My Messed Up Life

Don't Go Away Mad ... Or Sad

I woke up in the clinic, specifically for performers, with Jack, Alex, Rian and Zack freaking out.

"Thank fucking God, Sierra you're awake!" Jack stated relieved.

"What happened?" I asked confused.

"Sierra, you passed out right after your part of the show" Alex explained.

"What we don't know is why you passed out" Rian added.

"Ummm well, actually I'm uh-" I began but I couldn't finish because my eyes were welling up with tears and the doctor came in.

"Well miss, I have some news for you, congratulations, you're pregnant" then he walked out the room.

Everyone's faces changed slightly. Rian's went from worried to shocked. Zack's went from worried to terrified. Alex's went from worried to furious. And Jack, his expression killed me the most. His went from worried to broken.

"S-Sierra, why? How could you?" Jack stuttered quietly.

"Jack I-" I began but Alex cut me off.

"HOW COULD YOU? YOU ARE LIKE A SISTER TO ME AND I TOOK YOU IN AND TOOK CARE OF YOU WHEN YOUR PARENTS DISOWNED YOU, I LOVE YOU LIKE A LITTLE SISTER AND YOU'VE MADE JACK FALL FOR YOU AND THEN YOU'VE PUT HIM THROUGH SO MUCH AND THEN TELL HIM YOU'RE SORRY AND YOU LOVE HIM BUT NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF HE CAN FORGIVE YOU, IF I CAN FORGIVE YOU" Alex yelled and then left the room so he couldn't do anything.

I feel so bad, I mean I love Jack, I really do, and Alex he's my brother and he loves Jack a lot, they're bestfriends and gay lovers and hurting Jack as much as I have, hurts Alex.

"I-I'm so sorry, I never planned for this, none of this, Jack I love you okay, I admit it okay I love you so much that by trying to prevent you from getting hurt I end up hurting you. But now you know, I'm pregnant and I don't want a blob in my stomach, I don't want it, but I don't want to kill it before it even has a chance at life so I'm keeping it. This next sentence is going to kill me to say but, I-it's Austin Fuentes'" I began to cry because I'm killing Jack emotionally and I can't stand to watch this.

"It's his?" He could barely get words out.

"I'm so sorry" I whispered as Rian and Zack left.

Jack knew it wasn't his but he had a little hope left.

A few minutes later Jack left and the doctor came back in to tell me what I should and shouldn't do and then let me leave.

Unfortunately I couldn't make it to my bands performance but a good friend of mine, Hayley Williams, took my spot for the show since I was passed out.

It's now 9:00pm and I need to get some sleep so I went to the bus.

All the guys were sitting around quietly. Rian and Zack were scared and worried because they've never seen Jack and Alex like this and especially not at the same time. Alex was so pissed he didn't even speak to anyone. And Jack is so depressed.

I'm killing my favorite band. and my friends.

I can't take any of this.

I have to make my decision.

I go and lay in my bunk, rubbing my stomach trying to think of what to do.

I eventually fell asleep.

I woke up thinking about the decision I have to make and everything that has led up to now.

I hate this but I think I know who I'm choosing.

I hope the other doesn't hate me.

I still love him even though I'm not choosing him.