Simply Sonny: An SVU love story

Chapter 38: Ready

"Why didn't you tell me you passed the bar?" I ask Sonny once we're in the room and the doors closed. I try to contain the disappointment in my voice "I didn't even know you were in law school."

He shrugs, "I only just found out yesterday and I wanted to tell you when I told my parents."

"You did?" I blush momentarily, feeling embarrassed about being angry, if he wanted to share the news together, that's more important to hear from him.

He opens his arms and pulls me into a big hug, "you're my girlfriend, which means your family too now."

I lean my head up for a kiss and he reciprocates. It leads to us making out on the bed, me straddling on top of him. After a while, I get hot so I sit up and pull my shirt off. Sonny's eyes glisten over my body and I feel my skin heat up with his stare and smile. He quickly leans up to pull me back into our passionate kiss. One arm hugs me at my waist and the other holds my cheek and neck. I move my hands towards his pants and slowly work at the belt, "Adds.." he hums my name between kisses. I ignore him and continue loosening it. Once released I unbutton his button and this stops him holding me as he leans back down a little towards the bed to see me, "hey, let's slow down here, okay?" He asks.

"What? Why?" I ask, suddenly feeling naked and vulnerable. He looks at me with a sort of sad grin and I speak up before he can, "is it because I'm damaged goods?" I echo the words he said in the hospital the night Jacob held me at gunpoint.

"Hey, don't do that." He sits up, me still on his lap, "you know I didn't mean that." He finishes.

"Then what is it?" I push further, visibly upset. This rejection almost feels worse then the rape. Am I actually too damaged for him? Am I disgusting and he can't see past what he did to me? Am I still a victim to him?

He shakes his head a bit and pulls me off his lap and into his arms, "because I don't want to rush things, Addison. I want you and I to go the distance and I don't want you to regret this later down the road."

"I won't regret it," I argue him, wondering where all this is coming from.

"You might, and it would kill me to rush you into something you're not ready for." He runs a finger across my face gently.

"Sonny, " I sigh his name, "you're not rushing me."

He sighs this time, "how about you talk it over with your therapist, see if you really are ready. We can revisit this later." He offers, trying to get off the subject.

"So now I have to get permission from my therapist?" I ask sort of jokingly to hide my annoyance and anger.

He rolls his eyes, "You're impossible, you know that?" He kisses me on the forehead, ending the conversation. "I'm gonna go get ready for bed," he hops off the bed and towards the bathroom.

I pull my cell phone off the side chair and text my therapist, "can we push Thursday's meeting to tomorrow?"

I put the phone back down and search for my toothbrush in my bag, "ugh, I forgot my toothbrush at the motel! Be right back!" I call into the bathroom.

I leave the room and make my way towards where I believe Jason's room is. I knock on the door and within moments he answers it, "what's up Addy?" He smiles wide.

"You guys have any spare toothbrushes around? I forgot mine." I inform him.

"Sure, follow me." He pushes the door open further and walks down the hallway a bit farther, "I'm sorry about earlier at dinner. My father still doesn't think he has anything to do with everything that's happened with Jacob."

"Don't say his name." I spit out harshly, wishing I hadn't once it came out.

He looks at me with a head tilt then utters, "sorry, it's easy to forget what happened to you."

"Not for me, I think about it almost all the time," I say back in a flat tone.

"I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry, I just meant that --" he tries to go on.

I stop him before he can say more things to make it uncomfortable between us, "it's fine Jason, really, just show me where to grab a toothbrush."

"Right," he says turning his attention back to the bathroom. He leans down and grabs one from under the sink, "need another for Detective Carisi?" He asks.

I shake my head, "he's good, thanks."

I go to turn around but he stops me, grabbing me by my arm gently, "does he help you forget what happened, your boyfriend?"

I turn and face him, not wanting to hurt him but wanting to be honest, "sometimes. He makes me feel human again."

"Good." He responds, "I'll try to stay out of the way then." He tells me.

I half smile, "thanks, Jason."

I lean in to give him a hug and he hugs me back, "but no promises." He adds on in a whisper as we pull away.

"Everything okay?" I hear Sonny call out into the hall towards us.

"Ya just got done here," I call back to him. I turn back, "night Jason." And wave as I retreat back to the bedroom.

"All squared away?" Sonny asks me inquisitively as I walk past him.

I smile up at him, "yes, I'll be right over!" I walk into the bathroom to clean up.

Once done I walk back over to the bed and check my phone. I have one message from my therapist, "I hope everything is okay. I can squeeze you in tomorrow at 10:30 sharp. Let me know."

I return, "everything is okay, I will see you tomorrow at 10:30. Thank you." I crawl under the covers with a smile on my face and curl up next to Sonny, "why don't you tell me about law school, when did you start?" I start to ask him questions, intrigued about what made him want to go into law and everything behind him becoming a lawyer.