The Aftermath

57🥀

September 1996:
Justine

Bare in mind, everyone has gotten around seeing Pac but not me. Whats the point, he's alive now, we ain't talking and he's going to especially when he finds out I'm having his child. It might be a selfish mood to make as I'm not getting up to see him, but some part of my body says no and the other part says yes or am I just afraid.

I sat with a cup in my hand, wrapping all sorts of shit around me as if I was sick, well I'm making myself sick.

'Justine, you really need to see him' Mary said

'No he's going to hate me' I started to tear up

'Why is he going to hate you?' Mary asked

'I told him I wished something bad would happen to him, now look where the fuck we at now' I said 'It's like every time I think about more of the argument, I feel even more guilty to what happened and its my fault' I blamed myself as I broke down into a deep cry

Flashback:

'Why've you changed your mind all of a sudden?' I looked at him funny 'I thought you had to go to Atlanta to go sort things out with your cousin?'

'I know but that can wait' he said

'Who convinced your ass to go Las Vegas?' I looked at him dead in the eye

'No one' he said in a high pitched tone

'It was Suge wasn't?......that nigga ain't up to no good' I started walking about

'It's gonna be Okay' he reassured me

'Didn't you just get mad at him because he wouldn't give you your money, told him your plans after Death Row making him salty, taking of your Death Row chain multiple times in front of him replacing it with your euphansaia chain and let's not forget, the tension we see between you and Snoop over some radio station chat he had' i pointed out

'Would you stop worrying yourself, I'm just gonna go Vegas with Kidada and the Death Crew, watch the Mike Tyson fight then go of to celebrate Tracy's birthday'

'Hmmm.....talking bout Kidada, I'm not down with this cheating shit no more' I said bluntly

'I know this shit was gonna happen' he muttered as he turned his body away from me

'I just don't feel-'

'I get it, you don't want to risk our friendship so you rather be my friend then just my girl, same shit Jada did to me'

'Now hold on, you think cheating on someone is good, you think telling someone you love them while you got another girl is good, and don't you dare ever say that Jada did that shit to you, obviously she saw you as a friend, she didn't want to walk with you in every hallway lying to you, herself and other people that she loved you like that when she really saw you as a friend, the same way I saw you.'

'So you're telling me you lied to me to make me feel happy about myself?' He asked

'Nigga don't put words in my mouth' I looked at him sternly

'You know what fuck this shit, messing with you is fucking up my life' he dragged out

'I'm fucking up your life? The badly influenced people you hang with are fucking up your life' I spoke common sense into him

'Exactly' He said calmly as he pointed his hand referring to me

Thank God the Lord let my hand heal quickly. I slapped that nigga straight in his face with so much hate in me, it was that bad I swore to God I was gonna cry.

'If I'm so motherfucking bad influence, why the fuck you still hang with me? If I was so motherfucking bad influence, why am I concerned about what shit might happen to you in Las Vegas? If I was so motherfucking bad influence, why am I telling you to stop this cheating shit? This motherfucking list could go on but you know what, you feel like I'm causing you real damage, alright then but I hope some off guard shit happens to out there.' I spat 'Loosing all your friends because of the fucked up decisions you make, Now you still can't realise why none of us don't chill with Suge no more, you obviously must be blind not to see the pain he's brought us, you think he's your best friend, your protector but he's gonna be like them same niggas, after your money and if he don't get what he wants, hell I feel sorry for you. He playing the game Pac just like all of them niggas.'

End of Flashback

'Justine, you know it ain't your fault' Mary tried to cheer me up

'Well who's fucking fault is it!' I raised my voice 'Who's the one that wished something bad happened to him? Who's the one that couldn't stop him quick enough? Who's the-'

'JUSTINE!' Mary cut in

'What Mary, what?' I said frustratingly 'What is there for you to say to cheer me up? you can try and try but I'm still going to feel bad for what I did. He's right...' I trailed

'Right about what?' Mary looked at me with sorrow in her eyes

'I'm messing up his life, I'm the reason why too much shit happens to him, because....of me' I paused 'Look Mary.....I....I gotta go' I realised something

I got up instantly, going to the exit but Mary stopped me by pulling my arm back.

'Now where the hell are you going?' she asked

'Somewhere I can go and die in peace'

I tear fell from my eye 'Why the hell would you think that?'

'Because all I do is ruining people's lives'

This is this most I've gotten upset and jeez Mary was so upset for me, hell she started crying.

If I could turn back the hands of time, I wish I never even met him so he would be saved from all the pain I put him through..........