Awkward (Cashton)

Chapter 2 Therapy

Calum POV

I wake up   panting and sweating.  Another nightmare and I never can scream to wake myself up. I always have the same nightmare and it's never left it's of the day I stopped speaking the day my vocal chords ceased to warm up and project a beautiful beam of language to people but leaving me quite, and very lonely.  I reach for my phone in the darkness and listen to music.  Today is the second day of school and I have a bit of hope with having friends, but all my teachers think I'm stupid. I get to school and see Ashton and perk up and walk over to him. He's standing outside talking with a blond haired boy.  I tap his shoulder and wait for him to turn around. 

"Calum! Hey, this is  my friend Luke." He says. The blond boy waves and looks at me expectantly. "This is  Calum, from my lit class," Ashton explains. Luke nods his eyes on me waiting for me to speak.  "Are you super shy?" He asks. I pull out my phone but Ashton talks for me. " He doesn't talk." "So he's mute?" Luke asks and raises his eyebrows. "Yeah be nice," Ashton says turning back to look at me and smiles. I should get to class but I just wanted to say hi. I type in my phone and go inside the building. That day was awful. I got shoved in the hallway and my math teacher keeps insisting that I can talk. 

"So how was your week?" My therapist asks. I sink back in the couch and feel like crying. "How is your new school?" She asks. The pen is still laying on the notebook as I put my face in my hands my shoulders slump. "Calum?" I stay like this letting my whirlwind of thoughts come in my head making it impossible to make a sentence. "Are you okay?" Why does she ask me questions I can't answer?  I sit up and click the pen and write.

My new school is okay but my teachers are so mean to me, they think I don't talk cause I'm lazy, but I'm not. Even if I did speak I have no idea what I would sound like? After all, it's been a while. I have no friends. Well, one but I don't know if he's friends with me out of pity. I just wish I was normal and go back to my old self. I write and turn it around.  She reads it and nods. " Look on the bright side.

What bright side? I write and hold it up. 

"That you are in a new place and can make more new friends." She says. 

I. Don't. Speak. I. Can't Speak. SO THAT MAKES HAVING FRIENDS HARD FOR ME. I hold it up and let out a huff.  "Well..." She's quite and sits there thinking and I feel like leaving.  Can I be done? I write. She nods. I get up and open the door and my mom looks up. " That was quick." She says. I pull out my phone 

"Yeah, I'm not feeling too great.  I rapidly type into my phone " Oh, you hungry?"She asks I shake my head and walk to the car and open and close my mouth willing myself to speak.  I get home and go right up to my room.  I do some homework and stare at the wall.  even if I did talk, what would I sound like?  I  go to my computer and scroll through my photos and find a video fo me from before the accident and smile.   Before I lost my voice I used to sing, I loved it too. I'd sing so much my sister would tell me to shut up. But now  I can't do that, and it sucks.  I hear a  soft knock on my door. I get up off my bed and open the door. " Mom said you had a rough day? Want to um talk about it?"    I  write on the whiteboard on my door 

*sigh* it's nothing major, just adjusting to school and teachers being accommodating over the fact that I can't talk like I do all the work but the force me to participate in class discussions. "I get it,  I was going to the mall and was wondering if you wanted to go?  Get out of the house for a bit.   I erase what  I just wrote and write my reply.  "I'm ok, I should help mom with dinner anyway. " Ok." I shut the door and flop back on my bed and feel like screaming. I'm trapped inside my own head and their's no way of escaping.  I'm tired of writing everything I have to say but their's no other way for me to do it so I'm stuck and I wish there was a way out.