Bulletproof girl scouts

Butterfly

Nara's POV

I looked away, clearing my throat awkwardly. That's when I felt his eyes on me. The awkwardness increased and I had the urge to do something to distract myself. So I pulled up my feet, hugging them to my chest. I heard him sigh again.
"Do you guys talk about career options?"

Finally

I turned my head sideways to look at him, resting my cheek on my knees. I thought back to takeout dinners and leftovers for breakfast. Fengh carrying Aoi on her back after a music show. Lizzy singing us all to sleep, bundled up close and bickering like some forced high school sleepover. Exhausted after our first comeback. Too tired to argue about anything and actually falling asleep on each other. The trio waking up complaining about stinking breath like they didn't just cuddle last night. Stealing each other's clothes and crying together when we won the daesang after five years of hard work. Lizzy humming as she went about the chores while Fengh gave a lesson to Ayano about something related to ABC Analysis. I thought about what he asked and,
"Not really"

"What does that mean?"

"It's like...", I took a pause, frowning as I struggled to form the right, words. "I think it's because we're rich"

"I don't understand"

"Most of us have investments....inheritances those kind of things. Half of us are authentic chaebols, really. I think that's why we never talked seriously about career. Because we know we don't have a choice"

"That rich?"

I nodded, "you saw Fengh's car". That flashy red Maserati convertible. His mouth formed an 'o' in realization. Then he frowned. "So you have no idea....", his voice was pensive, so low I almost didn't catch it.

"huh?"

"Half knowledge", he stated while staring blankly at the open ocean. Then he turned to me, the wind whipping his bangs back from from his face. "You should talk about it with your members before taking decisions on your own. As much as you want to avoid it, Nara, I really think you should tell them about your condition. One way or another, your lack of communication's gonna come around to bite you in the-.....anyway, what I mean is that you all should open up to each other more often", a pause as he studied my expression, "at least, that's what I think"

I blinked slowly, letting his words sink in. I was not good at confrontation. Or serious talks. Or talking as a whole. And our group - we all had secrets and it was a silent agreement to not poke our noses in each other's business. We knew a little about each other. Like how Sunhee moved to South Korea from the North,  which was a bit of information she spilled when drunk and we have to keep mum because it's a national secret. How Ayano took an orphan under her wing, Aera, Fengh and Lizzy gave up their positions as heiresses and ran away from home - all for reasons we don't ask. We were close but we respected each other's privacy too much to ask. We care for each other but only from the other side of the wall. It's the way things have always been. What he asked of me would be difficult, to say the least.

Half knowledge.

I inhaled, "how bad can it be?"

"It's the worst", he explained softly. "ruins relations. Fucks them up beyond repair and believe me, you don't want to go through that", he looked behind his shoulder where the maknaes of both groups were wrapping up their game. "We should go back"

I lowered my head, staring at the sand between my toes as we stood up. He sounded so right. Jumping to conclusions when someone acted weird and holding prejudice against each other's secrecy. It is a world class wonder how we managed to get so close. We bonded well over the years. But were we close enough to talk about our core problems? Our scars? I was not sure. I knew that I cared deeply for the girls; they're my everything. I wouldn't think twice before shielding any one of them from harm. But the doubt holding me back from opening up to the ones closest to my heart, it fills me up with shame. The members have an idea of what drove me out of Europe. Jieun doesn't even know that much about me and yet she sticks around and is always there to cheer me on in her own carefree way, dropping by to check up on me at the drop of a hat even though we live in different cities. Isn't it her right to know? Don't the members have a right to know if I plan to leave the group?