This is not the end~ Fourth book in PLMI series

Relapse and fighting for you's-50

A/n- Ughhh. Oh my days. This has so many feels. You....umm...might want a box of tissues. If I can make myself cry then....well.....oh no.

-Niall's POV-
I sat down in the chair once again as they attached the chemo to the darn tube coming from out of my shoulder. It sucks. I could already feel the feeling I had before, when I was on chemo. The nausea. The sickness. The unusual paleness of my skin. My hair falling out. It was all so scary to me. The fact that I could lose my life. It's just so scary.
That's why I didn't want Mackenzie here at the moment. One, because she was always so, so worried about me. Two, because of her freak out, and three because I love her. And I didn't want to tell her what has happened, not just yet.
"Okay. That should be...good...to....go..." the nurse said, patting my shoulder. I smiled weakly and she reached out to touch my hair in a motherly gesture. "It'll be okay love. I promise." She whispered, smiling kindly as she squeezed my hand and let it go quickly.
​​​​​​ "Thanks." I said quietly, keeping my gaze on the floor. She nodded slowly, taking her gloves off as I watched her. She smiled, her cheeks flushing slightly.
"You can put your shirt back on love." She said as she pulled out my chart and was writing at it. I looked to Britt, who winked and gave me a thumbs up. I rolled my eyes and put my shirt back on, looking to the nurse. "I'll go get your medicine and then you'll be free to go. Okay?" She asked. She didn't wait for an answer and walked out the door. I moved to sit down next to Britt and she smiled, grabbing my hand in hers in a comforting gesture. I smiled sadly and she sighed. I knew the question was coming.
"Niall....how did it spread....?" Britt whispered, looking up at me. I sighed and took a deep breath.
"Well....ummm....they said that....some of the cancer cells broke away from the tumor which was growing in my lungs, and it traveled through my blood, attacking my white blood cells specifically. They said that it somehow spread a bit to my brain and...there's still some in my blood. So...basically...it weakened my white blood cells, which help you fight off sicknesses. So....I'm screwed." I finished, running a hand through my hair. I felt the chemo seep into my body. Trying desperately to fight off the cancer living inside of me. But somehow...I knew it wasn't going to work. I'm in too deep now. It's kinda all my fault. If I would've gone to the doctor when Mackenzie told me....we probably wouldn't be in this situation. But..it probably would've spread anyways.
Britt put her hand on my knee, so I looked up to her. Her eyes were horrified, as if I'd just given myself a death sentence. I think I might've.....
"Niall....I.....oh...my gosh...I....didn't know.....it was that bad." She stammered out, her voice dropping to a whisper. I sighed and dropped my head to my hands, closing my eyes tightly. She rubbed my back as I began to cry.
"It...it's okay." I stammered out. She pulled me into a tight hug, and just cried silently, shaking a bit as I cried.
"Every thing will work out Niall. If you fight." Britt whispered. We both jumped when my phone went off at the same time the nurse came back in and handed me my medicine. I gave Britt the phone to answer as I talked to the nurse, making sure I was clear on things I could and couldn't do. Same as before, not a bunch of running. Stay sitting during concerts. All that jazz. Except this time, I have to constantly visit the doctor. At least once a week. Which, sucks on my part....but I'll do whatever I have to do at this point.
"Baby. Just wait. He's talking to the nurse. Oh my gosh. What happened? Really? Oh gosh." Britt ranted into the phone, running a hand through her hair and biting her lip nervously. "Umm.....Niall?" Britt asked, handing the phone to me after talking to Liam. I sighed and pressed the phone to my ear.
"Yeah Payno. What's wrong now?" His breathing was heavy and I heard some shuffling in the background.
​​​​​​ "Niall. I'm sorry. I....t..tried to stop her....I did..I tried...and...she she....I...I'm sorry....!" Liam cried into the phone, sounding hysterical.
"Liam. Calm down please. Tell me what happened?" I said, trying to stay calm. I was thinking the worst possible solution out in my head and I'd like him to clarify before I go planning any funerals.
"I t..tried to get her to.....t..take that...pill...like you said and she got super mad. Locked herself in the bathroom. Niall...I don't know what to do.....! She's been in there for a long time and won't answer me. I don't know whether to break down the door or..what. " Liam said, still sounding incredibly nervous and sad. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I got up and motioned for Britt to follow me as we walked out of the hospital, into the cold air.
"Liam. I'll be right there. I promise. Just...keep trying to talk to her. We'll be right there. Hold on." I said quickly. I quickly grabbed Britt's arm and pulled her down the street. I stopped and called a cab, telling the man to floor it.
