melted

a scientist subjected

that grin, that grin, that grin.
that glimmer of a smirk, you see, it brings me peace. it brings me to my knees. it brings joy and fear and excitement. me, the recipient of all three. he, the perpetrator.
i have been observing him for some time now. a beast of my own burden. he seems invisible and invincible in separate breaths, back to back, duplicity. he invokes feelings in me i can't describe well enough to jot down in my findings.
the wintry wind whips against my hands as they shiver. his hair a mess, he takes my heart with his. i feel myself warm to the cold facts he presents. science is strict and structured, but i hope to melt his chains and form golden rings instead. i took him from that place in order to observe him in the real world, but he scans me as if i am the experiment. in his eyes, i suppose, i must be just that. enigmatic and energetic, full of life and love.
perhaps, i joke, i'm in love. it feels like a medical student self-diagnosis. you read too much about it to the point where you start to show the symptoms. sometimes, when the world gets tough, i console myself by imagining one with him. hunger absolved, sleep unnecessary. the signs are significant, and i am not as oblivious as he. a scholar of love i stand, with a chip on my shoulder for the science that he stands on, that he stands with in solidarity.
in my notes, i muse over a phrase somewhere between "i like you" and "i love you". one that won't revert all my progress. i research how to compliment, how to make advancements. how to hold a hand. how to kiss away fear by just kissing him. he does not see how scared i am, how little i know, for i refuse to show it. he who wanders in my heart, he who appears in the dreams neither of us have, is blind to the notes i take.
he says he is a man of science with a soft spot for love. i write it down, hopeful.