Eh Yung Hindi Naman Tayo? DATI (COMPLETED)

Storm Clouds

November 23, 2017:

"Don't you ever get tired?" You ask as we sit on a bench on your condo's balcony.

I sense the same sadness in your voice that I have been hearing for the past few days and it scares me.

"Of what?" I ask back but I dread your answer.

Please don't say us. I didn't even realize that I feared that possibility at this point in our relationship if I didn't just silently pray.

It's almost midnight. We have been out here for over half an hour, watching the stars and sipping wine after our late weeksary dinner while I tell you story after story of my day and you... Well, you...

Come to think of it, you have been eerily quiet the whole time. I thought you were just letting me go on with the animated narration of the work I've done but now I know your mind has wandered off in your own thoughts that I fear I might not reach.

"Of this... Of everything... Of not being able to do what you really want because God have mercy people will prosecute you for doing a two-minute scene with a girl other than me, look at one for more than three seconds or stand in the same stage with another for thirty seconds. The same goes for me, makasabay ko lang o makatabi, yung ibang lalake mahahanash na ako hanggang sa kabilang buhay. We can't wear, say or do anything without everyone having to say something about it. People can't be around us without being overly analyzed. I know some of those comments maybe born out of their love for us but some..." You sighed deeply and looked up to the sky. "It's exhausting."

So you've been reading those again. It's been quite a week of those for us too. I move closer to you and enclose you in my arms. You hug me back and lean your cheek on my chest.

"Di ba sabi ko sa'yo wag ka nang nagbabasa ng mga kung ano-ano? Ikaw nga nagturo sa aking mam-block ng mga accounts na nega tapos ikaw naman tong basa ng basa." I said.

Sometimes I wish you stayed away from Twitter a little while longer but I also know that when you did, it was a good time for everyone. WAS.

"Hindi naman kasi maiwasan. Naka-tag ako. Tapos some of the accounts I follow engage them and tweet about them. When you click the HT nandoon din mga ganoong usapan. And it's not just Twitter. IG, FB, when I search us on Google. They're everywhere."

"Haaay naku. Wag mo na lang pansinin. Focus on the good, Love."

"Don't you think I try to? I do. It's just so hard kasi kahit saan ka tumingin andoon."

I sigh and cradle your face in my hands then look into your eyes. "Focus on me." I say and I think I just made it worse because then your tears start flowing from your eyes.

"I do. I focus on you but every time I do, I realize how they are right. You've done too much for me and I don't think I deserve it. You're too good for someone like me. Sino lang ba ako para sa isang Alden Richards. Hindi naman ako maganda, pabebe lang naman ako, pipichugin lang ang talent ko. I'm holding you back. Sobrang dami mo pang pwedeng gawin pero hindi mo magawa dahil nakatali ka sa akin... sa atin." You sob and shake your head. "You don't deserve that. You deserve so much more than this."

I try to look calm and comfort you with a smile but deep inside, my own fears are clutching my heart tightly like a vice grip and squeezing it.

I wipe your tears and kiss each of your eyelids then I lean to touch our foreheads together. "You are beautiful, the most beautiful and amazingly smart, talented and kind woman anyone will ever get the chance to meet and I am the luckiest man to have you. Sana makita mo yun. Soon makikita mo din yun pero hanggang hindi mo yun nakikita, hinding-hindi ako magsasawa napatunayan yun sa'yo. Mahal na mahal kita. You don't hold me back. Ikaw pa nga ang nagbukas ng isang buong mundo ng oportunidad para sa akin. Now, I have the choice to do what really makes me happy hindi yung kung ano lang ang dumating and what really makes me happy is you, being with you, working with you."

"Pero hindi naman nga kita kayang sabayan. Ang tagal mo nang naghihintay. Two years mahigit na." You sigh.

"Hindi mo kailangan sumabay sa akin, ako ang sasabay sa'yo." I tell you but you remain unconvinced.

"But..."

"Ssshhh... No buts... I love you so much, Love, and I am happy with what we have, what we accomplish together, what we do. Hayaan mo lang na gabayan kita, hayaan mo lang na maghintay ako. If you love me, you'll let me do this for you." I draw a deep breath before asking the question. "Mahal mo pa naman ako di ba?"

"Mahal." You cup my cheek and stare into my eyes. "Mahal na mahal na mahal kita. I wouldn't be thinking like this kung hindi. I love you. Only you. With all of me. Forever."

I smile. "I love you more. Forever." I whisper and touch my lips on yours.

I kiss you slowly and gently, caressing your lips with mine, snugly wrapping you in my arms and lovingly touching your body. I later carry you inside to your room where I kiss and love all of your cares away... or so I hope.

I hope I'm not just sweeping everything under the rug.

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Unbeta'ed and not proofread. Thank you for reading.