SHIFTED.✔

6

My saving grace came when I went into grade nine. I had known Katie Callum to look at.  I knew we lived in the same street and that she was one of the cool kids.

We ended up in some of the same classes. She started to catch the bus home that year. We both got off at stop number four.

Katie always had people around her.

People to walk home with.  To go to the corner shop with.

Sometimes I'd catch her looking at me and she'd give me a grin. It made me feel sad but I didn't know why.

Katie was taller than me. Not fat and not skinny. She had huge breasts and freckles. She was a fairy floss stick at the show. Put her in a circle of people and they became the floss vying for a position on the rod.

Everyone loved Katie.

I've never understood where that quality comes from. Some people just have it and others don't.

One afternoon Katie didn't walk with her friends. Didn't go to the shop.

I was sauntering along with my head hung scanning the asphalt for dead toads. If there's anything I hate most in the world it's toads. Dead or alive.

I heard Katie call out. At first I thought she was yelling to one of her friends but she was suddenly behind me.

"Hey...wait up!"

I turned to look at her, bit on my lip waiting for some smart comment. She smiled as she slowed her pace to match mine.

"Can I walk with you?"

I sucked in a breath through my nose thinking okay this is a trick of some sort. I looked behind her expecting to see some of her friends pointing and laughing. They had their backs to us crossing the road.

She glanced behind her then looked back at me. "They're going to the shop. I don't want to go."

Turning around, I continued to walk. She followed.

"I'm Katie." She popped forward like she had springs under her shoes.

Swallowing the ridged lump in my throat I didn't say anything. I didn't want to be sucked into some sarcastic game.

"You're Charlie right?"

Biting back on my lip I calculated the situation like a hand levered adding machine. No sign of cynicism. No mockery. She was still smiling. She was relaxed. Her eyes were shining. Hope and sincerity mixed with a little uncertainty flowed like liquid in her irises.

"We're in some of the same classes." Her voice wavered. The level of uncertainty made a push for more space. Hope was being strapped into the back corner just in case it was needed.

My mother didn't raise me to be rude so I said, "Yeah."

The buckle on hope was unleashed. I could tell she was pleased I'd answered her. "You're so lucky," she said. When I frowned at her she hurriedly continued. "You're really clever."

Katie was opening a packet of Barley Sugar and offered me one. I took it as she added, "I'm such a dumb arse. I don't get that algebra shit. Like when will I use that crap? Really..?" she said it so casually.

As if she'd always spoken to me.

As if we'd always walked home together.

It sent a warm feeling through my body. I laughed. Not because what she'd said was funny but because I didn't know how to handle that feeling. Katie laughed too. When we stopped she gave me a curious look.

"It was your brother wasn't it? The one who got killed."

Down came my teeth on my lip. Quickly looking at the ground I thought okay here it comes. The cruel joke. Instead of being about me Jed would be brought into it.

Her hand was on my back. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean..." Her words trailed off. I looked at her, saw her blurry outline and realised there were tears in my eyes.

Katie hugged me, wrapped her arms around me. She didn't say anything, just hugged me while I cried. The funny thing was I hadn't cried like that when Jed died. I hated him. Was angry with him for being dead. Told myself he deserved to be dead because he'd never listened to me. He'd left me alone. I realised while I was standing there crying in this strangers arms that it wasn't true. I didn't hate Jed. I loved him and missed him. Knew he was never coming back.

Katie coached me along with a slight pull of her arm. She kept it around my shoulder and suddenly we were standing in my front garden.

I looked up at her. I didn't know what to say. I used both my palms to wipe away my tears. She grinned at me, cocked her head to one side and lifted up the hem of my shirt.

"Why don't you use this? It's big enough to dry your whole body."

I felt really stupid. The lump in my throat burnt like cinder. I thought okay here's the joke about how fat I am.

She grinned again and said, "Why do you wear this? It's so big. Did it belong to your older brother?"

I frowned, looked down at my now tear stained shirt. "No, it's mine."

"Oh, did your mum buy you the wrong size."

I shook my head dumbly at her. Her comments had me teetering on the edge of an imaginary ledge waiting to be pushed.

She cocked her head again, "You know it's too big for you...right?"

I must have looked confused because she laughed, grabbed the end of my shirt and shook it. "You're not this fat!" Katie grinned, "Gotta go...see you tomorrow."

Copyright © 2017 by Donna Fieldhouse. All rights reserved

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