My Messed Up Life

Merry Christmas to my family

Everyone gathered into the ATL bus and took turns hugging Jack and telling him good things about him to make him see how amazing he is.

But it didn't work, it never works to tell him how amazing he is because he already sees the great things about hisself. The only bad thing, the thing that made him attempt suicide was the one thing that everyone hopes for, the thing everyone wants, the thing that everyone adores, the thing people dedicates an entire day, a holiday to, the thing that when you have it, you hate it, the thing everyone loves. Love.

His love for me and knowing that I love him but I love others and they love me is killing him inside. I'm killing him. And thank god this tour is almost over and I'm almost 16 bc I get to go home and I get a car and I get to ignore and get away from everyone on tour for a while.

~~~~~~Magical Time Skip ~~~~~~

I haven't thought or talked much about the band, you know 6 Feet Under, the band I started with Jewely, Chloe and Austin but we finished 6 songs and we are ready to preform them on stage now.

We all had gotten ready for this day. December 24th Christmas eve is the day that we are introducing New York and everyone else in the world to our band.

~~~~ at concert later that night ~~~~

We made sure to wait until all the other bands were done.

"Hey guys, my beautiful New Yorkers I'm Sierra as you all know because I sing songs with the other bands. You're all probably really confused as to why I'm back on stage and there's no other band playing but actually since so many fans loved me and thought I sing amazing I formed a band with my 3 best friends and you may know them already. First off, our drummer Jewely Urie the sister of Brendon Urie of Panic! At The Disco, our Bassist Chloe Preciado sister of Pierce The Veils bassist Jaime Preciado, and our guitarist/screamer is Austin Fuentes brother of the Pierce The Veils two brothers, singer Vic and drummer mike Fuentes. And together we are 6 Feet Under" I announced and everyone was amazed. After the show the fans were cheering loudly.

They love us.

We did it.

Tonight I get to go home for Christmas and stay home for a month so I go back on tour on January 25th.

It was September when Chloe got pregnant so she is due in June. She's only 3 months and it's hard already.

I hope her and Vic the best. I love them both and yet I hate them both. I don't even know anything anymore.

I hate myself. I hate life.

All day, everyday for about 2 months I've had Jack, Vic, Ricky, Austin, Brian, Stephen, and Jess be super nice to me and be all clingy to me and show their love for me. It's really annoying.

I finally get home and I have to carry a huge bag full of presents from all the bands and band members into my house. They all gave me a gift but I can't open it until another couple of hours.

I unlock the door and go inside, I see the milk and cookies on the table and put down my huge bag and just relax on the couch for a few minutes. I check the clock to see its 12:00, it's finally midnight.

I see my dad come into the living room and then surprised to see me at 12:01 Christmas morning. I run up to him and hug him, I tell him merry Christmas and that's his Christmas present as he puts down the last gift and drink the milk and eats the cookies as I go into my room to sleep for a few hours.

It's now December 25th, Christmas. My aunt comes into the room to wish she had her two nieces and I surprise her and then the two of us walk into the living room where my mom and dad are. I surprise my mom and then the day begins. The first presents I open are the ones from my parents. I got music equipment and CDs and band merch, not like I need anymore but I always want more. Then I watched them open the gifts I got them.

Finally I opened the gift from everyone on tour. I got tons of gifts that say "I love you" on them and some with "BFF" and then some that are just casual, most of them are limited and special band merch from each of their bands.

This shows how much I truly love them all.

Then the person I want to see the least comes into the house.

Great my sister's home for the holidays.