This is not the end~ Fourth book in PLMI series

This is not the end-79

-Mackenzie's POV-
       Walking into Niall's room, I felt the significant depressed feeling and stifling stress in the room. It was oddly quiet, but Niall was awake....barely. He seemed to be staring off into space, not noticing Harry, who was trying to talk to him.
        Harry turned slightly to me as his worry lines creased his forehead. "Niall, Mackenzie's here....." Harry said quietly. I could tell he was on the verge of tears, so I stepped into the room and shut the door behind us quietly. Reaching out to thread my hair through Harry's long curls, he looked up at me with his big, sad eyes.
      "Can you give us a sec.....?" I asked. Harry nodded and peeled out, shutting the door behind him without a word, looking relieved for a minute to leave.
​​​​​​      "Niall...baby?" I whispered coarsely, my throat aching for some odd reason. It felt as if my voice hadn't been used for years. Niall scrunched his pale eyebrows up and looked past me as if he were looking through me.
      "Hmmm?" He mumbled, fidgeting with his fingers as he looked down. His eye twitched as he looked back up at me slowly, his blue eyes paler and slightly red underneath as if he had been crying.
       "How do you feel?" I asked quietly, reaching out to grab his hand in mine. He looked kind of disoriented, like he didn't understand what was going on, before his eyes softened.
      "Lousy. " he answered with almost no hesitation. Something like a smile was on my face and he squeezed my hand weakly, his eyes observing my face quietly.  I shifted uncomfortably, his eyes lingering on me made me feel insecure. "How long....have I been....asleep...." he gasped, his breaths shorter than I could ever imagine surviving on.
       "Couple days." I replied quietly. He nodded slowly against the white pillow.
      "You stayed here the whole time?" He asked, his eyes full of wonder. When I nodded, he sighed, rubbing his thumb on the back of my hand. "I love you." He whispered, his thumb still stroking my hand in a comforting gesture. His words came slowly, like they almost were painful to say.
I think he knew at the time, how scared I truly was, in that moment. He looked so frail, ten times more older than he actually was, the disease aging him.
      Niall suddenly winced, coughing once and sputtering something out in which I didn't catch. "Huh?" I asked. He sighed, laying back and closing his eyes.
      "I...said......I've been praying.....I mean...I haven't been all that close to God ever in my life....but I......I don't know...it's hard to explain...." Niall mumbled, his words split up into spurts of air.
       "I know..." I replied quietly. Falling into an odd silence, I shifted in my seat, suddenly uncomfortable with the blonde haired boy I loved so much. I was almost never uncomfortable with him. And I don't know why I was now.....
      We both jumped when the door opened, revealing Niall's nurse. A nice girl, straight out of college..... She was holding a plate of food for Niall as well as some pills. At least five of them sat next to the cup of water on the tray and he looked down at them in confusion for a second before meeting eyes with the nurse.
      "What are these for?" He asked quietly, his voice so hushed and weak.....which sadly was the only way I could remember it now ......
      Feeling a slight panic, I looked around the room frantically, trying to find something that would help me remember him, before the cancer. Before the sickness. Niall. My Niall. The spirited one. I couldn't remember. I couldn't.
       My breath came flying out of my lungs as I clutched the chair. Niall said something to me, but I didn't quite catch it, for the buzzing in my ears was growing louder. I couldn't remember. I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried.
      Niall, Niall, Niall......but nothing registered. Nothing except the sick boy in front of me. Nothing except the stress of his sickness on my shoulders. On everyone's shoulders. If a knife was hanging above my head....it would have fallen right there, on me. Sending me to an immediate death.
       "Kenzi!!" Someone yelled at me from the distance. A raspy, weak voice. Shaking my head, I screamed.
       "No!! This isn't it! It can't happen like this!" I screamed hysterically, my throat catching fire. I saw a black spot blur my vision before shaking my head to clear it. Niall's scared face came into focus, his pale face, his arms lined with tubes. It all came into focus.......then......I wept.
       "This.........this is not the end...." I murmured, wrapping my arms around myself quietly. Niall called something after me, but I backed away, my back of my leg hitting the end of the couch, surely leaving a bruise.
      "Kenz. Calm down. Okay? You'll be okay. You're alright. I'm here. You see? I'm still here." He whispered quietly. I let my eyes fall downcast to the floor. He surprised me by yelling in his already raspy voice.  His accent laced with pain was the thing that wounded me most, hearing the pain in his voice.  "Damnit Mackenzie look at me!!"  He ordered. I glanced up at him, scared of his yelling. Scared of him.
      "Is this the end....of us?" I asked him. He opened his mouth to say something before shutting it like a trap door, fast.
      "No...." he replied quietly, sounding as if he genuinely believed it. 
       "I don't believe this is happening." I mumbled, pulling my hair from the loose ponytail it was in. Niall watched quietly before motioning for me to come there.
      "Come here." He ordered.  I slowly went towards the bed, my mocasins slapping on the hard tile floor. I sat down on the bed next to him, but didn't make him move, that would hurt him.
      "Tell me stories.....of us." I whispered. A pained look came on his face as he smiled. 
       "You can't remember can you?" He whispered, leaning forward slightly. I leaned forward to kiss him slowly, letting our lips become one once again. Not kissing him for what seems like forever, this was special. 
       "Tell me stories." I repeated, smiling as he sat up slightly.  Crossing my legs underneath me, I oddly felt a strange feeling of being safe wash over me.
       He looked at me then, his eyes washing over my face slowly, in a way that would make my insides be reduced to jelly.  "You makes me happy." Niall admitted quietly.
       "You're my everything." I replied. He smiled quietly, grabbing my hand.  He began to talk then, his quiet, soothing voice easing my mind and sending shivers up my spine.  As he continued talking, I watched him, my mind feeling odd and fuzzy as my memories came back.  I'm not sure what made them fade, maybe it was my stress, maybe it was because I was tired......or maybe I was just so horribly tired that I couldn't think straight. All I knew was, it felt like I was going insane. Losing my mind, in a way. Perhaps.....we all have a right to go crazy once and awhile. Perhaps...we all would lose our minds....

