My Messed Up Life

Someone Understands

I was walking to the TSS bus, I haven't talked to them, or seen them in a while. The closest I've gotten to them and to talking to them since everything happened is when we perform. But Jess is like my sister and I miss talking to her. I knocked on the door and my blonde friend Josh answered.

He attacked me in a hug almost causing us to fall over onto the ground. "OH MAH GOD SIERRA, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN LIKE, FOREVERRRRR"

"I know Josh, I miss you too, I miss all 5 of you, now CAN YOU GET THE FUCK OFF OF MEEEE!?" I started to laugh at how childish we are. then John came to the door.

"Hey Sierra, how are you, haven't talked to you in a long time. And well I don't want to be nice and do a good thing for my brother, but he really misses you, he beats himself up for being an ass and stressing you out and so does Brian, they both argue everytime they see each other, and honestly I don't like it too much" he sighed and Josh chimed in. "Yeah, it hurts me too. And Jess crys every night, she seems tough, but she is really sensitive on the inside and she hates seeing her two bestfriends fight and then her 'sister' always being with other bands because of the fighting and kinda being the reason. This whole situation has been hard on all 4 of you"

"I know, but guys you don't know how fucked up I've made things, I keep screwing up everywhere and with everyone, I can't even see Jess, Stephen, Brian, Vic, or Jack without crying. And it's hard seeing Alan, Tony and Alex because of the whole thing with them and my bestfriend that I got pulled  into. I just, I have nowhere to go without screwing up, everywhere I go I get feelings for someone and they do too and then we act on it and then they find out I'm confused and about the others and just. I'm sorry I came by I just wanted to visit since I haven't talked to any of you in a while and it was a mistake coming by I'll just leave" I immediately felt bad and went to leave when Stephen ran out the bus and grabbed my wrist to stop me which stung so I flinched because of my cuts, I haven't cut in a while but it takes a while to heal and they were kinda bad.

"Sierra please don't leave, I don't care about the other guys you like or what you've done with them, which I'm hoping wasn't a lot, I mean you are 15 and I don't want to explain to your parents that your 15 and pregnant, but anyway I really love you and I don't care how you feel back, I do, but I'll deal with it just tell me how you feel ... about me"

"Stephen I don't want to talk infront of my twin (my nickname and joke for Josh) and your brother, lets just go for a walk and we'll talk ok, that's why I came over here anyway" I started pulling his arm.

"Ok lets go" we began to walk and once we got a block or two away from the bus area I could finally talk.

"Ok well Stephen, I-uh-I, to be honest I think I love you I really do but it's hard because I've loved for a long time and never stopped but I began loving you before we met, when I became a fan of TSS and I don't know if the feelings I have for you are real or just me fangirling bcecause I'm actually here with you"

"Ok I understand I really do, when I was younger I was quite obsessed with people and bands, and when I met one of the singers/bandmembers that I loved, she started flirting with me and I didn't know if I really loved her or if it was just because I loved her for her music and what she's done"

"Thank you Stephen, you seem to be the only one who understands. Now I need to somehow get Brian, Vic, and Jack to understand"

"If you need help I'll help you" he smiled at me.

"Thank you, really, but I can't have you help me especially not to talk to Brian because you two used to be so close and then you started fighting because of and over me, and you can't help me talk to Vic because I kissed both of you, and I actually almost had sex with him, but the farthest we got was my shirt on the floor, then Jack. You can not help me  talk to him, no one can, he's really pissed at me because we almost had sex like really, we were drink and we were literally about to fuck and he saw my cuts so we didn't and then yesterday he saw me staring at Luke from 5SOS because they've joined us on tour and now he's just, no one can talk to him" I sighed and was about to cry. He hugged me.

"Ok I understand, if you need me I'm always here, just, be careful talking to them all, they're all sensitive"

"Thank you, and I will" I hugged him again and we returned to the bus. 

I walked up to the bus and opened the door, I walked over to the couch where Brian was and I sat down calmly. He gave me the 'What the fuck do you think you're doing' look and I sighed and began to tell him everything I told Stephen.

"Ok well I don't know how to feel about this or what to do"

"Just give me time and don't push me away, I miss being close to you all, so much, you were all-we were all close friends"