Eh Yung Hindi Naman Tayo? DATI (COMPLETED)

EYHNTK- True Colors

March 11, 2018:

So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful
I see your true colors
Shining through (true colors)
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful (they're beautiful)
Like a rainbow
Oh oh... 

I've always thought this was a beautiful song. I have heard all its versions but my favorite one is probably the one made even before I was born, the original by Cyndi Lauper.

As I sat there, listening to the lovely voice of the singer while surrounded by the people who supported me since I started my showbiz journey almost three years ago, blinking back the tears that I fear I could not hold back any longer, I realized that I've been hearing this song my whole life but never really understood or appreciated it until now, after all that has happened.

All my life, I have been a misfit, an oddity. My parents said I was painfully shy and quiet since I was a child maybe because I found it hard to relate to others without being misunderstood. That has been the case for as long as I can remember.

I have few friends and only a handful that I can call true. I believe in the good in people. I also submit myself to the utopian belief that I can put my faith and trust in everyone because each person is created to be innately good, that I just be me and they will love me for who I am.

Sadly, in this world, especially in our line of work, that can't be true, not without compromising who I am, not without changing to the person that everyone thinks I should be.

That's why to everyone, I am a misfit, not that I meant to be one. It's just the way that I am. People advise me to conform sometimes- "Kaya ka naba-bash kasi ganito", "Wala namang mawawala ka kung gawin mo ito kahit di mo masyadong feel", they would say. I try but my mind and heart will always lead me to do or say what I really feel, who I really am. No matter how complicated that may be. Besides, who can really say that if I conformed, the hate and the bashing would stop?

My actions could still be misconstrued. My words could still be misinterpreted. I mean, look at you. You're practically a saint. You have been in this industry long enough to know your way around people. You understand them and you do everything possible to make everyone happy. You say everything right and do everything flawlessly. You don't even try, you just do because you are just intrinsically kind and faithful, but some people still see fault in you. They still find a reason to hate you.

So, I will stay true to who I am because "Wala namang mawawala ka kung gawin mo ito kahit di mo masyadong feel" is a lie. I will lose something if I followed that advice. I will lose myself. I can't do that. I want to emerge from all these with my head held high saying, "Ako pa rin to. Si Menggay mula sa Santa Maria, yung walang ibang alam gawin kundi magpa-pangit pero sumubok at lumaban. Marami na akong nagawa, pero ako pa rin ito. Saan man ako makarating, si Menggay ng Santa Maria pa rin ako."

Love me or hate me, I am who I am. Some will accept me, others will tolerate and there will always be those who will hate.

Whatever the case is, I will never be afraid to show my true colors because I know now that no matter how ugly, no matter how complicated, no matter how difficult, no matter how unacceptable I maybe to others, I will always have you who loves and trusts me unconditionally as I do you.

You and me, no matter what, we will always have each other. For me, that's really all that matters.

********

Hi, guys.

Sorry if medyo slow and updates lately. Research at work have been quite demanding this past week and I have been busy with Summer activities with the kids. Those plus a little writer's block make up for my recent let down as a writer. Excuses. Excuses. Just rambling here.

I will try to make it up in the next few days and catch up on the updates.

Also, since as you would notice, I haven't been updating #Babetime and other erotica fics because I sort of lost the mojo for it. So I will need your help in finding it again through a little writing exercise. I am going to post an empty chapter each in those books so you could suggest some prompts. I will try to write at least 2 drabbles (300-500 words) for them a week. Please understand that since there is a word cap, the chapters will be short so may I request for you to please refrain from commenting "Bitin" because it's frankly, quite discouraging.

I know. I'm rambling again. LOL

Honestly, I fear that after over 2 years, that unprolific shell that has imprisoned me for over a decade before I rediscovered my passion for writing through MAICHARD is looming again so I really need your patience during this time.

Thank you for your understanding and still reading.

Deng