My Messed Up Life

Girl Talk

I wake up to my jacket on the floor, and my pullovers sleeves rolled up. I go to go back to sleep and then I realize something. I sit straight up so quick, and whack my head on the bunk, and fall back rolling onto the floor.

FUCK! that hurt!!

I get up and check my jacket sleeves. FUCK! my wrists bled through the shirt and onto my jacket. I put my jacket in the back with the rest of my clothes and hope no one will see it, if they haven't already.

how the hell did my jacket end up on the floor and my sleeves rolled up? I didn't do it.

I walk into the kitchen and see Brian crying.

"BRIAN! what the hell is wrong?" I asked

"YOU", he yelled "y-y-you fucking c-cut yourself but w-why?"

I can't hold it anymore I started to sob. AGAIN. "I-I I just can't take these terrible memories anymore, and I'm get attached easily. Every time I'm attached to someone they leave. I've lost so many people and I don't want to lose you or Stephen, I just, I can't"

"You won't lose us" he said trying to comfort me.

"BUT I AM, I'm going to lose you both because I kissed you that night and the next day Stephen kissed me then went to walk away because he thought I hated it so I pulled him back in so he wouldn't leave and then when I was on the PTV bus Vic and I tripped and he fell on me so I kissed him" I said quickly covering my mouth with my hands. Shit! I wasn't supposed to tell him about Vic.

"Wait, you kissed Stephen twice, the day after we did and then just the other day you go and kiss Vic? What the hell is wrong with you? I love you and before I can express it fully you go kissing other guys" his eyes widened.

"Y-y-you love me?" I asked confirming it.

"Yes I do" he said and looked down.

"Calm down ok, I'm just confused and I'm only 15, I mean its not like we fucked and then I fucked two other guys after" I said trying to make the situation better.

"That's true but I just, I don't think I can deal with the girl I love kissing other guys"

ugh now what the fuck do I do? he loves me but I don't know if I do. I think I do, but I don't know.

I have to leave, just get out of here.  as many times as I've left I might as well just move onto a different bus.

I texted Jack. I probably should've texted Alex. they both care but Alex a how's it more and Jack flirts a lot.

Me: Hey Jack um can I, maybe stay on your bus for a while?

Jack: Of course babe.

Well that wasn't so bad

I grabbed all my things. Damn it, I didn't think about my cuts. Ill just rewrap them and keep putting on long sleeved black pullovers. Fuck it'll be hot.

I begin to walk over to the ATL bus and I see Danae. She's making out with someone. Wait is Oli with her? Awww,  they're so cute together.

I start walking kinda close and they see me.

"Hey Sierra how are you?" Danae asks in a weird way.

"I'm good and if you want me to keep this from Tony, then I will" I said and smiled.

"OMG yes thank you so much, he would kill Oli and I" she said jumping up and down and hugged me.

"Thanks a lot" Oli simply said and smiled.

"well I have to go, but you guys are really cute" I smiled and went to walk away. But Danae grabbed me and kissed my cheek before I left.

I saw Andy, I know he's there for me so I went to talk to him.