The Aftermath

39🥀

Authors note: shout out to misspeachesbae for the hilarious comments in my first few chapters!😊

August 1996:
Tupac

Still now I haven't got a different response from anyone about Justine as yet, the only response I've gotten so far is 'She's in deep sleep'. Me not sure if she is recovering slowly from her surgeries or that her time has come.

It's been two days since the accident and I'm finally getting the chance to see her. I never really wanted to leave the hospital due to the fact that she was left in unstable condition. Like literally everyone told me to go and get something to eat......go get some rest......go and clean yourself up......when I finally did those things, I still couldn't get my mind of off her. I didn't want anyone around me because out of nowhere, I would just break down and cry constantly. I wasn't even eating right or sleeping right because I still couldn't my mind of off her.

I fixed my bandana and my black t shirt as I walked into the room the doctors told me to go in. It was like something deep just really hit me when I saw her lying on the bed....peaceful. She was asleep just like a newborn baby would look, all nice and wrapped up.

I saw peaceful because she looked unbothered and no one was there to disturb her but her injuries were the opposite of that.....

Wraps of bandages covered the top of her hair but you were still able to see her beautiful bouncy black curls. A cast was around her neck as it supported it. The cut that DeVante gave her looked like it opened up and got worse as I saw stitches on them. There was another huge cut on the other side of her face as well along with a tiny few scratches from her arms. I analysed her arm as I saw a cast that covered half of her arm. I feel like she had another cast somewhere else so I didn't want to lean on the bed, just in case.

After looking at her with sympathy, I walked around the bed and took her free hand slowly into mine. I rubbed on it gently as her fingers alone gave me warmth inside my body. Her fingertips were smooth and delicate and they just made me happier as I felt a little movement in them made by her. My smile went away as it stopped though.

I thought that it would've been the right time to tell what I felt about her, like deeply. I've told her some things before but not shit this deep. I'm guarantee that she will survive but if she doesn't, it's the best time to say this now. I'm not showing her no poems I've written about her or songs, whatever.......but I'm telling her what is coming from heart, my soul, not a piece of paper.

I got to the chair and sat down in it, giving myself a few minutes to calm myself before I mess up shit in here. I could feel tears trying to come out but I had to fight them away. I'm still surprised I even have tears still because these last two days have been crazy, I've been crying every second, minute, hour of the day!

I faced my head to her and took a deep breathe as I still had her hands in mine.

There goes nothing......

'Damn.......can't believe I'm saying all this shit to you, I've never been so real with someone apart from my mother. All these feelings that I had bottled inside of me, I need for you to hear me out, even if you do or don't hear me. The first time we met, we were just little kids, or maybe even younger. Even though our mothers are seven years apart, I remember you telling me that she was a black panther. I got all happy because my mother was a black panther as well. After that day, we acted liked we knew each other for years when only we knew each other for like two minutes. You were my first friend and the only person I could ever trust. All those niggas I hang out with, half of them I don't even trust them like I trust you. We went through kindergarten, middle school together and high school but stopped when You career started to explode. I actually felt a bit envious of you because you were gaining all the attention but it made me realise that if I wanted to be successful like that, I have to start working hard to get were I wanted to be in life. You were really my inspiration, I would always look up to you in whatever you did. Sometimes the shit you did was crazy but that's what I love about you. Damn sometimes you can be scary.....you beating up girls and after you finished with them, almost make a nigga piss their pants if they ever dared to cross your path. Not me though, we are kind of a like though, as Kadafi said......We both stubborn as fuck, both crazy as fuck and not to mention, we both love sex! This is so funny because we were like seventeen and you told me that you wanted to lose your virginity so badly....like you didn't know who to trust, and I got confused because you had a man but at the same time, he wasn't the good type. Then out of nowhere you started getting all freaky around me....which I thought it was all a joke until you got me all locked up in this room at this party. When you told me you felt trusted to have sex with me, I was all weird about it but I wanted to please you as my bestfriend.....sadly as soon as we start taking our clothes of, we both felt weird about it so we stopped. Lucky we waited because just last year I got to please you, it didn't feel like I was mashing a random hoe, I was making love to you, something I never thought I would do with you. You probably thought it didn't mean anything but too me it was something really special. I don't know but after that you made me look at you in a different light, I was looking at as if you were my girl.....to be honest I really thought it would work but because if the fucked up arguments we had, it just didn't meant to be. Don't think I still don't love you, because I love you more than that. I would give me blood, sweat, tears, liver, kidney......all the parts of my body if I had to save you. You've been there for me every single step of the way. The court trials they but me through, you were always there, you would try your hardest to visit me when I'm all locked up for being innocent. I love you way too much just for you to let you go, hell I love you way too much than Kidada.....I'm in love with you, and I mean that shit. When I see you it makes me happy, when we talk to each other it makes me happy, when I kiss you I have all sorts of feelings within me, when we argue I feel helpless - like I could've done something to avoid it because I hate seeing you upset, when I'm making love to you I feel like you've taken me to another level.....it's a feeling I've never felt before, never felt that with no girl before - never......This is all my fault, I should've never treated you bad, I should've never sat there and let Kidada open her mouth and talk nothing but trash about you. You're probably right now saying to yourself, even if you are conscious 'See as soon as you see me clinging on to dear life, that's when you wanna open up?' When you wake up, you can't even tell me that it's something you would've said because I know you too well Justine, I know when you lie, I know when you tell the truth, I know when you're happy, I know when your said, I know when you're angry and I definitely know when you want some thug passion from your little ol' bald headed ass bestfriend'

I laughed at myself at that comment.....probably wasn't necessary but I just needed a laugh!

I got serious and gripped her hand tighter than before 'Justine, I love you.....I'm in love with you and it would be the same if you left. My world would die if you died, I would die if you died! I just can't let you go.....'

I trailed of crying as my head softly laid on her bed. I still gripped on her hand but not too tighter. Damn I just pray to God that now, later, tomorrow that I'll be able to see her smiling face.