My Hell

Tuesday, June 27

Hey...

Today was my older sister's b-day....But I forgot, I'm a terrible person. Its now too late to call her and say happy birthday cause she's at my mom's mom's house. I gotta make it up to her somehow. 

Anyways...today was fairly simple. Still the one thing remains:

Larry is still an insensitive prick and a selfish cunt. 

I still love Rose. I forgave her even after she lied to me about everything except the compliments she says. Good or bad choice, I don't know. 

Steven and I have been talking. Rose made me cry for 2.5 hours yesterday, Steven was therefor me through all of them. Steven doesn't think I should give Rose another chance. Steven and I...I'm not sure where we stand. Last I checked we were on rocky waters, but apparently not. I think apart of me still cares for him. His mystery, his hard-to-reach core, his uniqueness. I don't know...I guess you could say there is some sort of flavor to him, something a little addictive. Its like he has a hard outer core, a soft but hard to reach inner core. I wouldn't say I'd date him again, I would just try to figure him out a bit. 

Me and Taco hung out at the park today. Which is a big deal. Reasons are:

-My mom let me walk there

-My mom has never met Taco

-My mom let me be there by myself with Taco

-Taco is freaking amazing. 

Taco is totally and completely amazing. He's chill and sweet. I've known him for 2 years. He knows of my love of bears and gummy bears. He sometimes surprises me with a bag. He has told me in the past that he loves me. I don't completely know how I feel about him, but he's awesome af. And you can tell that he cares from the way he hugs you, and the way he talks or lets you spill out your guts to him. He's funny and a little quiet. However he is an awesome friend at the moment, and I hope he continues to be awesome. I feel like he kinda gets it. 

Next person I should mention, you have never heard me talk about him before, his name shall be Blarg. Blarg is also amazing. Blarg is open and kind and a nice guy. But...He feels like he is invisible to me. I swear he is not. The only problem is I can't decide what Blarg is to me. A friend? A love interest? An acquaintance? He likes cheering me up, and I can appreciate that. He also likes me. I know right? What is wrong with me? He went away for a month but still woke up at like 4 am to tell me about his trip. He went to the Philippines, and documented everything to me, yet I haven't really given this a second glance. I'm sorry. Your amazing Blarg, just like your name. I'm just worried about other things. 

Dear gosh, I forgot sometime I have to do my summer reading! Fuck! Don't worry...I'll remember...hopefully. 

Welp goodnight,

-Calli <3 <3

P.S. War was weird af today.