​​​​​​ To say the least...I was on edge. Wait....no. That was an understatement. I'm borderline..........hysterical.
I bounced my leg up and down nervously, my hands shaking as we turned the corner. The cab stopped in front of our flat and I practically sprinted out the door, and up to the front door, running inside. I headed immediately into me and Mackenzie's room, stopping when I saw Liam, sitting against the door to the bathroom, crying into his knees. Britt came through the door and saw him, crying. I jiggled the door handle. It was...in fact...Locked. Tightly. I sighed and gently moved Liam away from the door, so I could pull on it as my hysteria was rising.
"Kenz. It's Niall. Sweetheart...please open the door...." I said quietly as Britt moved Liam to sit on our bed as he cried into her knees. There was no sound from the other side of the door. No whimper. No crying. No...nothing. I felt a tear drip down my face as I took a deep breath, walking over to the drawer to our desk and pulling the key out of a drawer. I closed my eyes tightly, wishing anything but for my suspicions to be wrong. Let my thoughts be horribly wrong. Let it all be okay. Let her be okay.
I shakily stuck the key into the lock and slowly unlocked the door, my hands shaking and my heart beating incredibly fast. I turned the key in the lock and pushed open the door, ignoring the sound of Liam's heart wrenching crying. Liam almost never cries......
I opened the door and gasped at what I saw. "Oh...shit...." I whispered, my hand flying over my mouth as I observed the bloody scene in front of me. Tears leaked out of my eyes as I ran my hands up to my hair and pulled on it slightly. "Oh....no..no....n..no..." I cried, falling to my knees in the doorway.
Mackenzie......my sweetheart....my....my Angel....was laying, curled up in a puddle of her own blood. Blood was...everywhere. On the counter. Smeared on her jeans, some in her hair. Blood smeared on the floor, on the tiles. Tear tracks were streaked down her face. Her razor was still clenched in her hand. I gulped loudly and crawled towards her, taking her body and bringing her into my lap. Her body was heavy, feeling as if she was dead. I gently lowered my head to her chest and sighed when I felt the strong sound of her heartbeat against my ear. I cradled her head against my chest as I cried into her hair, begging this not to be her. It can't be her. Not my sweetheart. Not my angel.
Her blood was sticky against my fingers and I winced, wiping my hands on her jeans, as they were already stained badly.
​​​​​​ "Baby. P..please....." I whispered, burying my head into her hair. I heard a loud gasp and saw Britt, her hand over her mouth, looking at the scene with wide eyes.
"Oh...oh..my God....." she gasped, grabbing a towel off the counter and wiping up a spot of blood on the floor. "What......h..happened?" She stammered. Her face was blurry through my tears as I shrugged, holding Mackenzie tightly.
"She.....r..relapsed......." I murmured against her hair, gently shaking her.
​​​​ "Baby. Please....wake up. You have to wake up....." I mumbled. Britt handed me a wet towel and I gently lowered the towel over her cuts, gently wiping away the dry blood and the stuff that was still oozing out. I gently pressed it down in a rhythm, holding Mackenzie still as I did so. Even though I didn't need to. She was very silent and didn't even move. I knew she wasn't passed out, because of the open bottle of sleeping pills that sat on the counter (surrounded by blood smears, but I won't mention that anymore....) and the way she felt in my arms. Like she was only asleep. When she was passed out, she felt much heavier, like dead weight. Not that she's heavy....or anything. I should just....stop talking.
​​​​​ Britt continued to scrub the blood off the floor in silence, glancing up at me and Mackenzie every now and then, seeing how I was handling this. In all honesty, I was numb. I couldn't feel anything about this situation except sadness and.......depression. I never really have been depressed, except when Mackenzie left me. But....that's about it. But.....I feel this is drawing to a close. My story. Our story. Maybe even..us. But....one thing was for sure. I was going to make sure that...when she wakes up. I have to show her I love her. Before anything else happens...because....in this cruel world.....anything could happen. All I do know is...the doctors said that the cancer spread and....eventually....would consume my whole body. Or...I could get sick......and my white blood cells can't fight it off. So....I have to tell her. Make her believe that she is loved because......we don't have much time left......sure. I'll fight. For her. But...I'm not sure if it'll all work out this time.
