The Aftermath

76🥀 *Edited*

November 1997:
Justine

Is it me or every time I see Brie, the baby just looking more like Pac?

'Mary where did you get that mark from?' I asked

'What Mark?' She asked

'How dumb do you think I am?' I looked at her

'I fell over' she said

'So you're meaning to tell me that the same similar mark I have on my face, that deep mark is you resulting you in the ground'

'Yep' she popped the P

'Okay whatever you say but you ain't gonna be able to keep up with that white lie for long'

That nigga K-Ci, she still ain't break up with him as yet? I'm not dumb, reasons why I couldn't stay at there place or let one of them near Brie alone because they both violent, God knows what the hell could've happened.

I have a deep feeling that K-Ci is abusing her and I dong want her ending up the same way how I felt or even Michel'le.

I remember back in the studio when I was having problems with DeVante, she could sense Shit wasn't right and when she told me Dre was abusing her.......WOW! She's so little, so how the hell he have the guts to lay a hand on her?

Anyways I'm glad I'm free from all that chaos. All the men that said they loved me, I knew that was just to please me because they know that's all a girl wants to hear. I never really heard the word I'm in love with you.....from them but what can I say...... How am I supposed to know what love is if I've been cheated on, treated as a possession and beaten to where I ask myself how am I still here?

Yes I've cheated but that's nothing compared to what DeVante did or my ex in high school......damn I can't even remember his name.

I'm might be secured in a relationship with Ginuwine and he's told me he's loved me but I don't want to believe it. I need to see through his actions not just by his words.

Reasons why I haven't replied back saying that phrase which sorta made the relationship awkward at that point.

I would have to wait a long time to see if Ginuwine is being truthful but for now, I wanna play it safe.

'Mary Imma go pick up Brie, you wanna come?' I asked

'Nah I'm good I'll just stay here' she said

'Nah girl you're picking your lazy ass up, you know I still got probation' I said

'Jeez you could've at least asked me nicely' she got up

Facing my fears, once more. If I gotta see Brie, I gotta see Pac and things have been awkward.

I feel like I have a way of messing up our friendship and I don't even mean too. When we patch things up, there's always something on his mind or my mind that I can't agree on and it always results in not talking to each other.

We could see each other and we won't talk for days.

I always remember the words I love you sink in my head. He's said this to me many of times but he looked like he was going to die if I didn't love him back, which I do but not in the state that he wants love to represent if we had a relationship again.

It's so confusing, I know I can love him back but I don't want it to be force, I want it to happen naturally but I don't know how long that could be.

Imagining if he stops loving me and he loves somebody else and I love him?
No he said he would always love me.....

What happens if he starts to hate me?
No he said he would never hate me......

What happens if I actually do love him now but Ginuwine is just a rebound to get over him?
No, I can't-

'JUSTINE YOUR SONG IS ON!' Mary snapped me out of my thoughts 'Turn it up!'

I turned the music up as she instructed me and went back into my thoughts.

'You take me away from the pain and you give me paradise.
And there were cloudy days you brought sunshine in my life.
It never occ- Why are you not singing' Mary asked

'Huh-what' I snapped out again

'What's up?' She asked

'Nothing' I plainly said

'Now you can't be telling me shit about not keeping up a white lie and you here looking depressed as ever and you know damn well something is up'

'Well.....my situation is different' I said as Mary drove to a dead end and stopped the car 'Why'd you stop'

'Tell me, what's so different since you know everything about my situation?'

'Why should I tell you since you don't tell me anything?' I asked looking out the window

'Look' she sighed 'You know me and K-Ci been at each other's throats, this cut on my face was because of the fight we had. K-Ci threw glass at my face by accident. I forgave him as he said he wouldn't do Shit to me but we still hurting each other' she said

I would say come out of it but God knows how hard it is to!

'Well you know me and Gin-'

'You don't love that boy, you know you don't there's someone you do love but not sure' she said

'I do love Ginuwine!' I Shot

'So why haven't you told him back that you loved him?' She asked

'You know the relationships I've been in, I can't be telling any man I love him like that'

'You were sure quick to tell Pac you love him though' she side eyed me

'That's different, we've know each other since we were babies' I said

'Can't argue with that but you seem depressed every time I take you to Pac's place to pick up Brie'

'You've only driven me to his place like four times' I said

'Exactly I have prove and I can ask anybody else if you've acted that way'

'Hmm....Whatever'

'You can Whatever me when ever you want but when it's too late, don't come crying to me for help' she said 'you might be thinking why the hell am I giving you relationship advice when my relationship is shit but I do know what's and who's good for'