melted

education through prayer

i am terrified, our g-d

who brought forth fruit from the vine

that i shall fall into the enticing forbidden

fruit someday,

whether it is of literal meaning

or hidden within the shadows

but i am terrified, you see

of faith and of freedom

of family and friendship

among other things,

i am not afraid of your creations

but of what has driven them to move,

to live, to see, to breathe,

to fight, to speak, to kiss

under their last breaths, an oath

spread throughout mankind

an "i love you" could suffice

but there are so many more words

clambering out of irrelevancy

and i am terrified of it all

i am terrified of myself

for above all, i have proven

time and time again

that i am human

and not without flaw,

i am terrified of failure

and in turn of success,

i am terrified of heartbreak

and therefore also of love,

i am terrified of dying

but even more so of living

i am terrified of oblivion

and of obliviousness,

yet understanding it all

seems most devastating indeed

and i am utterly terrified, you see

of nothing

for nothing is a lack of everything

that i am scared of

and with that deficit

where i stand is no longer imminent

i am terrified, our g-d

of whom we pray and seek

that i will pray with doubt-shadows

for i am more religious than i remember

and yet it feels so unnatural

i am terrified of you

and of all that surrounds you,

but i keep going

and keep running and fighting

and loving and breaking

and laughing and suffering

and watching as the pictures

flood the screen with grays

and in this moment,

i suppose i am not terrified

but perhaps i never was.