"Hey Niall?" Britt asked quietly, her voice hushed and shy as usual. I jumped and realized I was hugging Mackenzie tightly to me, not saying or doing anything. It must've looked really weird to her. Her eyes were dripping out tears as she handed me some bandages. I gulped and nodded to her, smiling sadly, trying to force my smile. It didn't come out right and she winced, leaving the bathroom, which was now scrubbed clean, smelling of bleach and cleaning supplies. I sighed and slowly stood up, keeping Mackenzie in my arms as I sat her down on the counter gently. She was like a rag doll, incredibly tired as she leaned her head on my shoulder. I felt her stir suddenly, from the jostling I was doing to her. I heard her whimper slightly.
​​​​​​ "Mmmmmm.....Niall....?" She mumbled in her dazed state. Somehow....this got a smile out of me, as I gently put some antibiotic cream on her cuts, before bandaging her arm, trying to be as gentle as I could.
"Yeh baby. Niall's here. I'm 'ere to make it all better." I whispered, blushing at the words coming from my mouth.
"Mmm hmmm.......love.........y.." Mackenzie slurred, not finishing her sentence, as the haze of the drugs pulled her back under. I finished wrapping her arm and secured it, making sure it wouldn't fall off. I picked up the razor, which Britt had left on the ground, probably for me to pick up. I sighed and chucked it into the trash can, getting a satisfying feeling when I heard it plunk at the bottom. I sighed and slowly grabbed Mackenzie's brush, brushing her hair slowly, marveling at how long it was. It almost reached down to her butt.
Her hair was slick on my fingers, my tears wet as they dripped into her hair. I slowly stroked her hair, feeling comfort in it as I gently pushed the curls away from.her face. I wiped all the blood that was smeared on her hands, arms, and...strangely, head away....leaving her pale skin clean.
"I love you." I whispered, picking her up and carrying her into our bedroom. Liam and Britt had left, probably to retreat to their room to be alone. I was just glad that they left me and Kenz alone for awhile. I laid her on the bed, shooing Jesse off and putting him in his cage. I quickly changed clothes, exchanging my jeans for a pair of comfortable sweats. I glanced back at the bed as I pulled off my shirt. I smiled and slowly walked over to the bed, gently changing Mackenzie out of her shirt, covered in blood....and my tears.....and changing her pants as well. I put her in a pair of my sweatpants and shirts, knowing how she'd like that. I threw her jeans and shirt into the trash because they were pretty much useless to clean now. I smiled and bit my lip, before slowly climbing into next to her.
​ I adjusted the covers so they covered both of us. I turned off the lamp, but left the window open, letting the soft light come in the room. The snowstorm raged outside and I closed my eyes when I heard the wind blow.
"I love you. So. Much." I whispered as I pressed my lips to her temple, her skin feeling hot, but soft underneath the skin of my lips.
"Mmmhmmmm....." Mackenzie mumbled in her sleep. I could tell she wasn't conscious, just dreaming. I kissed the top of her head and moved her arm, so I could see the bandages clearly, snaking all the way up to the bend of her elbow from the inside. I brought the bandages up to my lips and kissed over them gently, knowing how deep they were and how much she didn't want to do this. But....I guess.....you don't hit relapse...relapse hits you....And boy. Did it hit her hard. I already felt like she was walking on eggshells. But now...she really will be. I love her. And I won't let that happen to her. I won't let her take her own life. Or..even try to. I need her. And I don't really think she realizes just how much......
​​​​​​ So...as I laid there....my beautiful girl by my side....I realized....nothing else matters. I can have all the money, fame, and fortune in the world. But..I will still die eventually. Everyone will die. If it happens today...tomorrow......next week....in a couple years...or even in a hundred years....it's going to happen. And all that matters right now...is now.
I slowly fell asleep. For once, having hope. I can fight this. We can fight this. She may have scars. As well as me. But...our hearts have mended.....because of each other. I'm stronger than ever before. If I need to fight this for her, then I will. If she needs to fight for me, then she will.
"Fight fer me love. An'....I'm gonna fight fer yeh. Jus' as you fight for meh....." I mumbled against her soft hair. She sighed and curled into my chest, hugging me tightly to her. "Goodnight angel. Don't give up on me........" I whimpered, pulling her closer and tangling our legs together. She frowned in her sleep, sighing and burying her head in my chest and letting out a big breath through her nose. I stroked her hair, feeling my own exhaustion set in as I felt the luxury of sleep pull me under, silencing me and her. My eyes fluttered shut and I fell asleep, dreaming of our future.
I will fight this...so we can have a future.

A/n- What a deep chapter. Gosh Nialler. What are these? These are tears dangit.