Love Me (Completed)

Chapter 43 - Happy

The kiss bothered me so much that it affects my everyday life. I couldn't do my work properly, I don't have any mood for happy hours and worse, I couldn't look David in the eye.

I didn't tell him or anybody regarding what happened. Ayaw ko nang sabihin sa ibang tao because it's my business and if there's one person na dapat kong pagsabihan it'll be David.

He gave me too much freedom and let me and Sebastian be friends because he trust me and I let him down. I let this happen. Hindi dapat nangyayari 'to kung sa simula pa lang ay ako na ang umiwas kay Sebastian kahit na sinabi niyang okay lang.

This isn't an accident. It was a mistake. Hinalikan ko siya pabalik and I couldn't get him off my mind. Shit, this is so bad.

Dalawang araw kong tinago sa kanya ang nangyari at ngayon ay napagdesisyunan ko nang sabihin sa kanya. Hindi ko na kaya na makaharap siya at nagsisinungaling pa rin ako sa kanya.

David is too good of a person to be treated this way. Sinabi ko dati na walang tao ang dapat maging option but I'm doing that now. Pakiramdam ko sobrang sama kong tao and I don't deserve him. I don't deserve anyone.

"Can we talk inside?" Sabi ko pagkahatid niya sa akin sa bahay.

"Bakit? Hindi pa nga ako umaalis miss mo na agad ako." Ngumisi siya.

Pinilit kong ngumiti. "Hindi kasi. I have to tell you something."

Nagisip siya at pumayag rin. He parked his car while I waited inside.

Nakaupo ako sa dulo ng sofa at pinisil ko ang kamay ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko uumpisahan at sasabihin.

I just had a sudden thought that I want to tell him but I don't have any idea how I'm going to do that. Now that he's here lalong nablanko ang utak ko. 

Umupo siya sa tabi ko at sinandal ang ulo sa sofa. "Ano 'yun?"

"Sorry."

He chuckled. "For what? Minsan ko lang 'yan marinig sayo ah. Mukhang malaking kasalanan 'yan ginawa mo. Hmm, what should be your punishment?"

"I told you Sebastian got drunk the first night. I didn't tell you I was the one who brought him to his room. He wouldn't let anyone touch him." 

"Okay. And then?"

"He told me he miss me then I left." 

Hindi na siya nakikipaglokohan katulad kanina. Seryoso na siya kaya hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaksyon siya sa sunod kong sasabihin.

"That's it? Okay. Look, I know you think you did something wrong. You didn't. Ayaw niyang magpahawak so it's--"

"We kissed." I said cutting him off. "We kissed on the second night."

Natigilan siya sa sinabi ko. Pumikit ako dahil ayaw kong makita ang itsura niya. I don't want to see how he look at me right now.

Silence filled the room so I opened my eyes and saw that his eyes were firmly shut and his jaw clenches.

"David--"

"Who kissed who?" He said it word per word. Calmly but firmly.

"He kissed me." I said then because I don't want any lies anymore I added, "And I kissed him back."

Tumungo siya. His hair fell to his forehead and I couldn't see his eyes.

"Say something." I said when he still didn't.

"What do you want me to say? What done is done." He said and it came out bitterly if not angry.

And I rather him get angry at me than this. Mas gusto kong sigawan niya ako kaysa sa ganitong pananahimik niya. I hate what Sebastian did to me pero ginawa ko rin ngayon kay David.

"Magalit ka or something. Say whatever you want. Sabihin mo na matanda na ako dapat alam ko na anong tama sa mali at ang dapat gawin sa hindi. David, please."

"I don't know what you want me to say, Viktoria. I know. I know from the start that you love him and you still do. I'm just stupid to hope that maybe you would forget about him and love me too. Maybe I was wrong to hope for something that isn't going to happen. So I'm not mad. I'm just hurt but it will pass. Thank you for telling me."

"No it won't. I'm sorry if you think I gave you false hope but when I said that I want you, I really do. Ikaw na ang gusto ko ngayon. That kiss was a mistake. Sebastian is just a part of my past." I said carefully. I already hurt him enough at ayaw ko nang dumagdag pa.

Umangat ang ulo niya at napatingin sa akin. I could see that he is devastated by what I said and I'm ashamed I did that to him. Of all people to David!

"Do you love me?" He asked it so sudden that I couldn't answer.

I just opened my mouth and closed it again. No words came out. I was going to say yes but then ayaw ko nang dagdagan pa ang kasinungalingan na sinabi ko. I don't want to lie to him anymore and to myself.

"Do you love him?" He asked again.

A sob came out from my mouth. Pinigilan ko pero hindi ko na kaya kaya hinayaan ko nalang. Tears fell down to my cheeks.

He nodded and shook his head. Like he's having an inner debate with himself. Then he chuckled more to himself.

"Are you happy?" He asked after a while.

The same question Sebastian had asked me before he kissed me. I don't have an answer at that time but now I do.

I nodded, "Yes."

"Good. I want to make you happy, Viktoria. Gusto kong makita kang masaya. That's all I ever wanted simula nang makilala kita."

"I'm happy."

"But you're happier with him." His voice cracked.

Pumikit ako ng mariin. Masaya ako kay David pero alam kong may kulang. Hindi ko lang pinapansin noon. Something I don't understand because with Sebastian I'm just happy. Just happy and everything else doesn't matter as long as we're together but I don't feel that with him and he know it.

I hate to admit this but he's right. Kahit na sandali lang kami ni Sebastian ay 'yun ang mga masasayang araw ng buhay ko.

"I don't want him. I'm with you kaya ikaw ang pipiliin ko."

He put his hands on my shoulder and leveled my gaze. "I don't want you to choose me just because I'm here. That because I'm the easy choice. It doesn't work that way."

"Hindi kita pinili dahil doon. I chose you because I said I want to try this with you!"

"And we did. But look at us-- look at you. This isn't working." 

"We can make it work. Don't do this, David." Umiling ako.

Umiling rin siya. "Go back to him, Vik."

Panay ang iling ko at sinubukan kong lumapit. Hinawakan ko ang mukha niya at ganon rin ang ginawa niya sa akin.

"Don't make this hard for me, hmm? Go back to him. That's where you belong."

Hindi na ako sumagot. Nginitian lang niya ako at hinalikan sa ulo bago siya umalis.