My Messed Up Life

I Keep Fucking Up

I ran to Kellin, I haven't talked to Kell or Devonya in a while and I need to go somewhere I haven't screwed up yet.  I get there and knock, Kellin answers.

"Hey Sierra, how are you?"

"I'm fine" I'm not a good liar so he could tell I was lieing.

"What's wrong? you can tell me"

I told him everything, I didn't really have a choice.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I don't really know what to say, I'm not good in these situations, but I'm always here"

"Thanks Kells" I just started to sob and he held me, trying to calm me down.

I eventually get up and go to the ATL bus. I don't want to but I have to. I knock and Rian answers.

"Hey Sierra, here to see Jack?"

"Yeah actually" I look anywhere but into his eyes.

"He's in his bunk"

"Thanks Ri"

I walk to his bunk. He's asleep, probably because its easier to sleep than to deal with stress and pain. I wrote a note on a sticky note saying "Jack I'm so sorry for being confused and hurting you, I didn't mean to -Sierra" and stuck it the top of his bunk. I layed with him and silently crying to myself for hurting him. I soon fell asleep.

I woke up to Jack crying. What the fuck happened.

"Oh my god, Jack are you ok? why are you crying?"

"Damn it, I don't usually cry. But its because I've realized, how much of a dick I am to you and no matter what I do to hurt you, you come back"

"I'm just confused" and then I told him evrything I told Brian and Stephan.

"Sierra I'm really sorry, but just know that I really love you, I've stopped being a manwhore and stopped looking for fuck buddies and picking up random chicks at bars for you"

"I know Jack and I'm happy for you, just why do you love me? of all people?

"I don't know, that's just what love is, a feeling towards a person that you can't describe or explain why"

"Ok, thanks for somewhat explaining" I laughed a bit.

I hugged Jack, he finally understands, but now, I don't have a clue what to do about Vic and his brother Austin. Jack could tell there was still something wrong and so he asked me.

"Sierra, there's still something wrong what is it?"

I had to tell him, he wouldn't give up until I told him.

"Where the fuck is Vic?"

"Jack what are you doing?" I asked as he grabbed a shirt and ran out the bus clearly pissed.

"I'm going to find where that dick is and then beat the shit out of him" he replied very pissed as he put the shirt on.

"Jack please don't" I grabbed his arm but he is too strong and snatched his arm back and before I knew it we were at the PTV bus.

He slammed the door open and everyone shot their heads up at the door to look at us. Vic saw him then quickly looked at me then back at Jack and he started to get nervous. Everyone knew what was about to happen and ran off somewhere leaving Jack, Austin, Chloe, Vic, me and Danae because she wanted to stay and try to control it.

"YOU DICKHOLE, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SCREW SIERRA OVER? SHE IS THE MOST AMAZING PERSON IN THE WORLD AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH I HATE TO ADMIT IT SHE LOVES YOU AND YOU DO THIS? WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT TO HER?" He screamed at Vic, Chloe began to say something. "AND YOU" he took a breathe and calmed down a bit. "You are her bestfriend, well you were, I don't know if she'll ever forgive you. Bestfriends don't do that shit to each other. Not only do you destroy your own friendship, you destroy others as well. I'm almost positive that you screwed up the friendship between, Alan, Alex, and Tony and now, Tony and Vic. Vic do you see how much you've fucked up? you ruined your friendship with Tony and Jaime, probably With Alan and alex too. You two just can't stop ruining things can you?"

"JACK FUCKING STOP IT! YOURE FUCKING SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF A 31 YEAR OLD AND A 12 YEAR OLD FUCKING STOP IT NOW. IM SO FUCKING DONE WITH DRAMA, I TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING YOUR ASS OVER HERE TO DO THIS BUT LKKE ALWAYS YOU DONT PAY ATTENTION, ESPECIALLY TO THE GIRL YOU SAID YOU LOVE" I calmed my self down a bit. "And I'm ruining everyone's friendship too, Brian, Stephen, Jess, Vic and you. The only reason all this started and is happening is because of me. If I was smarter and paid attention to a hotel or my phone or something, then I wouldn't have hung out with TSS and then they wouldn't have brought me with them, and Brian and Stephen wouldn't have fallen in love with, I wouldn't have kissed them both and they wouldn't have fought, and Jess wouldn't feel guilty for inviting me and I wouldn't have ran to PTV and kiss Vic, then run to you guys at ATL and almost Fuck you then eventually come back here and almost fuck Vic and then run back to the TSS and then try to make things right by talking to all of you and try to meet Vic at the stage to talk and See Austin who hasn't talked to me in a while because he's an asshole and then Vic and Austin wouldn't have felt weird and then my bestfriend and one of the guys I love wouldn't have fucked ok. THIS IS ALL MY FAULT, IM SO FUCKING SORRY IM A FUCK UP AND HURT EVERYONE" I began crying and just fell to the floor. Everyone looked at me with terror in their eyes. but Austin has seen me actually freak out like this before so he knew what to do. he came over to me and sat next to me on the floor and hugged me, letting me put my head on his shoulder and continued to cry. He just sat there hugging me, holding me in his arms and asked if I was ok. he let me lay on him and he sat there holding for as long as I needed. Everyone eventually left me to cry on my bestfriend.