life goes on (completed)

broken up

Pam's POV

"I just wanted to keep Ava but...I lost Fergal in the process."

I said as I wiped the tears from my face.

"Pam, you did kiss him."

Sasha said as I looked down at the computer screen.

"I know and I regret it so damn much. I just wanted Aaron to drop the court case. I'd do anything to keep Ava but the one thing I needed to do cost me the love of my life."

I sobbed.

"Sometimes I wonder if it would've always been easier if I never came back. Sometimes I just regret coming back to Earth. Heaven was amazing and everyone's life would've be just fine without me. Becky and Fergal would've been happy, nothing would've happened to Julianna or Skye, I wouldn't have to deal with Aaron, Anastasia wouldn't have...died."

I said, my voice cracking at the thought of my poor baby girl.

"Everyone wouldn't be suffering if I just accepted that it was my time and stayed in Heaven."

I said as I continued crying. All my thoughts came back into my head. I want to be back in Heaven. I could be with Juliet and Leonie. I could meet Anastasia. Every thing would be better up there.

"Pam, please don't. I see that look in your eye. Do not try anything drastic-"

I cut Sasha off by slamming the laptop lid down. I walked into the bathroom as tears just kept flooding down my face.

If I didn't have Fergal, I didn't have anything. There's no point to my life. There's no reason to stay here anymore.

I opened the medicine cabinet and took out anything I could. I just wanted to go back to Heaven where I belong. Where I wouldn't be able to be hurt.

Where Aaron and Fergal can't hurt me.

I took all the pills and sat on the ground with my knees pulled up to my chest. I looked down at my bump as the tears kept flowing.

"I'm sorry. I hope you come with me."

I whispered before passing out.