The Aftermath

58🥀

September 1996:
Justine

After a deep...deep......deep conversation with Mary, I finally picked my ass to see Tupac, even if he hates me and I am the cause of his mishap.

I peeked through the blinds from his room before going in and it made me smile. He was smiling as he was talking to his mother, he didn't seem he spoke throughout it but he did talk.

I knocked onto the door so I didn't feel like an intruder coming into the room without any notice. They both looked at me as I stepped in, Pac had the unreadable expression on his face which made me uncomfortable.

I knew this would've been a bad idea

'Oh I'm sorry I'll just go my ankle-'

'No Justine, you need this talk' Afeni got up from her seat

'No really....I'll wait' I said nervously

'Justineee!' she dragged leaving the room

I just looked at everything else but him, I was too scared to look at him, I knew I would burst out crying if I ever turned my head. I went over to the seat because you know how my ankle be, Like it's getting better but that fall I suffered from....Talking about fall, I remembered me being 2 weeks pregnant with a man I betrayed. I knew I had to sit down, my legs felt weak again and I couldn't risk that fall again. I started to daydream, thinking into my faults, I might've been rude not to look at Pac or say anything but I'm just.....I don't even know at the moment.

I don't understand because when he was nearly close to dying, my ass was crying out for forgiveness, telling him I loved him and I din't mean for any of this shit too happen as the only life he had left was his hand as he was holding my hand. But why is it now that he able to communicate with me properly I'm speechless, instead I bottle all my feelings making it feel like I ain't mean the shit I said or the fact that he's alive.....damn I feel like those niggas that wanted him dead, why I feel like that?

'So you ain't gon' say nothing to me then?' Pac interrupted the silence

I looked down at the ground 'Why you wanna talk to me?'

'Watchu mean? He laughed

It's nice to here his laugh

'Like what I did to you, I'm a horrible friend' I confessed

'How many times do people gotta remind you that it wasn't your fault?' he said 'And look at me when I'm talking to you'

'How you know people be saying that to me?' I asked

'Well before you came in, Mary, Kadafi, my mother.....all of them, they tell me the same thing' he said

'Oh' I said softly

'You know you where the first person I thought about, besides my mother of course, I wanted to know if you were okay' he confessed 'I ain't ever told anyone this except for my mother, Mary, Kadafi and my brother but when I found out my right lung was being taken out, I wanted to die, right there but thank god the lord gave me another chance because I knew I would be leaving a very special person in my life'

'Guess you a cat with nine lives' I joked

'I got you laughing' he pointed out

'That's not the first' I lied

'Girl we've known each other since we were kids, I know when you lie'

'Aaaagghhhh! You got me' I smiled

Damn I ain't smiled in time!

'So what they gon' do about your missing lung?' I asked

'I don't even know man, but all I know is that I ain't gonna be that boisterous' he joked

'You gon' be fine' I said

'Are you gonna be fine'he looked at me funny

'Yeah why?' I was confused

'As I said, I've known since we were kids, somethings up Justine' he recognised

Oh shit, who snaked me?

'Oh, I'm fine' I brushed it off

'You sure?' He double checked

'Yeah yeah......cooler than a cucumber' I said

I ain't ever used that phrase before.....

'Oh-kay then' he laughed funny 'If there's anything, please tell me'

Woah, Imma make you wish you were dead when you find out you've got a child on the way......

'So how long you gonna be in here for?' I changed the subject

'I don't even know man' he said

Before we could continue any discussion, Kidada walked into the room, playing around in her hair. She seemed really elated to see Pac, me on the other hand......

Guilt started to get to me as I looked at my stomach realising I've just ruined Tupac's and Kidada's relationship completely, he probably even wanted to have a future with her......Sike

The amount of times Pac has been to one girl to another.....jeez man I know when Pac in love and want a future with someone and she ain't the one.

'Ohh I think I should better start going now, don't wanna weigh in on y'all private conversations' I got up from the chair

'Justine!' He called 'I'm sorry for whatever I put you through' he said

'....Me too.....'