Intoxic Dose (Kaisoo)

Chapter 37 : Unwanted

It was dead silent .
In the middle of the night, just waiting to call it morning as the sun had already shown it's first few colours .

I was dead tired as I took the last few steps up and walked along the hall until i've reached the door I had been heading towards to .

Hesitant I glanced onto the ring of flowers that was hanging on the door.
I was confused since I felt like I wanted to go back inside and talk things out like normal fucking pussy people would do or at lest argue with him or anything..

just hear his voice ..

Yet i felt like i wanted to leave him behind already , now that nothing was holding me back anymore my mum wasn't here and kyungsoo ...

I was losing him anyway ...

I had a key to this flat In the bag of my jacket and I told myself that that was the reason I came back here once more. Because I was just returning the key and taking my stuff .

It's so early he would probably be sleeping since he was sick anyway so he won't notice anything , maybe I should leave a note ..

I sighed plugging the key in and turning it until it made a cracking sound signing me that it was now time to pull the door and then push it to open it like he always did ,but compared to him I didn't use my whole body for this , it was enough when I just pushed and pulled with my hands .

The door spun open a little until it hit the wardrobe way too close to the door. It still smelled awfully like puke .

I walked over to the window instantly when I didn't spot him on the couch and I opened the window in disgust .
Somehow this reminded me of when I first came here as I looked out the window all the way down to the streets. How impressed I was by the drawings and everything but now I learned to hate it all again .

Thinking of his bitch of a mother drawing them . It made me dislike it instantly, yes I was just that kind of person.

My thoughts came to a halt when I turned around.

The door to the bathroom was still open the way I had left it . Pretty much everything was still the way I had left it .except for him .

All the drawers were open things scatters on the ground and in the middle of the chaos there was him .

My breath hitched and I first took slow short steps that turned into bigger and faster ones as I stared onto the back of his motionless form laying on the ground .I dropped the keys .

,, kyungsoo " i poorly attempted to call him as I moved all the medicine, pills, bandages and toothbrushes, shampoo and soap all that small shit away simply by kicking it to the side before getting to my knees and turning him around I tried hard not to spot the blood pool around him mixed with thousands of white pills .

,, fuck fuck fuck fuck !" I grabbed onto his ripped apart wrists the sunshine that once was so obvious to my eye had now disappeard under all the new cuts and blood .

,, no .. No " I whimpered pulling him more up and closer to me , a few pills falling out of his other hand and I instantly grabbed onto the cuts on it aswell but the blood was all half dried .

He had laid here too long .

I whipped over my face ,laying him back down I grabbed into my back pocket pulling my phone out before I shakingly opened it to call an ambulance .

But I stopped when I rememberd we didn't have any money for a hospital
,, FUCK !" I screamed to myself hitting the ground with my phone before staring back at kyungsoo in utter desperation .

What should I do ?

WHAT SHOULD I FUCKING DO !?

I whined loudly , my hands grabbing onto my hair
Why would he do that ??
What did he do !?
Is he stupid !?

Yet again i told myself I couldnt break down with him dying there no no. I neededbto stay sane for his sake .

So I removed my hands quickly staring foreward onto him again as I moved closer. And I spotted his chest raising and falling the slightest bit  He's breathing .

I swollowed thinking it over. Should I call someone ? .
Who ..

Mum ? No she's too far away
Alay.. I don't trust her I don't want her seeing him like this but it was the same with Mrs.xiao and I didn't know more people everyone else were fucking assholes.. they wouldn't help me.

Chat and the others probably knew how to handle this ... but should I realy call them .

I took heavy breaths glancing onto kyungsoos still form . Bits of blood still seeping out of his wrists. Maybe I could do it on my own .

Placing the phone down I moved closer once more grabbing onto the bandages I had messingly opened by freaking out just a few seconds ago . I ended up wrapping the bandages as tight as I could around his wrist..
But what about the pills why would he do that !? Why !?

I had asked myself that over and over trying to control my panicking heart by blaming him and only him !

What if it was already too late and he had swollowed enough to be in a coma ? The thought scared me and it brought tears to my eyes as I pulled him up with me to lay him down into the bathtub. The bruises on his nude upper body still evident but I found myself not bothering them too much anymore since there were now bigger problems envolving around him.

I kicked all the small shits aside opening the window as far as it goes to get some fresh air in before turning back to him in the shower Turning the water on and carefully starting to wash him, all the puke and the dirt everything I washed it away.

To be honest I did hesitate at the thought of taking his pants off but he was unconscious anyway and I needed to clean him off all this dirt .
So I did what i Had to I'm not this kind of pervert who uses the apportunaty to stare or some shit no .

I didn't even pay attention that much I just washed the water over him and gently ran my hands through his hair with shampoo to clean the puke aswell on his soft lips and the blood on his rips and hands everywhere .

And when I was done I simply wrapped him up in a towel carrying him carefully over to the couch to lay there before I rushed back to the bathroom grabbing new bandahes only to wrap them around his wrists again as tight as I could, removing the old ones I had applied first without thinking .

Him laying in front of me like that . Not uttering a simple sound breathing so shallow and looking so pale and bruised .. it was horrible it took me all the way back to the time when I brought him to the hospital .but back then it scared me .. now it terrified me. I tried not to think of it too much but when I dressed him in one of my pullovers and just some boxers to make him comfortable and cover him eventually with the only blanket that hadn't been soaked in puke .
All these thought just cane over me when I moved around in silence.

,, If you hadn't brought me here in time I would've died so,
thank you for saving my life " he smiled his hand on mine .

What if I was too late now .. I don't know how to handle this I couldn't forgive myself if he died even tho there was a chance to save him.

I don't have any other choice ..

A desperate sigh left my lips when I pulled my phone out holding it to my ear my eyes not moving away from his still form .

I won't let him die .