Simply Sonny: An SVU love story

Chapter 24: Change

"How was dinner with Sonny and Bella?" My therapist asks once I'm seated in her office.

My smile grows wide, "great, and I actually went out on a real date with Sonny last night."

"Alright, and that went well too?" She asks.

"Very. He's really sweet, I like him a lot." I tell her but adjust in my chair as I get ready to tell her more, "but I'm worried about what comes next. The other night after dinner at his sisters he leaned in to kiss me. He ended up kissing me on the cheek. But I started to have flashbacks from the rape."

"Well, that's normal." She tells me, she opens her mouth to say more but I interrupt her.

"But I thought I was moving on. I'm ready to move on." I argue.

She holds her hands up, "it's going to take time, it's going to be hard Addison. Right now, you are motivated and eager to put this all behind you. However, you experienced a huge trauma and it is going to shape your life from now on. Even though you don't want it to, it will." She tells me.

"How do I control it?" I ask her, feeling defeated now, "why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Because you're going through your own timeline. I wanted you to feel that relief, feel that hope so you know what it's like when it comes again. To know that you will get there again, it will be okay. I can help by being here for you, to listen to you but this is your mind, your experience, and you are the one who will shape what it is going to turn you into. What do you want this to do to you? Who do you want to be?" She asks me. I hum out with an exhale, not knowing how to answer her, "do you want to be who you were?" She asks. I shake my head no, "do you want to be a victim?"

"Of course not." I instantly say back to that question.

"Then don't be. Let out everything you've been harboring since the rape, since the trial and use it to mold into someone you want to be. Surround yourself with people who will help you, become a survivor."

"Sounds easier said than done." I hum out.

She taps her pencil against her paper, "that is true, it will not be easy. But you have people in your corner."

I nod with a small smile to thank her and we finish the session without much more back and forth. I leave and when I get into my apartment her words flood back through me. I know I can't stay here and expect to move on easily. I pull up my laptop and start searching for a new apartment to move into. The options are slim for my budget but there's a studio a few blocks away that I can manage, cheaper then what I am paying now. I email the realtor to set up a time to see it and close the screen. The next day I go out and stop at my school, and officially resign. "Can I say goodbye to my students?" I ask the principal and he allows.

"Ms. Collins!" They all cheer and jump up when they see me. It's been over a month since they last saw me, and their smiling faces bring one to my own.

"Hey kiddies!" I squeal back trying to hug them all.

"I missed you!" One yells out. "Where have you been?" Another one calls. "Our sub is mean!" Another adds on and I chuckle.

"I missed you all so much. I've been dealing with some things, but you guys look so much older!" I change the subject, knowing how 2nd graders are with their questions, "can you believe it's almost spring break? Whose going somewhere fun?" I ask, waiting for them all to shout out to me what they think they are doing.

After an hour catching up and saying goodbye to my students I leave the school and head back to my apartment to try and figure out everything that goes into moving out of my apartment and getting out of my lease. The realtor messaged me back and we made an appointment to meet tomorrow at noon at the building. I sort through a bunch of old paperwork and call my landlord. "Hello?" He answers in a husky voice.

"Hi Mr. Frag, this is Addison Collins. Apartment 603." I re-introduce myself over the phone. I saw him at the police station after Mrs. Blaine's murder. I figured he might know who I was by name but still wanted to mention where in the building I was located.

"Hello Ms. Collins, what can I do for you?" He asks.

I've only dealt with him twice before in the 2 years I lived here and he seemed nice enough, "well, I'm sure you are aware of everything that happened here prior to Mrs. Blaine's death?" I ask, hoping he doesn't make me have to tell him.

He hums back, "mmmm, I do. And I am so sorry about what happened. We are lucky we had those cameras installed."

"Yes, we are." I say back, annoyed he's trying to act like this happened to both of us, "we'll, I know my lease isn't up for another 7 months but I just can't bear to stay in this apartment anymore. Is there any way you could help me out and let me out of my lease?" I ask kindly, hoping he has some kind of sympathy for me.

The line is silent for a bit and I bite my lower lip waiting for his response. He exhales as if what he is about to say is hard for him, "I would like to help you but if I let you out of your lease and word gets out then everyone will start asking for favors. The incidents here the past few months have caused people to chatter, and I just can't risk it. I'm sorry Ms. Collins." He explains to me.

"Ya but the incidents here are ones I've been directly involved in, they would understand," I argue.

"I'm sorry I can't help you. If you want to pay the fine to terminate your lease you can." He simply says back.

"Alright. Thanks." I return, hanging up before he could say anything more. It'll cost 3 thousand dollars to be let out of my lease and with putting a down payment on a new place, I just can't afford that at this time. I throw my cell phone down next to me and stare blankly ahead. There's a knock on my door an hour or so later. I quickly rush over to the door and call out through it, "hello?" Hesitating to answer.

"It's me." Sonny's voice calls in.

My mind quickly remembers we were supposed to go out to again tonight and I open the door with a frown on my face, "Sonny, I'm so sorry. I totally forgot about tonight." I look down at myself in the t-shirt and sweatpants I'm wearing.

"Oh, that's okay." He smiles back undeterred, "do you still want to go out?" He asks.

I purse my lips together, "I do, but I'm not ready to go anywhere, I look ridiculous." I semi chuckle.

"Nonsense, you look great in that t-shirt." He winks.

I look down at it and notice that it's the one he gave me to wear when I was staying in the hotel. I semi-laugh with a blush, "thanks."

"We can stay in, watch some bad TV?" He offers the idea.

I open the door further allowing him to come in, "sure."