My Messed Up Life

Jess

I sit in the park, smoking my problems away for hours until about 8:00/9:00 or whatever time Jess came found me. I didn't look at my phone at all, I couldn't; I couldn't see the texts that I expect Ricky to send me saying it wasn't him, or his fault, or the other MIW guys telling me Ricky's super pissed or upset and I need to talk to him. I don't want to see all the texts about issues, or about where I am, or where I've been. I don't want to see anything about how much trouble or worry I cause people or they've caused me. I especially don't want to see hate from 'fans'.

When Jess found me she was so relieved. I could tell because she ran up to me and hugged me and almost cried. But then she realized I was smoking.

"Sierra, what the hell do you think you're doing?" She almost yelled as she pointed to the cigarette.

"Oh shit, you weren't suppose to see that" I almost fell over from being scared because she saw it.

"Who knows you smoke" She asked.

"Only you and the person who got me smoking" I said in a quiet tone.

"And who the hell is this person, is it some band guy or one of their tag along whores?" She's obviously getting more pissed every second.

"It's Ricky, Ricky Horror of Motionless In White" I mumbled.

"And why the hell would he get a 15 year-old smoking?"

"We went walking and I was super stressed and he was smoking so he asked if I've ever smoked before and if I wanted to"

"Sierra you're 15 why would you agree to it?"

"Jess, do you want me to cut again? this is the only fucking way I can calm myself down without cutting"

"Ok" She looked upset. "So where the hell is this guy, I'm about to kick him in his balls"

"That's the thing, I don't know, we were suppose to go walking today but when I was going to the place we were meeting at, I saw a girl kiss him and I just, I couldn't take it and I don't know why but it fucking hurt, bad. It hurt like hell"

"Sierra, hun I think you're falling for anothed guy"

"But I can't, I already love too many guys and I keep falling in love with more guys, at least I'm not fucking sleeping with them, that makes me feel a bit better but still I just, ugh"

"Sierra, babe calm down please. I know this is all a lot, and its aggravating but calm down. Now where is this Ricky? I'm going to kill him"

"Why are you going to kill him?"

Jess' POV

I was so glad and relieved when I found her. I'm happy she's ok.

I have no clue what I'd do if she was hurt. She's everything to me, the person I tell everything to, the person who listens, my sister, the girl I think I love. She's my everything.

I hugged her about to cry from fear a joy when I look down and see she's smoking a cigarette. She never told me and she tells me everything, well I thought she told me everything. I wonder who she told, why and how she started.

So Ricky Horror got her smoking? He got her to ruin her life early. At least she hasn't told anyone, it makes me feel a bit better. But he fucking hurt her. Doesn't this asshole know that she's been hurt a lot before and doesn't need this. And now he kisses some bitch and hurts my Sierra. I want to kill him but that would hurt her worst.

"Why are you going to kill him?" She asks.

"Because he hurt the love- I mean my lovely sister" Wow I'm so stupid, I almost told her I love her. I don't want her to have more stress and be more upset.

We walked back to the bus and I helped her hide the cigarettes and lighter form everyone else.

When we got back all the guys were panicking and wouldn't sleep or do anything until they saw her. We sat on the couch watching movies while everyone else went to sleep. Sierra layed her head in my lap as we watched movies. Eventually she fell asleep laying in my lap. She was so adorable. I love her so much that it hurts when she talks about all the guys she loves.