Sex addict + Luh

T h i r t y - f i v e

|ariana|

    2 weeks.

    Derek had been in a coma for 2 weeks. The doctor told me that if he didnt week up last week he was never going to wake up. I stare at Derek as he just laid in his bed 'sleeping'.

    The doctors told me that it had been a miracle that he didn't go into organ failure yet. They say that he was fighting to stay alive.

    He's fighting for his life but also for me.

    I don't want to live in a world where I can't be by derek's side. I love him and that was never going to change no matter what bullshit is thrown out way.

It was Saturday, 9:37 am.

    "oh fuck." I say as I gag. I rush to the bathroom hurriedly vomiting my guts out into the toilet.

    That ravioli dinner yesterday did not make friends with my stomach.

    I get up from the floor and whip the little remain of vomit around my mouth with my back hand.

    I hear my phone ring and I run back to the room and pick up. "Hello."

    "How's he doing?" Ava asks.

    "The same. Why can't he just wake up?"

    "I have no idea. I'm gonna stop by Nates to get some stuff I left there. The hospital is closer so Ive been crashing there.. plus the house seems so empty without Derek."

"You sure? I could stay with you at your house I know how you feel about being there with Gilinsky.." I say worriedly.

"He's always with Madison it's hard.. and He's still mad at Nate so there's some tension but it's okay. I'll be okay."

"Okay, see you here."

I hang up the phone and place it down on the table.

Nate.

    I hadn't talk to him since that night.

I saw him each time he came to visit Derek but so couldn't make out the words I needed to talk to him.

It angered me that he visited Derek. Could he still call Derek his bestfriend after what he did, betraying Derek but I stopped myself from feeling that way.

Because if that were the case I shouldn't be visiting him either. Every time I saw Nate a wave of rage just washed over me like a storm.

    And speaking of the devil he walked through the door. The rage all coming back to me but I contained my anger inside and stayed as emotionless as possible. My mouth parted open. "What are you doing here?" I question clearing my throat.

    "The same as you." He said staring at me blankly.

"I thought you were recording?"

"Well I'm not and I'm here so just-" he paused and stared into my eyes. "okay?"

    "Nate pl-"

    Nate stared at Derek before gripping my wrist forcefully pulling me outside of the room.

    "Ariana please don't. We fucked that's all that was, don't make it more then it is." He tells me chuckling with annoyance.

    "Nate I'm sorry." I said as I felt a part of me break.. I don't know why it hurt so much to hear him say that it was nothing but it hurt like hell.

    "Shut up Ariana just shut up."

    I followed orders and went back into Derek's room. I sit back onto my seat and hold onto Derek's hand.

    Nate scuffed at the sight.

    "What the fuck is your problem?" I yell.

    "Because Ariana. You felt good. and i'm not guilty about us. And I should be considering Derek's state. But I don't, and i'm also just upset that you told me you over Derek when clearly you aren't."

    "Nate.." I say lowly.

    "Don't Ariana." He says.

    Nates words nailed its way into my head.

    "I don't regret it." I say honestly. "I thought I did because I felt so bad when I heard about Derek, but it isn't guilt from what we did.. It's guilt in what happened with derek, Our fight if i could've just stayed longer heard him out none of this would've happened. What happened can't be the last time I talk to him. IT JUST CANT." I brush into tears and sit on the floor.

    "HE NEEDS TO WAKE UP." I scream at Nate.

    "shh It's okay." Nate says stroking my back. "Your gonna be okay, Derek's gonna be okay,"

"you don't know that. Listen I'm going to grab food.. you want?"

God, food was the last thing I wanted. What I wanted was for Derek to wake up. What I wanted to be able to go back into past and change things.

I wanted for god to give this one thing.

"Nah, I haven't been hungry lately.. all i can think about is derek."