Not Enough (Scömìche)

CH 25

Mitch knows what this is. He's never felt it before, but as soon as he did he just knew. He's been waiting, though, telling himself it wasn't true hoping he could calm his nerves but he didn't manage either - believing his own lies or calm down. He's been doubting it sometimes, thinking it was just crazy hormones, but now that he's so close to Scott he just knows the truth. And it feels good to know. Relieving. A weight has been lifted off of his shoulders.

"Scotty?" Mitch asks, his confidence suddenly completely gone and he doesn't know what to say. His palms are sweaty, his heart is racing. Scott just looks at him, worried.

"Are you okay? Do you need something? You look pale-"

"No, I'm fine," Mitch interrupts. "Really, I- I just need to tell you something..."

Scott seems to relax a bit and sits back on his bed. They've just been hanging out, talking about stupid stuff and laughing, trying to forget the shit that happened today. Mitch now can't deny the butterflies that storm through his body whenever he hears Scott's laugh, or sees his smile, or looks into his eyes. It's all too much.

He's done it before, he's said these three words but now he realizes it could ruin what they have. But Mitch has never been in a situation like that before, so he doesn't know a better option. Scott has been asleep last time, but this time...

"What's the matter?" Scott asks, pulling Mitch out of his thoughts.

"I... I don't know how to say it..." Great. Good job, Mitch, you just fucked it all up.

"Just say it. I won't judge you," Scott promises. Well, if that only was so easy.

"I..." Mitch takes a deep breath. For a moment he wants to chicken out and say something stupid like I like your hair, not that it isn't true, but... You get the idea. That's not what Mitch wants to say. "I like you..." He whispers, not sure if Scott heard but judging by the panicky look on his face he did. "Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, it's just been on my mind lately and I've never experienced that and I really don't know how to deal with it..." he rambles. Scott slowly shakes his head. He's torn, he doesn't know how to react. Mitch surely is hot, but- is it okay to say he likes him back just because he's hot? No...

"I'm- wow, I feel flattered..." Scott begins, not knowing where he's going with it.

"But you don't like me, got it." Mitch mutters sadly. At least it was said now.

"That's- Mitchy, I like you a lot. But... as a best friend. You look good, really good, don't get me wrong, but... I don't want you to get your hopes up just to be hurt later."

Maybe it is because he's scared. Because Scott is scared, terrified even. He's never been in a relationship before, it all seems too good to be true, high school sweetheart Mitch Grassi likes him? Him?! But still, to Scott, Mitch is his roommate, best friend (who he has a nude of and nope he's not going to delete it because damn this boy is hot), and he would feel terrible for promising him something he can't keep.

"No, it- it's alright. It's okay, Scotty. I'm sorry, I just- I wanted you to know..."

"I'm sorry, I- I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You can't make your heart feel something it won't."

You can see it in Mitch's face, the disappointment, and Scott feels terrible for it. But he had to do it. Otherwise, none of them would be happy. Mitch would be heartbroken and Scott would be living a lie. He just can't do that to his friend.

"I- I guess I'll just go downstairs for a bit," Mitch says after a while, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, okay..."

Mitch leaves, and Scott is alone with his thoughts. Did he just fuck everything up? But this was still the best option. He couldn't have said yes.

***

A couple of hours later, Scott finally ventures to go downstairs. He doesn't know if Mitch is ready to face him or wants to see him at all, but he really likes Mitch... He'd be devastated if he just lost a friend. So he wants to do anything in his power to make him stay.

"Mitchy..?" He whispers softly. Mitch is sat on the couch, watching an anime on TV. He's wrapped up in blankets, looking like a cute little baby burrito. Scott wants to cuddle him.

"Hm?" He doesn't turn around, and that's when Scott knows he must be really upset.

"I just wanted to... Spend some time with you. If you want to."

"Oh... I mean... Yeah." He turns the TV off, turning around to finally look at Scott. His face is red - it looks like he's been crying, which is shocking for Scott to see. He would've never thought he would see Mitch cry. But what hurts him the most is that it was his fault. He could've prevented it, he caused it. And his heart almost breaks as much as Mitch's at that thought. "What do you wanna do?"

He fakes a smile but Scott can see right through him and it hurts him. But he decides not to address that.

"Wanna go out to Ben's Diner? They have amazing burgers and milkshakes..."

Mitch thinks about it. He really considers it, but after the humiliation at school and then his rejection from Scott... If he saw one of his friends he doesn't know how he could handle that.

"I- I don't know" he says weakly.

"Do you want me to order something to take home from the diner?"

Mitch's stomach churns at the thought of getting actual food. Again, he shakes his head hesitantly.

"I- I don't know."

Scott sighs. "Is there anything I can do to make it better?"

"Not really." Mitch shakes his head once more. "There's nothing you did wrong, and I'm fine. I really am. It's okay." Another fake smile. "Just- just a rough day."

"Do you wanna hang out with Luke, maybe? Isn't he like, your best friend?"

Mitch snorts. "Best friend? My ass. If you consider a homophobic fuck your best friend, then sure."

"He's homophobic?" Scott frowns. "I didn't know that.

"Well... He said he can't get used to me-" He remembers that Scott doesn't even know. Scott doesn't know he's gay, he still thinks he's bi... "He said he can't get used to me being gay", he repeats though, his voice slightly shaky. "When I came out to him as bi he said he could handle it because I could still date girls and he could pretend it never happened but... Ever since I started talking about boys he's been weird."

"Aw, Mitchy..." Scott sits down on the couch, wrapping the baby burrito in a tight hug. "I'm sorry. He doesn't know what he's missing out on."

This makes Mitch smile a bit. "Thank you." His smile falls again, though. "Do you really enjoy my presence? You know, if you want me to leave you just have to-"

"Mitch, don't worry about that. You're not getting rid of me that easily, of course I enjoy your presence. You're my best friend."

"What about Kirst?"

"I'm allowed to have two best friends, right?"

Mitch relaxes into the touch. "Of course you do." If he weren't restrained by the blankets he would hug Scott back as tightly as he could but he can barely move his arms. So for now, he's just being lovingly squeezed by the tall blonde.

"I'm sorry, Mitchy..." He whispers after a moment of silence. "Can we just go on as best friends? I don't wanna lose you. You mean so much to me..."

There's this lump in Mitch's throat again, and he feels like he's going to cry. But he forces himself not to. Not again. "Y-yeah. Of course."