What We Never Knew We Needed

Chapter 27

"Okay, Lily Bean." Meryl said holding her granddaughter on the couch while looking at her iPad. "While Gramps is making lunch, us girls are going to do some internet shopping." Meryl looked down at her granddaughter. "I can see you're thrilled. Grams needs your help in finding some clothes for your little niece or nephew. Gramps is convinced it's a girl, but I know it's a boy. You know it too, don't you." Meryl cooed as her granddaughter started to talk to her; in her own way. "So, we need to see what clothes we can find. Are you up for the challenge, Lily Bean?"

***

Don had just finished fixing lunch and brought the swing in the kitchen to put Lily in so his wife would eat. He knew she was reluctant to put Lily down, but they both needed to eat. He smiled softly as he walked in on the scene in front of him. His wife baby clothes shopping online with their granddaughter. He loved listening to her talking to their granddaughter. He loved seeing the joy on her face, that radiated through her entire body, whenever she was in Grandma mode. He knew she was worried about what kind of mother she would be with their miracle baby at this stage and age in their lives; however, there was no doubt in his mind that she would be a fabulous one. She always told him that she felt wired to be a wife and mother, to have a family; there was never a doubt in his mind and he was so glad that he got to be the one she shared in the journey with. He decided to stand there undetected for awhile; as he watched the scene in front of him unfold. 

"Now, we better get the footy one pieces; those baby feet never keep socks on." Meryl laughed as she looked down and noticed Lily's fell off somewhere. She threw a baby blanket over Lily's feet. "You just proved my point. What do you think of this yellow outfit?" Meryl asked her granddaughter who scrunched up her face and started to fuss; so Meryl bounced her a little bit. "Yeah, Grams isn't too crazy about the yellow either. How about these ivory and teal outfits? The koalas and pandas?" She laughed at Lily's happy expression. "Yeah, I like them too. You are a great shopping partner for Grams, Miss. Lily." Meryl thought she heard her husband's chuckle and sure enough she saw him standing in the doorway, deep in thought despite the chuckle. "A penny for your thoughts, handsome."

Don smiled as he went to join grandmother and granddaughter on the sofa. He leaned forward to kiss his granddaughter; and then he placed a long kiss in his wife's lips. "You are such a wonderful grandmother, and mother; I can't wait to see you do it all over again with our little miracle baby."

"Don." Meryl erupted in tears all of a sudden.

Her reaction surprised Don; and Lily who was squirming in her grandmother's arms. She had seemed fine just a few second before; and now she had erupted in tears. "Here, I'll take her."

"I didn't mean to upset her." Meryl then cried harder. "I'm so sorry about these fucking hormones, Don Man." 

Don shook his head as he sat Lily in the bouncy seat and she immediately went to sleep; so he was able to kneel down in front of his wife. "She's fine. What is it, Darl? What's wrong?"

"I may not be here to see our baby." Meryl cried. "To hold him. To nurse him. To see him look like you."

Don sighed; this was the last thing he wanted her to think about. "Baby..."

"Don, it's true; we both know it's true." Meryl cried. "I want to be around to raise this baby together. I want to lay in bed with you while I nurse. I want us to fight over who will comfort and take care of the baby; just like we did when Hen was the only one we had. I don't want to leave you, I don't want to leave the baby or Lily or the other kids. I'm not ready, Don."

Don got up on the couch and took her in his arms. "You aren't ready because it is NOT your time. Baby, we're not going to let anything happen. I CAN'T let anything happen."