a sinner's handbook

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chapter one:
don't.

remind people that you deserve love
get jealous over unintentional intentions
wish that it could be you
forget about your mistakes
blame others for your problems
create a world where you are the hero
make yourself into a victim
hold onto just the words you want to hear
remember only what you can use against them
choose what hurts everyone else
dream of what you can accomplish
believe the lies that everyone tells you
disregard the facts even when they hurt
tell them that you can't deal with everything
think that you're worth it

it's a sin.
it's human.

chapter two:
always.

remind people that they deserve love
get excited for others even when you're tired
wish for others to succeed instead of yourself
forget about everyone else's mistakes
blame yourself for everything
create a world that is only on your shoulders
make yourself into the villain
hold onto the humbling words instead
remember only what is used against you
choose what helps everyone else
dream of what you can lose
believe the lies that you tell yourself
disregard the facts even when they help
tell them that you're fine
think that you're not worthy

it's the only way.
it hurts to live this way.

chapter three
smile.

even when it hurts.
it's not worth-

her head falls on the desk
the book falls on the floor
shutting down
slamming closed
slashing open
which, the book or the girl?

"i'm a sinner,"
she cries, tears
salting the karpas
saying she hasn't suffered enough
so they call her a crocodile
splattering green across her face
staining the white carpet
sulfurous glares as she falls again
suffering pitifully
savoring her sinful self

the book lands on the floor, open.

chapter five:
admit it.

"i'm a sinner."
"i'm human."

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