Simply Sonny: An SVU love story

Chapter 51: Love

The next few days are all a blur. Sonny is on temporary leave to heal and has to wait to get cleared for return. I go to my therapists, whose just as surprised about Sonny's engagement as I was. Although she did seem happy for us, she also wanted to make sure that this wasn't moving too fast for me. I was relieved when she said that, thinking the same thing at times. I go over to Sonny's after my appointment for dinner. He has the table set, candles lit and jazz music playing in the background, "hey doll." He smiles and leans in to kiss me when he opens the door.

"Hey," I say back, trying to hide my nervous face.

But he knows me well enough and asks, "what's wrong?" moving over so I can come inside.

"nothing's wrong." I try to lie to him, not wanting to ruin the night he had planned.

"Addison, come on. You can tell me anything." He pushes, in his nice guy way. His blue eyes pleading with me to open up to him.

I sigh, hoping everything will be okay when I say this, "Sonny, why do you like me?"

He gently rolls his eyes in a playful manner but also takes my hand, pulling me further into his apartment to sit down on his couch. He sits next to me, facing me with one leg up on the couch. He slowly starts off, "well, I like you because you're kind, gentle, brave, adorable, sweet." I nod, wishing I could believe he truly felt that way, "but I love you because the way you look at me, the way you respect me, the way you make me feel when I'm with you. I love you because you're the strongest women I know, I love that you tell me how you feel, that you talk with me and not to me." My breath is caught in my lungs and I can't help but let the tears slowly fall down my face, "I love that, although you don't need me to be, I get to be the man by your side, that you trust me to take care of you. I love how my heart skips a beat when I see you. I love that I know you're my soul mate, and I am so blessed to have found you." He adjusts where he is sitting and moves to get something out of his pocket. "I was gonna wait till after dinner to tell do all of this, " he moves off the couch and onto the floor on one knee, "Addison Collins. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

Those 3 words together in that sequence, confirms to me what I was trying to push away from. He loves me, and I do of course love him too. I nod my head, accepting the beautiful ring and allowing more tears to spill down my face, "yes" I finally choke out as he pulls the ring out of the box to slip onto my finger.

He stands, scooping me up off the couch and into a hug, my feet barely touching the ground, "I love you." He says into my ear, his own voice cracking.

"I love you, too," I say back, the words never sounding so right before. He moves away from my shoulder and his lips find mine. It's a passionate kiss, one I never want to stop. My hands reach for his tie, and I pull away to get at it better.

Our heads stay close and his hands move to his tie to help me get it off. I work at the buttons on his shirt and slide the sleeves off quickly, rubbing my hands over his arms and placing my lips against his again. He lifts me off the ground and I wrap my legs around him and he walks us to his bedroom. He places me down on the bed and I crawl backward towards the pillows, slowly pulling up my shirt to take it off. Sonny lies down on top of me once it's off and we continue to kiss, our hands exploring the open skin. I can feel myself needing him, a desire I haven't had since before my attack. My hands finally make their way to his belt loop and we work at it together to get them off. Both our breathing is heavy, our mouths exploring one another's upper bodies. As he kisses my clavicle, I move my hands to my pants, zipping them down and starting to wiggle them off. Sonny catches on to what I'm doing and he leans off of me to help finish getting them off, "are you sure about this?" He asks, his fingers moving across the top of my underwear.

"I'm sure" I whisper back, my nerves starting to cause my body to shake.

"You're beautiful." He says once we're both naked, his eyes on my face, his hands holding my waist, "I love you." He whispers again, his lips coming back down to mine.

I wrap my legs around him, the feeling of his hard member against my body even further feeding my desire for him. Minutes go by and I know he's just as ready as I am. I unwrap my legs and look into his eyes, "I love you" I say to him.

He grabs a condom from the nightstand and after putting it on he puts himself at my entrance, "are you sure?" He asks me.

I nod and assure him, "yes, just go slow?" I request.

He nods to me in return and slowly pushes himself inside of me. I gasp a little at the sensation. A plethora of emotions coursed through me. Shame, happiness, sadness, desire, fear, and arousal. Once fully in, he stays frozen on top of me, "are you okay?" He whispers, a hand coming to rest on my cheek. I can feel the sting of tears wanting to form but I keep them back by staring into my fiancée's eyes. I tell myself how much he loves me, I repeat what he said to me earlier on the couch when he got down on his knee and I tell myself this is what two people do when they love each other, "Addison, we can stop." Sonny pulls my attention back and I feel him slightly go to move and pull out of me.

"No." I quickly get out, not wanting him to leave me, not wanting this to end, "I'm alright, go ahead."

He nods and slowly starts to push and pull his member in and out of me. His lips return to my mouth, then to my earlobe, my clavicle. His hand caresses my breasts. My eyes stay open though, afraid that if I close them I'll see the face of the man who ruined me. Sonny continues to push inside of me and I can tell how close he is to finishing as his breathing becomes more labored. He moves his hand to my center and starts to rub me, wanting to help me go. Although it helps me feel good, I know I'm too stuck in thinking about the past to let myself enjoy it enough to orgasm. Sonny eventually let's go, and I can feel the sperm warm through the condom inside of me. He leans his head down on my shoulder and rolls to the side off of me, "I'm sorry, I couldn't hold it anymore." After throwing it away in the trash can near his bed he leans back over to me, kissing my cheek, "let me help you." He puts his hand back to my middle and goes to rub me again.

"It's alright." I wriggle a little from his touch. He pulls away and looks to me with concern, so I elaborate, "I uhh, I don't think I'll be able to go." I look away from his stare, embarrassed, "sorry."

He pulls my face back to see him and says, "don't be sorry, it's alright." His voice is in a whisper, but it's gentle.

"I uhh, I wanted to but I just wasn't really all there. I'm sorry." I say again, feeling guilty about it.

He sits up, his gentle voice now changing, "Addison, why didn't you tell me. We didn't have to do this tonight."

I know he now feels guilty so I quickly tell him, "no! I wanted to, I promise. Everything was okay, I just.. it might take some time for me to enjoy it again." I try to explain.

He pulls me into his arms and cuddles me while telling me, "we don't have to do anything until you're ready."

I nod with my head against his chest, "I'm a lucky girl."

"And I'm a lucky guy." He returns to me, pulling me closer into him.