With the sound of the door shutting i felt like something broke in me . So much regret so much hurt and so much guilt . I was no longer able to turn it all into anger . I was no longer able to convince myself that it was his fault .. neither that i hated him .
Groaning loudly i turned around heading for the stairs where my mum awaited me at the top of.
I just glared at her in anger not minding her much as i past her like she meant nothing but air to me .
I made my way to my room ignoring her calls for me i slammed the door after me . I felt like breaking , this was more its more than just about kyungsoo i knew i was connecting this with dad and with what happened.
I don't want to have any persons with this .. kindness and ... no I can't take seeing him get destroyed by the reality of this world .. like I did now .
I was just a part of this cruel world.
,, jongin !" Finally the door opened and she stomped inside like a dragon into its cave. Making every step of her audible .
Her hand roughly landed on my shoulder turning me around with a force.
However did i only set my eyes upon her sadden yet shocked once as she calmed in an instand now carefully getting down to the height of me laying on my bed .
,, sweety .. " her voice was no longer loud but merely above a whisper as her hand landed on my cheek whiping her thumb over it when she swollowed herself .
I was crying .
Realizing it .. only fucking now realizing that i was fucking crying it made me burn again and i ended up slapping her hand away somehow missing the touch but totally ignoring it as i got up from bed glaring at her as if she was the cause of all my problems ,, get the fuck out !"
,, no .. " she whisperd looking sadly at me but i just pointed angrily at the door i started blaming her now that the guilt had stopped me from blaming kyungsoo i needed to blame her ,, dont act like you fucking care we both know you dont even give a shit ! "
,, i do .. jongin you're my son ok i will always care even if you dont want me to " why was she doing this ? I had enough to deal with , the money , kyungsoo my fucking father that still doesnt leave me alone not even after his stupid death
,, if you cared then you wouldnt have fucking killed dad "
,, jongin !" She now scolded finally .. watery eyes as she stared at me but i didnt back down ,, get out "
,, no ! This needs to stop .. you've been hurting yourself for way too long and now even others .. i know you-"
,, you dont know shit now get the fuck out !"
,,i know he reminds you of
your dad "
,, shut up " i now stepped closer and she bit her lips despredly closing her eyes
,, thats why you're pushing him away like this and .. jongin i .. i heard you .. the way you talked to each other i'm not that stupid to not realize that hes more than a reminder of dad to y-"
,, i'm warning you get out i dont want to deal with this bullshit now"
,, i know .. jongin .. ok i fucking know " she now met my eyes with her pathetic despred once . I clenched my jaw my hands flying to her arms as i started janking her towards the door and she struggled and cried but i was taller and stronger .
How dare she assume things and talk to me like this .. she knows .. she knows what ? That i'm gay !? That I love him !? bullshit ! I am not fucking gay .
When i got to the door she forcefully pushed me back and stumbled for a moment just stopping at the door frame ,, stop being so selfdestructiv !" Her scolding just made me act without a thought and i ended up angrily pushing her out of my room .
YOU ARE READING
Intoxic Dose (Kaisoo)
Fanfiction*?completed?* (( There's a sequel following but it doesnt end in tension )) Merely a punk . That's all I was, an idiot telling myself, convincing myself that the world is only a dark broken place. The only friends I had were my cigarettes, the dr...
