Not Enough (Scömìche)

CH 31

"So what is it?" Mitch asks as soon as they finally arrive home after their platonic dinner date.

"What is what?"

Oh, playing the oblivious card? Mitch rolls his eyes, sighing and sitting down on the couch.

"You know what I'm talking about. You said you'd tell me at home."

"No, I didn't."

"Scott..." Mitch pats the cushion next to him, motioning for Scott to sit as well. He does after a moment of hesitation. "Tell me. What's wrong? And don't give me that nothing bullshit because I know that you know that I'm not buying it."

Scott takes a deep breath and sighs, running his fingers through his hair. Mitch loves how they're a bit longer than usual, a few strands falling over his forehead.

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?" Mitch frowns, getting a bit upset with the boy.

"You- you'll get mad," Scott defends himself.

"I would never."

"You don't know what it is."

"Then tell me!"

"I can't!"

"Scotty, please. I can help you work this out. I'm your best friend, right?"

"Yeah..." Scott nods, biting his lip. "You are. That's why I don't want to... hurt you."

"You won't. Say it? If you really don't want to I'll accept it."

"I'll- okay." He takes a deep breath and exhales again. "There's this... guy..."

Oh no.

"That I think I... like. We haven't known each other for too long, I've been pretty much admiring him but since we started talking a while ago I can't get him off of my mind. I've been denying it but it only makes it worse, I'm... crushing. Hard."

Mitch feels like the air has been punched out of his lungs but at the same time his heart breaks for Scott, who's looking sadder than he ever has.

"That-" He swallows around the lump in his throat. "That's amazing, Scotty. Being in love is... great." His voice breaks at the last word but he covers it up with a cough. "Does he like you back?"

"I- I think he does?"

His heart is being torn into pieces, but he can't help but feel a little happy for Scott.

"That's great! Then you should tell him, I bet you two would be the cutest couple!"

"I- I don't know. That's so much... I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship at the moment."

"Oh... Yeah... Then... Think about it? You got all the time in the world."

"I don't think so. Soon he'll move on and find someone better and I'll be left broken."

Mitch huffs. "No one in their right mind would ever deny you."

"Yeah, sure." Scott's blue eyes find their way to Mitch's brown ones. "Easy for you to say, you're hot, literally everyone has a crush on you. Literally."

Just not the person I want to be with.

"Anyway..." Scott continues. "Now you know what's wrong, so, you told me that Luke begged you to take him back, yeah?"

"Scott, don't change the topic!"

"Please, I- I don't wanna talk about it."

Mitch wants to say something but he decides against it, instead just letting out a deep sigh.

"Okay."

"So, tell me about Luke. Why did you let him take you back?"

"I... felt bad. I felt too harsh for just cutting him out of my life like that."

"Well, he's a homophobic doucheb-"

"Don't say that about him. He's still my friend."

"Doesn't sound like a friend to me." Scott crosses his arms in front of his chest.

"Well, but he is, so you better deal with it. And he said he can get me to be able to go to parties again. That was probably... The biggest reason, to be honest."

"So... You're just his friend again so you can get drunk, do drugs and fuck?"

"What? No! Of course not!" Mitch says but soon realizes how right Scott actually is. He missed it. The crowds, the feeling of floating, of being numbed by the heavy beat of the music. Kissing. Sex. He can't deny that he loves it, and he's been on the weirdest withdrawal ever since he moved in with Scott. Yes, Scott does make him a better person but sometimes he just wants to be bad. Being bad is way more fun. "Okay, maybe you're right."

"Mitchy... Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I just... Wanna live a little. Before I settle down when I'm in my mid-twenties I just want to have fun and not commit."

"So you're not... into commitment?"

Mitch shakes his head. "Not really." I would commit to you anytime, but it's just you and that's driving me insane. Cut that out. Ugh, stupid thoughts.

"Oh..."

"Yeah... Anyway, Luke is hosting a party tomorrow and he asked me to come. He also asked me to ask you..."

"Oh, um... I don't know about that-" He chuckles awkwardly, remembering the last time he got drunk. Actually... That was a pretty amazing moment in his life. Probably the most... exciting moment in his life so far. He wants to do it again... But... It would be wrong. It was wrong, but why the hell did it feel so right?

"Hm?"

Scott shakes his head, looking at Mitch, a bit dazed.

"What?"

"You zoned out for a moment. I asked if you're sure?"

"I... No, you know what? Let's go."

"Oh- uh, really?" Mitch's eyes widen. He'd already accepted that Scott wasn't coming along but this made him feel whole again. At least kind of.

Scott nods. "Sure. I wanna... try to... live a little." He blushes at the memories, secretly hoping for a recurrence of that certain event. Kissing Mitch again... Maybe- No. He's not going further than kissing. It would be wrong, and it would probably ruin their friendship for good.

"Thank you, Scotty." Mitch smiles, and it makes Scott's heart race. "It means a lot that you're coming with me."

"Of course."