at Niall.

"You bastard!!" I screamed in agony as I slammed my fist into the wall. "You left me here all alone!!" I screamed again, the tears rushing down my face in rivers. "Why did you leave me here?" I yelled again, punching the wall once more. I felt a painful jolt run up my arm, but I was too aided by my anger that I didn't care.

"Why didn't I go too!!" I screamed again as I crumbled to the ground like the broken lamp next to me. The ache in my chest was getting stronger as I missed him, so incredibly. I just wanted to die. I wanted to die, I wanted to be with him. It would be so much easier. To just die. I wanted to be with him. The pain of staying here without him was perhaps worse than losing him.

"Niall....I'm....so...s...sorry!" I sobbed into my hand as I heard a knock on the door. I glared at it and grabbed for something on the dresser, failing to look to see what it was. "Go away!!" I screamed in agony, clutching what seemed to be a picture frame to my chest.

"Mackenzie....it's Liam...please open the door..." Liam said gently. I hurdled the frame across the room to where it hit the door with a crash and a bang before falling to the ground and the glass breaking out of it. I let out another sob.

"Go away!!" I screamed, my voice cracking in a scary way.

"Mackenzie...."

"I said go away!!!" I screamed till my heart was aching for him, my lungs aching for air, and my throat throbbing from the stress. I heard the click of a key turning the lock and I scooted backwards, sobbing until my back hit the wall roughly.

Liam came through the door and I pulled at my hair roughly, screaming my lungs out in agony as the weight of the bricks came crashing down, crushing me and suffocating me under their weight. "No!!" I screamed as Liam tried to touch me. I thrashed under his touch. I didn't want his comfort. Not his. Niall's. Not his. Niall's.