This is not the end~ Fourth book in PLMI series

Alive but dead-82

-Mackenzie's POV- ««two weeks later»»
     My eyes opened suddenly when I heard a quiet knock at my door, jumping as I sat up. "Go away!" I slurred, talking for the first time in a week.

"Kenz....you know what's today...." Harry's voice came raspy through the door. I swallowed as I remembered, wincing.

"Leave me alone!" I shouted again angrily, throwing a pillow towards the door. Harry opened the door then, coming inside just as I pulled the covers over my head. He pulled them off me as quickly as they covered my eyes, making a string of acrid curse words fly from my mouth, directed at him.

Rolling his eyes, he sighed, dragging me out of bed harshly. "You can cuss me out later. Shower and get dressed. You look like shit. You know we have to do this, no matter how much we don't want to. And if you wouldn't have gotten so freaking stoned, maybe you wouldn't be so impossible." He growled, throwing a beer bottle in the garbage can. His face was emotionless, as if he was too sad to show any.

     "I'm not going. They can shove it. I'm not f-" I started, but Harry cut me off.

     "Shower." He growled, slamming the door behind him after he left my room quickly and without another word.

     "Ugh!" I exclaimed in aggravation before getting up off the floor where I had fallen after Harry's fit.

     Pulling on some jeans that had been lying on the floor for what seemed like ages, I yawned, not getting any sleep lately because Niall was gone. I pulled on a t shirt and didn't bother brushing my hair or teeth, too far gone to do any of that. My breath must've reeked something horrible, I could taste it. I hadn't had make up on for at least a week and haven't taken a proper shower either. I was living, but not, talking and walking, but not. I was alive, but dead.

      Liam was sitting in the living room with Britt, waiting for me probably, both looking angrily up at me as I walked into the room. My head was throbbing as I ignored them, walking straight to the kitchen and pouring myself a cup of coffee. "Kenz. Come on." Liam said sternly. I turned to face him and found he was closer than I had anticipated, so much so that I slammed against his chest. I closed my eyes at the name Niall had called me so often.

     "Don't call me that." I said painfully, trying to pull out of his grasp. He pulled me back roughly by my wrist, making me wince at the crack as he cracked a bone in it. "Let go of me." I said, my voice lower than normal and my body starting to shake. His fingers digging into my skin reminded me all too much of Trey and I cowered away from him in fear. Britt looked at us with an amount of concern before avoiding her eyes.

       "Fine. But you need to clean up your act. I know you don't want to do this, but you're being selfish and acting like a child. So I suggest you do something about this before you get into real trouble." He growled, his face close to mine as he searched my eyes angrily. This angered me, although it was the sad truth.

      "Who's gonna give me that trouble? You?" I challenged, getting closer yet, not afraid of him at all. They didn't understand. No one did. Couldn't they see that all I wanted was to grieve in peace? To get over the death of my love before I have to talk about it all the time?    Wait no.......getting over it....I don't think I could ever do that. The pain was so great and so oddly consuming I found myself thinking he was still alive. He was merely asleep, at the studio, out with the boys, or even visiting his family. But...I knew very well that this was not true. I just couldn't stop my mind from thinking ​​​​​​it.

       "You know very well who. Simon, that's who. If you want to tell him how much you've been pissing around, then that's fine with me." He shot back, irritated. "Act however you want behind the cameras, but in front, you better do what I say." He whispered, threatening me.