melted

it's not what's keeping me alive

i'm not relying on you
i can do it on my own, haven't you heard?
the accolades i never accumulated
the friendship i never forgot
they're invisible, i have nothing to give you

(people in this modern reformation, we are less martin luther, less martin luther king, more confused. what do they rally for in the streets? why do they have tears running down their faces? who is the person telling them to scatter as the fire rains down from the heavens? when will we learn to be self-sufficient by ourselves? i have grown frustrated with the standard temperature and pressure, i deviate from the norm by a degree and get thrown to the couch, i am not sick, only sick in the head, mess up my hair and jumble my thoughts, it's all static in there anyway. i've been taking after static cling lately, reliant on what i thought i had, it's warped from symbiosis to something new, it's all my fault. the friends i thought i knew, the ones i've held my hands out for, to a keyboard, to their shoulders, where are they now? who are they really? when will it stop? what am i waiting for? why am i shredding myself over a grater of unknown faces? i've been dropping from a's, they're dropping like bees, someone calls you honey and it doesn't feel quite right, this is life, my wordplay only goes so far, it doesn't reach deep into my pants pockets like i wish it did. i hope to someday pull out a gem after decades of searching in my pockets, trying every locked door without a key, caring for what doesn't physically exist, i keep dreaming but spaces are always vacant. cerrada, cansada, casada, will that be it?)

i've told you before
being here, being there, it's not keeping me alive
interpret those words with all your ability
each and every explanation
will never be quite correct.