My Hell

Thursday, June 8th (National Best Friend Day, By the way)

Hey, sorry I didn't get to write yesterday. I'm actually really busy this week and I might not be able to blog again til next Monday. I've been helping set up the Big Greek Festival. I don't remember much from yesterday, (I have short term memory loss). 

What I do remember from yesterday:

-My friend taking pills to try to kill herself with

-Someone I once loved, telling me they didn't love me anymore

-A good friend named Leo helped me with a history final exam packet til 1 am that happens to be due next wensday

-I remember being called an insensitive bitch even though all I do is feel, in fact, most people would say I'm oversensitive. Its because I'm an empath so I feel everything on a personal level.

But as for today...Today was rough, it felt like a literal battle, I felt like I was naked in a war. In the middle of an open field. I felt like I was being slaughtered over and over. There was a legitimate moment today when I have experienced feeling the weakest I have ever felt. But I will start from the beginning of the day:

Block 1, English: I found out my book talk video is due tomorrow. 

Block 2, History: Found out the packet is actually due next Wednesday.

Block 3A, Lunch: Posted somethings to my snapchat, basically pics of my bffs for National Best Friends day.

Block 3B, VIP: Went to the Choir room to hang with one of my bffs. 

Block 3CD, Mass Media: The teacher played our Music Video Project (Hit the Road Jack), and reviewed for the final. She also showed us a video of Heart Attack Grill. 

Block 4, Gym: We went to the weight room, I hung out with my guy friends, (I only have friends that are guys in my gym class). Then we went outside to play soft ball. 

So school was ok. 

Then...The madness came when I got home...:

-My therapist came while My older sister's therapist and my younger sister's therapist were here.

-They all left me and my therapist home alone and went to get burritos and  see their psychiatrist. 

-My mom called me and I did a favor for her

-I got a call from my friends, they wanted me to meet them at the library, but I couldn't go cause I was home alone.

-My family came back with a burrito for me, forgot to tell me they did.

-I went to eat the burrito, it fell on the ground, R.I.P. My burrito 

-Tried to eat a spicy burrito instead,  I failed

-Ate the first burrito off the floor, but cried because my mom started yelling at me

-My mom started yelling at me and I lost my grasp of what was going on. My vocal cords stopped working right and all I could do was whisper, "Stop. Stop yelling at me." And I backed up and she took a step forward, she kept yelling, and got louder and her face said it all. I felt like I was being stabbed, my vision blurred, I felt like a caged animal, my voice became a whisper, I almost fell to the ground, I almost sat down in the corner and pulled my knees to my chest and put my head down, I literally lost my entire grasp on what was happening... Then while still yelling and after she was yelling she said, "Now come over here and give me a hug!" So I whispered, "No." and there was like a burning fire inside her eyes. I have never felt so vulnerable in front of mom, I thought she might hurt me. 

-Then my dad got me out of there (The only good thing that came out of this)

-My dad I went to set up more of The Greek festival

Well, that was basically my day, and I'm tired, so good night peeps,

-Calli <3