My Messed Up Life

Please Don't

Jack's POV

I love her so much that it hurt me when Alex said ricky loves her. I mean I don't want her to get hurt and especially not by me, but when Ricky hurt her it made me feel a lot better because she came to me, well ATL but mainly Alex and I for support. With Ricky hurting her, that means he's out of the equation and she comes to me more so I have a better chance of her choosing me and loving me. This whole situation is rediculous, all of us grown men are all pleading for a 15 year old to "choose me" come on this is not Pokemon. But to be honest she looks 18-20 and acts 6-10 but in reality she's only 15. You can't stop love and feelings although I wish you could because feelings suck and because of emotions and feelings that Vic, Ricky, Brian, Stephen and I are in this situation. I can tell that Sierra loves Ricky and I'd say she loves him more than me, and because of that she's probably, most likely going to pick him over me. If she does I don't think I could live.

I've always been a happy, hyper, immature, and dick joke and masturbating loving guy but not now. Now I'm hurt and upset and depressed. I might as well end it, end it all now, while things are happening and escalating and before I feel and experience real pain and depression.

Alex's POV

I love Jack, he's my best friend and gay lover and it hurt me when I told Sierra about Ricky and Jack heard it. It hurt me to know I hurt Jack. I can see him changing, slowly day after day. Each day he dies a little more. I just can't be here to see the day he finally catches up to the days and dies completely. I know depression and I know what it can do to a person and he's always been far from depression and it's never came to him to be upset for too long or to self harm or suicide. When he first saw and met her he became an over all happier person if that's possible then when everything started happening he started to slowly die and become moody and depressed. And I couldn't be there for him as he was slowly sinking into depression bc I was depressed for months and that's when he needed me most. If he does anything stupid Sierra and I will both feel responsible and we'll both be depressed ... And I'm not sure who'll hurt more. Me because he's my best friend since high school and my gay lover or Sierra because she loves him and since she can't control life and feelings he's hurt. He's the closest thing I have to a brother since you know and I don't know what I'd do if he got hurt or died especially if he were to kill himself.

Sierra's POV

Jack is an amazing guy but I'm worried about him because he's never been depressed and he's always been. An over all happy guy. But recently he's seemed depress and I know how it feels and looks to be depressed. What if he does something stupid and hurts himself? I'd feel so responsible and more depressed. I love Jack, I honestly do but I can't really show it or express it as much as I'd like to because of my situation. I know what it's like to lose. Best friend that I love but I'm not sure how Alex would feel if Jack were to commit suicide because it's preventable. I also don't know what it's like to lose someone I love and I don't want to find out. Jack means a lot to many people and he always brightens their day and we'd all be lost without him.

I'm really getting worried now, he isn't answering my texts or calls. I've called 6 times and he hadn't picked up. The last time I called was different from the rest because it didn't ring, but it went straight to voice mail.

Oh dear god Jack please be okay.

Alex's POV

Jack don't leave me, you're all I have left and please don't do anything that's stupid.

Jack's POV

I see a beach, that's a perfect place.

I check my phone and Sierra and Alex are blowing my phone up so I turn it off.

It's time to finally end this because I can't endure losing Sierra, I just can't go through anymore pain.