My Hell

March 21, 2018 (Wednesday)

What's up fuckers? I'm alive. *smirk* 

I'm back. I know I have written in awhile that is because my laptop broke. In the time that I haven't written. I got dumped. But that motherfucker who I loved so very much. He broke my heart. I don't love him anymore, I hate him. I made a deal with Tina. I would friendzone Blarg forever if she kept Martin blocked. She said she would flirt with him until they dated if I didn't. So I did. Because I trusted Martin with things I never want other people to know. So I'm sorry to Blarg. But he will be a thing for me again. In that time I also told Steven I would never talk to him again, is that true? Probably not. 

I figured something out, I'm usually a lot stronger when I am single. Right now I feel extremely powerful. I don't love Martin anymore, I hate him with a burning passion. Yesterday I threw shade at him. In 2 servers, cause he blocked me. His username was "Change me", so I pinged him and said, "I'm sorry to tell you this but you can't grow roses in bullshit." 

I didn't end up talking to Larry, I decided it wasn't worth it. 

Right now, in this moment, I have the strength of the world carrying me. I think its because I'm blogging again. I'm not using my laptop, its still not working cause my parents take forever to fix things and get me a damn phone case. I'm using my school laptop. A bunch of you, mostly my friends, keep begging me to write so here I am. I'm strong. I don't want anyone's bullshit. 

I noticed I tend to skip around when I talk. Sorry. 

My grandma is getting surgery next monday. Pray for her. 

My Hell has reached 2K reads! Thank you guys so much! I will still be answering questions that any of you guys have in the comments. 

Martin has a control on me I don't want him to have. I'm mad I didn't dump him first. I should of. The dumb ass almost killed me. 

I'm not a stereotypical girl. I'm not sitting her planning revenge. I'm not crying, I didn't cry when he dumped me. Instead my emotions went off. They stayed off for 4 days. I never cried. It just happened. I moved on from it without shedding a tear. Yes, he broke my heart over and over. But I feel like it needed to happen. When we were dating he kept breaking my heart. So by the time he was going to take the final swing, I was ready. 

Hmm....lets see, what else? 

Oh yes, I can't wait til next summer. Every time I think of it, it brings a warmth to my chest. I love the summer. Its so warm and the air is amazing. Plus all that greennnnn. I fucking love the color green. Plus I have a plan for next summer. I know exactly what I want to do. I'm going to make next summer fucking amazing. I'm probably going to create another list as well. I can't say how much I love summer. When I think of summer, it brings the smallest but very real bit of happiness into my mind. Its fucking perfect. The soft warm breezes that tickle your neck. The bright green leaves and dew covered grass. The warm pools and beaches. The taste of salt you get from the ocean waves, bitter-sweet. The crazy things you do. Its like the saying, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." That for me is like what happens in summer stays in summer. Omg when summer comes I'm going to try to go on a run everyday and I'm going to try to get a beach pass for the lake at our local park. I'm going to attempt to get a summer job so I can make some cash. I'm going to try to go skinny dipping. Maybe I will experience my first kiss. I might also try to sneak out and run across the highway early in the morning, maybe 1 am, and just go to the park to look up at the stars, I don't know if I'd try to meet anyone, maybe just go there for fun. Maybe I will get a summer fling. 

I'm so tired of these damn snow storms. We are out of snow days so now we have 5 extra school days in our summer ;-;

Bullshit snow. I hate snow. Who wants to go to school in the summer? I just want to be outside in the warmth of summer not stuck in school. Tf with the snow. Melt it all. WE DO NOT NEED ANYMORE SNOW!! 

I have this one friend, I've grown really close to her. She's like the perfect fit to me. I'm glad she has my back. I would do anything for her. She's gotten me out of my comfort zone. I'm thankful for her.

People have said I've been different. Not acting like myself. Its ok. I personally think its a good change. People don't think it is, well some of them. Nikki thinks that says it depends how I take it. I've noticed it a little bit. I'm a little more out there. I can see it. I'm out there and more friendly. But i'm also more blunt. I tell things even more like they are then ever before. I don't see it as a bad thing. I love being able to say whatever the fuck I want. 

FUCK THE WORLD! I DO WHAT I WANT! 

I feel like even you guys will see the change. I'm trying to be who I want, but in order to fully embrace that i'd have to move out of my parents house. I won't be able to do that for a few more years so this has to be good enough for now.

Anyways, Imma go now, byeeeee!

I'll write more again soon. 

~Calli <3