Awkward (Cashton)

Chapter 5 Maybe we can make this work?

Ashton POV

I walk into school and the feeling of dread, like always. I go right to my locker keeping my head down. I pull my phone out my pocket to look up my locker combo.

"Hey, Ashton."

"Hey, Luke."

"You okay you seem down?" I look over at him before looking back at my locker and trying to get the code right.

"Just tired."

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over after school today maybe?"

"I'll have to see, " I reply as I tug open my locker and get my books out. "You sure you're okay?" Luke questions looking at me. I sigh and look at him knowing not giving him eye contact is not helping me hiding how I really feel. "I'm just fine," I say and fake a smile. Luke nods as the bell rings. "If you say so." "See you later," I say and go down the hall. I get to class and see Calum writing.

I haven't told anyone about us yet, I'm afraid my mom won't approve as she's not the most supportive but maybe she'll prove me wrong. He writes. "I won't tell anyone," I say as I turn to face the board and write down notes.

A few hours later the bell rings for lunch. I decided to not go to the cafeteria and have lunch with Luke and Michael because I don't feel like being around people. Last night was rough and my dad and I got into a fight. I wonder if there's a bruise on my ribs now? I frown at the thought. I can feel my depression ebbing back into my life again and I feel like I'm drowning. I haven't told either of them what's going on cause who brings that up to their best friends? No one. I can handle this on my own.

I sit in the hall and lean against my locker and unzip my backpack and get out my lunch. I take my phone out of my pocket and turn on my music. I scroll through my playlist before settling on the song "Astronaut " By Simple Plan. I close my eyes and get lost in the music and try to keep myself together. I bite my lip so that my face won't show any emotion and will myself not to cry, not here. I don't notice someone sitting next to me until I open my eyes and see Calum looking at me with a concerned expression.

"Sorry I was just listening to music," I say pausing it and trying to look relaxed. "Why are you not in the cafeteria with Luke and Michael?" He types into his phone. "I don't feel like being around my friends today," I say and shrug like it's no big deal. "So you don't want to be around me?" He types and pokes out his bottom lip and looks so cute doing it. "Not at all, I like having you with me." He smiles and scoots a little closer to me. I put my other earbud in his ear and change the song. "You busy after school?" I ask. Calum frowns and looks at his vans before typing into his phone

"Yeah I have therapy today, honestly it's useless but it makes my mom happy so whatever." I nod wondering how therapy works when your patient can't articulate their feelings in the form of speech. "I could always ditch it thought, spend time with you." He types and smiles. "No, I'm okay."

"Your sad I can tell." He types and looks at me really hard. "I'm f- fine." but my voice cracks slightly. "What's wrong?" He types. I look over at him just as I see Luke and Michael walking down the hall. I stuff my lunch in my bag and hurriedly get up. Calum looks confused and types rapidly. "I'm sorry but I have to go I'll see you later okay?" I don't wait for his reply before going the opposite direction of my friends and going to the school parking lot.

My heart and mind are racing as I reach my car and open the door and sit in the driver's seat. My eyes seem to wander as I put my backpack in the passenger's seat. No, not now. I try to calm myself down as I start up the car. I have a lot of secrets that I should tell my two best friends, but I can't. The first one is that I'm gay. Like anyone else I'm terrified to come out and tell them I'm dating Calum at that? No way.