melted

hide and seek is a kid's game

i want to smoke and drink invisible poison, but not really, just to use it as a disguise, let them all think i'm reckless and pass me by; the adults always scoff at the delinquents but praise the prodigies, it's messed up in that way, for i am no prodigy yet i am told lies filled with splendor whilst some of the best people i have ever known get nothing.

i hide from the women who sing sugar-drunken carols in the dining rooms of my mind, i hide from the report card that displays my mediocrity, i hide from the tests that say that i am worth more, because i am worth nothing but the nine dollars an hour i am assigned.

i want to run away from a home that i wish i had, but i am everywhere and nowhere all at once, as if my invisible noninsecurities grew doors and offered me plastic strings, i play a minor chords on the ukelele because i am a minor with a minor problem considered to be a major disappointment four years in the making.

i seek the daybreak, where the magical school bus comes to take me away, ms. frizzle-less, to my surprise, but i digress; most would rather be anywhere but here yet i revel in a newfound security, for i mean something in this place where there are no sleepy kittens to distract me besides the one in my head, i mean something to these people, i am not even my story which is the most beautiful thing.

i want to live a good life, but i am selfish and give up too easily, i dream of soundstages and bluer-than-blue blues but i am too scared to audition for the chance, i wish for my brother to return but i am too scared to tell him that i miss him; my horoscope should have been a libra, yet things never seem to work out the way they should be predestined to be.

i play hide and seek with myself,

and i definitely hide better than i seek.