This is not the end~ Fourth book in PLMI series

Drunken idiot-35

A/n- ehhh.

-Niall's POV-
    My heart sunk to the floor when I saw Mackenzie, standing in the middle of our room, blood dripping off her wrist. I immediately ran to her wrapping her in the tightest hug I could manage without suffocating her.
       "What happened?" I asked quietly, my voice cracking and lower than usual. I felt tears come to my eyes, but she wasn't crying anymore. Her eyes were tear stained, but no tears fell from her eyes.
​​​​​​      "I...don't know...." she whispered. My heart dropped. She doesn't know?  What does that mean?  She had to have a reason...didn't she?  Gosh, why can't I always be with her when this happens? I wish I could. Gosh, I feel like it's all my fault. If only...I would've been here. She needs help. I can't handle this on my own anymore. It's just...not working.
       I pulled back to look at her before pulling her into the bathroom and lifting her up to sit on the counter. She watched me silently as I pulled out some tape and bandages for her arm. I grabbed a wash cloth out of the drawer and got it wet with warm water. I gently picked up her arm and held it into the light, looking at the cuts and observing them. She squirmed uncomfortably, looking ashamed. I sighed and looked up into her green eyes.
      "Niall...." she whispered, her eyes pleading with me. I was thrown back, suddenly to when I first met her. Her pleading, scared eyes. Her broken body, shivering and crying in the cold. She's still the same girl. Even though she's changed. I've seen all sides of her. This one is a new one. She used to...know why she was cutting. But now....it's become such an addiction...she doesn't even know what she's doing to herself anymore. I vowed to fix her....but I failed.
      "Shhh....." I cooed as I wiped away some of the already dried blood which was smeared on her wrist. I felt tears come to my eyes as I stared at her marred wrist. I let one fall as I slowly smeared some antibiotic cream on her cuts before bandaging them up slowly.
      She stared at me the whole time, her green eyes quiet and peaceful looking. She slowly reached out to twist a lock of my hair around her finger, not saying anything. I moved the stuff to the side and moved to stand between her legs, rubbing my thumb along her thigh hesitantly.
      Her green eyes closed and I leaned forward, planting a kiss on her forehead. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at me, her eyes becoming more sad when she saw I was crying. Her fingers moved up to my face and she slowly wiped away my tears, not saying anything and being incredibly hesitant.
      "Kenz....." I whispered, letting her wrap her arms around herself protectively.
       "Shhh.....don't say it....I know what you're going to say Niall." She whispered, looking down at her lap. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it slightly.
       "Baby. I know this is hard for you....." I whispered and she whimpered slightly, leaning into my chest and wrapping her arms tightly around me.
       "I'm sorry......I...I'm such an idiot." She whimpered into my chest, her breath hitching, indicating she was crying. I sighed and hugged her tightly to me, not letting her go for anything. I gently picked her up and carried her into our bedroom and sat down on the bed with her. Jesse jumped up on the bed next to us as I layed us down on the bed, holding her tightly. She cried gently into my chest, but didn't sob, just cried.
      "You aren't an idiot love....shhh..." I sighed, holding her fast as she let it all out.
      "I'm sorry Niall." She apologized again.
     "Shhh...." I whispered, running my hand over her hair gently, stroking it and whispering in her ear. "I love you. You're beautiful.  You're strong. You're amazing. I love you. You're safe. I'm here now. I'll fight this with you. I'm here." I whispered in her ear. She looked up at me, her eyes red and tired. She sighed and leaned into me, wrapping her arms around my torso and pulling me closer.
     "Hold me." She whimpered. (A/n- AHH. STAR WARRRSSS QUOTE.) She held onto my body as if I would leave, clinging to my shirt.
      "I'm not leaving." I said, making sure this was evident. She nodded against my chest as she layed her head down where my heart is.
       "I love you." She whispered, her voice sounding tired. My heart melted.
       "I love you too princess." I replied, playing with her reddish brownish hair.
      She sighed and closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. I closed my eyes tightly, wishing all this was a dream. Wishing Mackenzie cutting herself was a dream. Wishing half of this mess was a dream. I need to have her talk to someone......