This is not the end~ Fourth book in PLMI series

All I can do is hope-74

A/n- Be courageous and try to write in a way that scares you a little.

-Mackenzie's POV-
"Kenz....Kenz?" I heard someone ask. I was staring off into space, my head consumed with too many thoughts. Too many to fathom.
"What?" I asked, jumping as I saw Britt standing in front of me. When did she get here?
"When did you get here?" I asked, slightly confused as if my memory was denying me that memory. She frowned, looking at me with a concerned look before looking to Liam, who was standing next to her.
I traced the scars littering my leg through the holes in my jeans quietly, not looking up at them again.
"I missed you." Britt offered quietly as she sat down next to me, letting go of Liam's hand as he walked away. Something like a smile tried to come out, but it was in vain, because it floated away as soon as I looked up to see Louis, who wasn't talking to anyone, not even Alexa. Quite like me. I felt my walls that Niall had torn down and thrown away building back up. My depression was hitting me hard, threatening to pull me back down into a place I didn't want to go.
​​​​​​ "Missed you too....." I choked out, running my finger along the scars as a tear rolled down my cheek.
"I'm sorry Kenz. This shouldn't have happened." She whispered faintly. I sighed, laying my head on her shoulder quietly.
"He has to get through it. All I can do is...hope." I whispered, looking down at the sparkly ring glinting on my finger.

-Niall's POV-
I heard the door open and opened my eyes faintly, looking up to see Harry. He sat down next to the bed in a chair and sighed, staring at me in silence.
"How's Kendall?" I choked out, my throat dry and aching. My eyelids drooped in exhaustion as his face swam before my eyes.
"You're crazy. Asking about her when you're so sick." He shook his head, flicking his long hair out of his eyes. He studied me for a moment before reaching out to touch my shoulder.
"She's the same." He admitted, sighing in exasperation. I nodded slowly as we were plunged into a comfortable silence.
I turned to him painfully, observing his red eyes and tired face. "Can you....do me a favor? Well.....two....?" I whispered quietly. He looked up at me, a hint of recognition in his eyes.
"Oh um.....sure." he replied, flicking his hair back.
"First of all, you have to get me a burger. Or pizza. Or anything better than this hospital. Because honestly, this food will be the death of me." As soon as I said it, I realized how it sounded and swallowed nervously as I watched his face drop. He tried to compose it, but I could see it in his eyes that I had said the wrong thing. "Harry I..." I started, but he only shook his head, smiling at me faintly.
"Of course. I'll get you something to eat." He sighed, shaking his head. I nodded slowly in appreciation before my eyes fluttered closed for a second thoughts pain. Everything seemed to hurt now. My lungs especially. It felt like they were closing in, the cancer, closing in. Plus, I had a horrible headache from the florescent lights above my head. Struggling to keep my eyes open, I grabbed his hand tightly, feeling much weaker than before.
"Does it hurt........?" Harry whispered quietly, probably aware of my headache. I nodded slowly, my eyes fluttering closed.
"It hurts Haz....." I whined, shakily reaching up to touch his curly hair. His hand gripped mine tighter, but I didn't mind. I knew he was scared. Hell, I was scared too.......
And as I looked at him, I could tell he was slowly breaking inside. I wanted to tell him that it would be okay. To reassure him, to hug him and say how much I appreciated his friendship and that I wasn't going to die, but I felt myself questioning all of it.
I had always known life wasn't a guarantee, but it sure was scary as hell to leave it all behind. Harry was like my brother, and I wanted to protect him from all of this. I wanted him to be as happy as he was during x factor.
"Harry, I'm sorry." I whispered lightly, tightening my grip on his hand. He frowned lightly and then looked back up at me.
"Why? None of this is your fault." He replied, but I shook my head.
"I wanted to protect you...from all of this." I whispered and he sighed.
"You don't need to protect me Niall. From anything. Just because you're sick, it doesn't mean that I think any less of you. You're still the same person to me, to all of us." Harry said, I took a small breath through my nose and closed my eyes tightly.
"I....I'm sorry...it's just, I've been doubting everything lately, and my mind is running wild, and...everything hurts...and.." I trailed, but Harry shook his head, stopping me.
"Stop talking Niall." He said. We fell into a comfortable silence.
My mind wandered as I sat there. I thought about what it would be like to be gone. I know a lot of the times people say we shouldn't be afraid of death, but once you get close enough, it scares the heck out of you. Just enough to know that this is real. I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating.....but....I'm not.
But, on the other hand, maybe it would be better to be gone, instead of being in this much pain. I don't know what medicine they're pumping through my veins, but it sure isn't working. I wish I could just break free from this hospital bed and run around with the boys onstage. I wanted to marry Mackenzie, proposing to her on skates like I had planned. I wanted to have children with her and be there for her when she needed it. I wanted to hold her and not have her be scared if she was hurting me. I wanted to see our children, the ones I have ashamedly imagined in my head so many times. The little boy with the dirty blonde hair and green eyes and the girl, who looks so much like Kenz, with her dark hair and my eyes. I wanted it all, and more. I wanted a life. I wanted more than this. I wanted more living than this. Cutting my life off at 20 wasn't ideal. I had had so much more to do, so much more to say, so much more to see......
"Ni?" Harry asked, snapping me out of my daze. I looked up quickly, my eyes opening slowly, as usual. "What else did you...umm...want me to do....?" He asked slowly. I closed my eyes again and laid back.
"Take care of Mackenzie."