The Aftermath

55🥀

September 1996:
Justine

'Mom I'm scared' I cried on the phone to her

'Baby it's gonna be alright'

'No it's not, this is all my fault, I jinxed the whole thing and look where it ended up.....I haven't heard anything new since Wednesday mom and it's Friday now'

'Justine listen, never blame yourself for anything that you didn't cause. Remember this isn't your fault. You didn't pull the trigger, don't ever consider yourself as a bad minded person.' She told me 'you know the same time when you were in a car crash, Pac was crying over you so much, he even blamed himself for it and said it should've been him. That really upset me when he said that and when you say those things as well, it's upsets me even more.'

'He really said those things?' I asked sniffling

'I can't make these things up honey, don't worry as long as you keep praying he'll be fine, I'll promise you' she reassured me 'he's fighting for his life, he's fighting for you, he'll never leave you or the other people he loves'

'I'll know he'll be fine'

'And Justine please Justine, please, look after yourself over there'

'I will'

I hung the phone up and felt a sense of relief come over me. I did as my mom told me and went to the vending machine to go and get a drink as I felt dehydrated but stopped when I saw Afeni. She looked strong but I knew deep down she was hurting. I haven't seen her hurt since 89'.

'Afeni?' I called out for her

She looked up and I could tell she was crying as her eyes were red and puffy. I felt myself pause for a moment and looked at her with confusion. My heart slightly beating and my face went soft but not soft that I was crying.

'Are You Okay?' I asked

She took my hand and caressed it slowly before looking into my face again. I saw a tear rush out and I knew it was the end right there.

'Sometimes......God.....God has a way.....to tell you if your time has come.....and sadly.....his time has come' she said as she started to cry and I cried with her

I fell into her arms as well on the ground slowly crying out eyes out. We didn't care if people were around us, we didn't care if it was loud, the thing we cared about was that the world just lost an amazingly talented man that spoke about real life crisis, things that happened in the ghetto, how people treat blacks people and other races and the changes that should happen.

He was a leader, a leader to the black community. He was like Malcom X and Martin Luther King Jr put together. So much knowledge and wisdom at the age of just 25. He's been speaking about how the world is since he's been living. His mother taught him well especially, taught him how to treat a women, his sister did, his aunty did, he was raised by women in his family.

If you ever listened to the things he says in his interviews, some people might say it's the same things he talks about but if you listen carefully, he's always dropping new pieces of information everyday and he's so passionate in what he does. You could tell the the things he talks about he means it.

People that wanted him dead, wanted to kill him, to hell with them. Wanna be living in the same ghetto areas don't wanna see changes, only changes they wanna see is less people in the neighbourhood because they kill them because they don't like what they hear, they don't like the truth and that's what Tupac was saying, the truth. He was never afraid to speak the truth, he would talk and talk and talk until he saw change but sadly that change never came.

'This is all my fault!' I cried

'It ain't your fault baby' Afeni tried to comfort me

'Why do people got target him, what has he done to get punished like this?' I asked

'Look at me Justine, you have some real sick people who don't won't certain people on this earth. They don't want people that tell them truth, they don't want people to change the world, they rather live in the society that we live in today than the society God wants us to see us in. Why do you think people killed Martin Luther King of Malcom X......people were afraid of change, people were afraid of the truth. Don't ever blame yourself do his death, never!'

'I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye' I cried

'Don't say goodbye, think of it as the beginning, he's in your heart, he will always be in your heart. He's going to be with you every step of the way and closer when your souls will meet again' she said

Even all the things she said, I still couldn't calm myself. I may look strong but in the inside I'm hurting. I just can't believe he's gone, I thought this was all a bad dream and I would wake up but this is reality and I have to face it.

I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. My heart was aching and I could feel the same for Afeni. I lifted my head and got up knowing that crying to God wasn't going to get him back. I decided as It was my last time seeing him, I had to go and talk to him one more time, even though he couldn't hear me.

That was all stopped when I saw All mine and his friends come out from one side of the hospital and the other side filled with Nurses and doctors rushing towards both me and Afeni.

'Y'all my nigga Pac' Kadafi started tearing up as he knew he didn't make it

'Y'all I'm sorry' I sobbed

'I really loved him' Kidada cried as my mind wanted to say something but it wasn't the right time

The noise of footsteps came closer to us and I heard some one say 'HE'S BREATHING!' That's when we all started looking at each other weirdly.

One of the surgeons came out from the same room as Tupac was in has he breathed out deeply as if he just ran a marathon. I smile came across his face and I really wanted to slap that motherfucker, like what the fuck you smiling at, I literally cried all my tears out.

'What is it?' Afeni asked eagerly

'He's breathing' the announced

My body went weak- weaker then the pain DeVante gave to me or my ankle that I injured in a car crash. My Whole body just went numb.

'MY BABY ALIVE!' Afeni screamed out with tears of joy as everyone did the same thing except me

I was happy, really happy but my body couldn't quite show that. My whole body started to go cold and my knees, I couldn't feel them no more. Then I felt a massive pain in my stomach, almost as if a knife just went through me. My temperature busted to high as I got incredibly sweaty. I couldn't think, talk not even look, fuck that all my senses where fizzing out. Then my breathing went all funny.......What the hell was going on with me? I felt myself drop causing Afeni and Mary to catch me. I didn't even feel it or hear the say anything, all I could see was them in my face.

Next thing, my vision got blurry and everything went black.........