My Hell

Wednesday, October 11

Ok....Breathe...I need to breathe. 

I need to rant, so here goes nothing. My life is a pile of shit. I have dreams that will never be lifted off the ground, people who laugh at me. My parents who think I'm not trying to get good grades. There are people who think I need someone, a bf or a therapist. I don't need anyone. I'm perfectly fine on my own. I can do it. 

There are tests that stress me out, like B day Spanish test. During the last Spanish class, I was supposed to take a test. My IEP said I could have word banks, I guess my Spanish teacher didn't know that. Well, I started having a panic attack. Literally, in class. During the test. And people were talking. And sharing answers while the teacher tested kids outside the class for speaking. I sobbed.

 I took the PSATs today, they sucked. Then I took another test, that sucked too. I had a bad lunch. 

I don't fucking need anyone, I don't fucking want anyone, yet my mind still screams: Help me! Save me! Protect me! 

I hate everyone and everything. There are no exceptions. Everything hurts. I just want to die. 

My lil sis lunged at me with a knife yesterday and got away with it. Nothing really matters to me anymore. 

I used to not be able to see a tomorrow in my mind, now I can't even see a few hours later.

I'm barely holding on and all people like Larry can do is throw back their heads and laugh. I'm still there for my friends, but most aren't there for me. 

I hate everything. I don't know what to do anymore. Save me...Please...Hear my silent scream...

~Calli </3