Love Me (Completed)

Chapter 39 - I Love You

Today is not a good day to break it off with him. Of all days ngayon pa ako niyaya ng parents niyang maglunch sa bahay nila.

Tuwang tuwa naman si Mama at ang dami niyang bilin sa akin and she even asked me to change when she saw what I'm wearing.

"Smile." She patted my shoulder. "Why, are you nervous?"

I shook my head and forced a smile. I couldn't tell her the real reason why I can't smile right? I was planning to break up with David and everyone has no idea!

Worst is David showed up my doorsteps beaming and he looks really happy that finally I get to have lunch with them.

"Okay ka lang?" Sinulyapan niya ako nang stoplight.

"I don't know. Hindi kasi palangiti si Uncle so I guess kinakabahan lang ako." Sagot ko.

And I can almost imagine how scary he is when he said that if David get himself a non chinese girl tatanggalan niya ito ng mana.

I'm chinese and I'm his friend's daughter so I know hindi niya ako susungitan pero natatakot ako. What if he can see through what I plan to do with David? Paano kung masira ang friendship nila ni Papa dahil sa akin? I don't know how I can live with that.

And what if he blamed David for not being good enough? So many things are going into my head.

"Looking at your face, mukhang kinakabahan ka nga." Tinawanan niya ako at hinawakan ang kamay ko. "Just relax. Akong bahala sayo."

Huminga ako ng malalim bago tumango. I just have to go through this lunch with his parents and it'll be fine.

This is not what I expected I will be once I meet with my boyfriend's parents. Hindi ako mahiyain and I can make them like me using my mouth.

But as of the moment while facing them, I couldn't speak. I couldn't even look at them! For sure hindi ito ang tamang manners but I can't do it because if I do mahahalata sa mukha ko ang lahat ng iniisip ko.

I just answer whatever question they ask at buti nalang habang kumakain ay walang nagsasalita. I thank God for this silence.

As usual seryoso ang Papa niya at kinakamusta lang ang work ko sa office at ang Mama naman niya ay sinasaway siya dahil apparently he should be asking me not work related questions.

Kung hindi ako kinakabahan ay baka natawa na ako. Who would have thought that someone as serious as his father would bow down to his mother.

"Feeling ko hindi ako masyado gusto ng Papa mo. Feel ko pagagalitan ako ni Papa paguwi." Sabi ko sa kanya nung magisa nalang kami.

"Nasaan 'yung kilala kong Viktoria?" He chuckled and pulled me closer. "Alam mo ganon lang talaga si Papa. But if I'm at your place baka maparanoid rin ako pero masasanay ka rin."

"You think so?"

"I think next time you should bring cakes or hopia. Maybe that will make him smile." He said while laughing at me.

"Nakakatawa ka na niyan? You're not funny." Inirapan ko siya for attempting a joke.

"I am funny." He said firmly and got up to get the remote.

Inabot niya 'yun sa akin at pinapili ako ng gusto kong panoorin na movie para mawala ang iniisip ko.

Tinignan ko siya at inisip kung dapat ko bang sabihin ngayon o sa ibang araw nalang. Hurting someone makes me feel like a really bad person at hindi ko pa ginagawa ay nagiguilty na agad ako so I don't know how other people do it.

I'm mean but this is a whole other level of being mean.

Kalagitnaan ng movie ay pinahiga niya ako sa lap niya. Nakatingin ako sa screen but my mind is somewhere else.

Okay. I've decided! After this movie I'm going to tell him. No more sugar coating but I'll just tell him. Mas okay 'yun habang kakasimula pa lang namin.

I may hurt him but he'll move on.

When the credits started rolling I closed my eyes and counted.

I can do this. I can do--

"I think I'm in love with you." He said it so softly.

So softly but I heard it.

Biglang umurong ang dila ko sa narinig. Hindi ako dumilat at minabuting isipin niyang tulog ako.

He caressed my face and my will to fake sleep just grew stronger.

Ready na akong sabihin sa kanya pero ngayong sinabi niya iyon biglang nagbago ang isip ko. How can I do that to him when since we've met all he's ever done was be nice to me.

Kahit na hindi pa kami close ay pinrotektahan niya ako kay Sebastian. He was there when I needed comfort and he was there all the time for me.

Palaging ako ang iniitindi niya and I couldn't forget his face when I told him that we try this. So how can I take away that happiness from him? Will I be able to forget his face now if I told him how I really felt?

No, now is not a good time. Not yet.

Ang dami kong scenarios na inimagine kung paano ko sasabihin at kung anong mangngyari once those words were out of my mouth but this is definitely not one of them. Hindi ko inexpect na sasabihin niya iyon sa akin.

At least not this fast. If there's one thing I regretted doing it's this. Ayaw kong saktan si David but I guess the harm's already been done the moment I asked him of this.

So in the end I didn't say it. I just know I couldn't lose him too. Gusto kong magpakaselfish sa pagkakataong ito. I believe that I could learn to love him. I just need time. No one's breaking up and no one's getting hurt.

I pretended I didn't hear him and stayed like that until I really fell asleep. Nahiya pa ako dahil nakatulog ako at hinayaan niya ako sa ganon posisyon. I bet nangalay siya pero hindi nalang nagreklamo.

"Sabi ni Mama punta ka ulit sa bahay next week. Dinner naman." Sabi niya pagkahatid niya sa akin.

"Alam ko hindi niya 'yun sinabi." I puckered my lips and crunched my nose.

"Paano mo nasabi? Basta dinner next week. Just don't forget to bring a cake." Tumawa siya.

I made a face to prove my point again.

He squeezed both my cheeks with his hands and kiss me. "If you make a face like that it makes me want to kiss you so sige lang, gumanyan ka pa."

"Noted. Note to self: not to make that face again." I retort.

"Actually it doesn't matter what face you make." He smiled coyly.

"Umuwi ka na nga." Kinuha ko ang bag ko at bumaba ng sasakyan.

"I love you." He said.

I heard it but I ignored it. I just smiled at him through the window and waved before turning.

He said it two times already and if I got away today, tomorrow would not be that easy anymore. I need to think of a way to say it where it will not hurt that pain.