-Britt's POV-
      "You're being selfish!!" I yelled across the room, tears gliding down my face.
      "Why is it selfish for me to want to see you alone. ​​​​​" Liam replied, trying to reason with me. All I knew was I was flaming mad. I studied him a second before I saw the jealousy in his eyes, reading him like and open book.
       "You're still jealous." I pointed out, straightening the books that sat on my desk so I wouldn't have to look at him.
       "I...am not. " he replied shakily, not sounding to sure of himself.
       "You are. I can tell. By the way you look at me. By the way you look at him, and how you act when I'm around him." I said quietly, running a hand through my hair as I continued to fiddle with things on my desk.
      "How am I supposed to act?" He shot back angrily. I sighed, turning to look at him.
​​​​​​       "You're supposed to trust me!!" I yelled at him then, more angry tears falling down my face. 
       "Can't you see I'm trying?" He said back. I shook my head slowly.
       "What ever happened to us......?" I whispered quietly, my voice coming out like a squeak. I felt like a small, scared child again....though I definitely wasn't.  I was freaking 20.......not a child. But all I could feel in that moment was sadness. Sadness for us, for Niall and Mackenzie, for Alexa and Louis and their falling apart relationship, for Kendall and Harry.......and for me and Liam.....and our crumbling relationship.
       "What do you mean?"
       "Us Liam. How long have we been married? Not even a year....and everything...is starting to fall apart....." I whispered sadly, looking up at him. He came closer to me, grabbing my arm and pulling me closer to him.
       "I'm....sorry......I....I..was wrong. I'm just so....worried. And scared..." he admitted, as if he were scared of me. I nodded in agreement. We were all scared.
      "I'm sorry for....yelling. I'm just scared too I guess." He nodded as he pulled me in for a slow, passionate kiss.
      "We'll be okay. I promise." He assured me, putting a hand on my slightly bulging belly. I smiled with pain, but nodded slowly.
      "I love you."
       "I love you too." He replied. I nodded slowly, pulling him in for a hug, biting my lip because of how much emotion I felt in that moment. Everything seemed to be falling down. Soon, we would all hit the bottom.....

A/n- Hey guys. Just wanted to say how amazing you are. Love you. :) <3