My Messed Up Life

This Isn't Good

"How'd you know?" I asked.

"Well Andy and I went back to the BVB bus and he found pregnancy tests in the trash in the bathroom and the only other girl who ever goes over there besides me, is Chloe and she's already pregnant and you're Chloe's best friend, so that automatically makes you the newly pregnant chick" she answered.

"That's amazing" I sarcastically said. "Just please don't tell anyone" I begged.

"Well all of BVB know, besides Ashley" she stated awkwardly.

"Tell the rest of BVB to not tell him because then he will tell my sister and I don't want her to know" I begged.

"Okay, we won't tell them or anyone else" she agreed.

"Thank you so much" I replied.

"So who's is it anyway?" she asks.

"Who's is what? Who's who? What?" I mumbled around trying to avoid the question.

"You're pregnant, so you had to of fucked someone, so who did you fuck and who's sperm connected with your egg to make this thing in your belly?"

"Fuck" I muttered.

"What?" She asked.

"Fuck" I said clearly "I wanted to avoid this question" I replied.

"Well who's is it?" She asked again.

"I-it's Uhh, it's Austin's" I mumbled.

"Oh fuck, I see why you don't want people to know" she stated.

"I mean I love him but I-I love Jack. I finally know I how I feel about him but I'm afraid it might be too late" I rambled.

"Then why don't you tell him" she asked.

"Because I love Austin too and I don't know who I love more" I confessed.

"Oh, I get it, well who do you think you love more?" She asked the question I dread.

"Well I-I'm not sure, I've known Austin since we were 5 and I've had a crush on him and I've loved him since 2011 when I was 12 and he's put me through shit and hurt me and he didn't even realize it and I kept going back to him and trying to accept the fact that he was just my bestfriend. But Jack, he's always been my hero and when I met him he was even more amazing in person and he pushed me passed limits I never thought I'd reach by attempting suicide because I never thought I'd sacrifice myself for anyone because of fears but I didn't think about my fears of dying or drowning or getting stuck or being too late, I just ran out into the water and pulled him out and saved him. Both mean so much too me" I explained.

"Well I don't know what to tell you but if you want I'll be happy to help you figure it out, and I'm sure Jewely, Danae, and Erin would love to help and I'm sure Chloe's already helping you" she stated.

"Thanks Devonya and yeah Chloe is" I stated and walked off. I went back to the ATL bus and everyone stared at me weirdly but I ignored them and just went to my bunk and laid there and texted Jewely, Danae and Erin what I told Devonya and asked if they could help me figure it out.

They all replied that they would and with that I thought about my decision as I fell asleep.

What felt like a few minutes later Jack came to my bunk and kissed me to wake me up.

"Good afternoon beautiful" he said after I opened my eyes.

"Good afternoon sexy" I replied.

"You need to wake up, we're about to play a show" he replied.

"Okay I'll get up but you have to give me a few minutes" I stated as I kissed him.

I got up and walked into the bathroom, I stripped down and sate oped in the shower turning on the hot water and did my usual routine. Then I found my hidden blade in the bathroom and began to hold the cold blade to my soft skin and slid it across watching as the sticky red liquid leaked out onto the floor or the shower and the clear water washed it away. I held my arms under the water to rinse off my arms. I finally stepped out the shower and dried my body off as I wrapped my hair in a towel. I put on my OM&M pullover and my high-waisted black skinnys. I quickly dried my hair in the towel then put some gel in my hair and scrunched it up to help the curls to keep from frizzing. I slipped on my black vans and checked my phone to see that all of ATL texted me telling me to meet them at the venue at 11.

Great it's 10:50.

I ran out the door and quickly locked it then ran for 5 minutes to reach the venue. I paused for a moment to catch my breath and calm down.

Well that's great dumbass, perfect for the baby.

I finally caught my breath when someone came up behind me and tapped my shoulder which scared the shit out of me.

"Hey Sierra, you know it's 10:57, and ATL performs in like 2 minutes" Austin informed me.

"Fuck, which stage are we on?" I asked.

"The one right over there" he replied and pointed to the stage just a little bit away from us.

"Oh thank god" I whispered and quickly walked over to the stage with a minute to spare.

"Sierra, I thought you wouldn't make it in time" Jack said when he saw me.

"I did everything possible to get here a minute early, I ran 5 minutes from the bus here and almost died" I replied.

"Oh, are you okay? You look dehydrated and like you're about to either puke or pass out" Jack asked worriedly.

"Yeah I-I'm fine, just don't play the songs I sing in until a few minutes. I just need to sit down for a little then I'll be fine" I explained.

"Okay I'll come back after each song to check on you. are you sure you'll be fine to play the show?" He asked.

"I'll be fine, I promise" I answered.

"Are you sure? Because you know, you're band has to play at 12?" He stated.

"Fucking shit, we do. I'll be fine I swear I'll be fine" I replied.

"Okay well I gotta go" he said before he went on stage and they performed one of my favorites, Oh Calamity.

Just like Jack promised, he checked on me after each song until I wanted to sing.

I performed my usual songs along with one of my favorites The Irony Of Choking On A Lifesaver and their new song Something's Gotta Give.

I sat down for the rest of the show and then I blacked out.