Love Me (Completed)

Chapter 20 - Just Classmate

I keep on having this feeling in my chest since this morning. A heavy feeling that I can't remove at kanina pa ako parang hindi mapakali.

Gusto ko na ngang mag cut ng classes dahil sumasakit ang ulo ko pero pumasok pa rin ako. Pupuntahan ko nalang si Sebastian mamaya.

Nagtext ako sa kanya na dadaan ako pero hindi siya nagreply. Maybe he's just sleeping since wala siyang pasok.

Pagdating ko nagtext ako na paakyat na ako but still no reply.

Huminga ako ng malalim habang nakatingin sa numbers ng elevator. Maybe when I see him mawawala na 'tong weird feeling.

We can order food and I'll just lay on his lap, with him brushing my hair using his fingers then I'll feel okay.

Hinanap ko ang susi ng apartment niya and I think I heard noises inside. Gising na pala siya pero hindi nagrereply!

I entered his apartment without knowing he has company.

I was stoned on the doorway when I saw him with a girl on his lap. They both turned their heads upon hearing the door. I couldn't even do as much as blink as I was registering the sight in front of me.

His hair is disheveled and I take it that I may have interrupted their private moment. The girl didn't even pulled down her clothes that hang just under her ribs.

I bit my lip then pick up the keys that fell and muttered a sorry before closing the door.

Sumandal ako sa pader sa labas ng apartment. Breathe, Viktoria. Breathe.

Nilingon ko lang si Sebastian nang lumabas siya sa apartment. I was expecting him to ask the girl to leave but well he didn't.

"Sorry." I said again. I know in this situation I shouldn't be the one saying sorry.

I should yell at him, hit him or ask him to explain but I can't find the strenght to do that. This is so not like me. I stayed calm and composed even if everything is falling apart inside me.

So this was the feeling that I've been having since earlier.

"I didn't know you were coming. Sana nagtext ka." He said softly like he regretted it and was feeling sorry.

"I did. But maybe you're just too busy to look at your phone." Sagot ko. "Next time I--"

No. I stopped. There will be no more next time.

"I'm sorry. Aalis na ako. I'm sorry to interrupt." 'Yun nalang ang nasabi ko.

Just days ago, we were the one sitting there and kissing and now..

"Vik. It's not- we were.. she was... she's just a classmate." He finally said.

"No. You don't have to explain. I understand." I just said that because if I say anything more than that alam kong hindi ko kakayanin.

I will surely break down in front of him and I don't want that. Ayaw kong ipakita sa kanya na ganon ako kaaffected sa nakita ko.

We were nothing. Nothing is going on. Maybe for him I was just one of his flings. Like that girl inside one of his flings. It hurts me to admit it to myself.

He had many flings before me. I thought he was becoming serious and I never dared asking him but I had hoped. Maybe I was one but this tiny little hope inside me still hopes that I'm not until now.

He nodded. So I was right then.

I'm Viktoria Marie Gochingco and I will not cry. Not in front of a guy. If I want to cry I'd do it in my bed. Alone.

So I nodded too then when he said nothing I took it as a cue to leave.

He followed me and he stopped me before I reached the elevator.

I look at his face waiting for him to explain but nothing came. I just watched him open and closed his mouth and I know I'm not receiving any.

So I started walking again. He didn't follow me this time but for the last time I turned around and saw him looking at me. And for the last time I said,

"Are you not going to say anything? Hindi mo ba ipagtatanggol sarili mo? I know it's stupid but I'd rather hear you say she's nothing and that I was wrong or it's not what it is."

Tinitigan niya ako and I have no idea what's going on or what he is thinking but when he opened his mouth to say something, I wished he didn't.

"I'm sorry."

Sorry wasn't what I expected. But maybe that's the explanation I'm getting. Sorry that he couldn't love me like I love him. Sorry that he lead me on and sorry that.. I don't know! Hindi ko alam kung anong ibig sabihin ng sorry niya.

"Were you ever serious with me? Or was I just a--" I paused. "Sebastian, what are we? Ano ako sayo?"

If that girl was just a classmate then what am I? I needed to know.

"You were my," Tinignan niya ako at napayuko siya. "Friend. We're friends, Viktoria."

That was all I needed.

I swallowed hard to stop and bit my inner cheek to stop myself from tearing up. No, you don't cry Viktoria. You're stronger than this.

"Okay." I nodded. I understand.

Baka sinubukan lang niya, maybe he just want to experience the thrill and now that he had his fun, nagsawa na siya.

Maybe it only meant one thing. That I should leave him be. Getting out of his life might be the best thing I could do for him and for me.

I kind of expected this. Of course I'm just a friend. Pero akala ko iba siya. I trusted him to be different. After spending time with him, after all the laughter we shared, the kisses, and all those moments of comforting one another, I let my guard down. 'Yun lang ang pagkakamali ko.

Now I know he's just the same with everyone else.

I was wrong to let him walked into my heart and gave him the permission to break it.

It was all my fault.